To be jealous that H took step kids abroad a lot but not mine

[superchargerheaven]

Before we were together H had loads of foreign holidays with his first family. They went most years. My Step dc are all adults now well into their 20s and 30s. H is older than me by 10 years and we've been together 14 years and have 2dc of our own 13 and 9. I have a 17 year old as well.

We have only taken them abroad once and it was only France, and was awful as was years ago when they were really tiny.
We go away most years but only UK

I feel like he's been there done that with the family holidays. and so doesn't feel the need to take ours abroad. it's not a money thing as he has a much better job nowadays and I earn well too so we're probably better off than he was when he was with exw

But I'm really poorly travelled due to (regrettably) not travelling enough in my youth pre dc mostly due to lack of money. And my parents did not have the money to take us abroad when we were kids. and I don't want my dc to be. If I pushed him I think he'd agree to it reluctantly but I want him to want to though .

Tbh I think some of it is jealousy he's had his first family before me. H and our dc are my first family as I was a lone parent with my eldest and so all my experiences are new 😔 . But holidays are a particular bugbear

I just put 5 people, seven nights, two rooms, going to Marbella, flights included, on 25th July into Expedia and a tonne of stuff came up for under £1k pp.

Pick a country and play around on Expedia, TUI, booking.com etc. You’ll find something nice within budget.

I’d forget the ‘not Europe’ tbh, long haul will often naturally be more expensive (and tends to be more a 2-week type thing).
There are absolutely lovely places in Europe (‘the grass is always greener’ and all that.. Americans love European city breaks)

I wonder if an issue could be you’re not being specific enough : wanting to go abroad is a bit vague, especially for such sums.
Is there a place in particular you’ve always dreamed of ? That the kids would love to go to ? Which type of holiday ? Cultural city break, beach lounging, that might help you guide your choices ?
Ex culture he’d have a hard time negotiating against a city trip to Rome ! I went for 4 days and it was a dream (a compromise can be you limit the eating out, ex by getting an appartement hôtel type accommodation, so breakfast and lunch are always home and basic, dinner can be out, that does hugely increase the budget otherwise). Your youngest is getting just the right age to take it in. And your 17yo would fit in too.

If it’s beach, there are lots and lots of every possible budget options. One thing I’d factor in is if you also want historical attractions ex half day trips, which can cost a lot, and also nautical activities which are also expensive, ex scuba diving, jet ski, they’d all at their ages have a blast. Basically sell it to him, and start with something completely different to uK (ie i wouldn’t start with an all inclusive one week in the canaries sitting by the pool given his money responses, just a caricature of course).

If you’re unsure where to start maybe have a look at TripAdvisor and lonely tourist top holiday destinations, read up about them, see how they align with all your interests, and sell it to him! Then as PP posters have said just go on a classic organized travel website like jet2 and have fun with the experimenting the prices if you have free bar or not☺️

Honestly it's so depressing that people are saying he's getting older and slowing down or whatever. 51 isn't old but it's depressing because I'm wondering this myself. I'm still young (ish!) and most importantly I'm physically fit and still up for wanting to do loads in life and not waste it

Some men do hit 50 (or 45 or whatever) and break out the pipe and slippers. I’m sure women do too, but it is more noticeable with the men because the ones I’ve met who’ve done this have all been married to much younger women.

If your DH is just turning into a bit of a boring old fogey, that is a different problem to him doing stuff with his first wife but not with you - and unfortunately harder to fix. Most women I know in significant age gap marriages do a lot of stuff by themselves/with the kids for exactly this reason, I’m afraid.

I see you beat me to it and said it better than me ☺️
Also as a family of 3 I really doubt we would have reached 3k in our European fun (1 or 2 weeks in summer depending on budget), it doesn’t have to be 5 stars to be worth it☺️ (I mean, to each their own, but we tended to save for activities and eating out a little)

We spent £1.5k including flights for three of us to go to a 5* hotel in Malta in August. Obviously there were plenty of significantly cheaper options.

The main problem is likely to be the fact OP needs two rooms - that is going to push the price up.

Yes sorry I also meant to say if we increased the number to 5. But also yes we wouldn’t usually aim more around 1k, so as you say, the cheaper but not cheapest basically.
I just meant if you can afford it all great, if there’s 5 of you it’s normal to adjust a little, and it can still be great.
Once there was a website glitch and we did get 2 weeks for the price of one (in our regular budget), the company didn’t go back on the offer☺️, there were
a few very smiling families upon arrival who it turned out had the same (took a while to sort out the glitch visibly, was a while ago. All inclusive as well!)

I'm assuming that her £5k is also to cover food , as well, which can add on a fair bit.

Would love to know where you can get flights and accommodation for £500 per person in August

You can, but it’s either booking early or last minute, and obviously depends on the destination and the amenities. Lots of companies do camping homes type, so you can cook at home. It does take prioritizing

This hotel, flying with Air Malta. Booked in November. About £1k for a family room, and £500 for the flights.

We started off with that, cooking pasta at home, and taking buses and walking ( a lot) to visit historical sites (good for your health ha and very worth it still).
We definitely try to avoid August as much as possible though !
Now we tend to do a bit more amenities (not that much) and much more paying activities though (we’re very nautical, but it’s soo expensive!), so water sports or guided tours depending on the type. Eating out is limited to chosen experiences after careful TripAdvisor scrolling ^^
It maybe help that researching is half the fun for me☺️

Talk to him about you wanting to experience holidays abroad along with wanting the dc to have those opportunities too. If all else fails, go to a travel agents and they'll help you to get something sorted. Go without him if he's really not interested or willing.

Oh looks gorgeous. Nice job booking in November☺️

Still only £2k for the week. Just don’t fly on a weekend, flying on a random weekday pretty much halves the cost of flights.

Thanks for that! Malta is on my bucket list ☺️. It’s the dates agreement that’s blocking planning for this summer for now unfortunately, really frustrating (but can’t be helped, due to a change of jobs).
I’m looking for back ups being realistic, giving that we’re originally SW European, probably train and seaside Airbnb in Spain or if I can stretch it Portugal (did it once in Spain, it was actually just lovely and peaceful, nice spacious Airbnb sea front, but we did miss the cultural aspect, although for that time I personally found it really relaxing).
Only been to a very short city break in Portugal once, so if I can find a beach location Airbnb with transport links, well I hope it could be nice☺️. This is one of the limited (but not extremely obviously, as we’re still traveling) budget years, I’m thinking Malta might be nicer to save for a year with a bit more savings ? A family member has a bad knee now so the days where we just walked and bused around to save are unfortunately behind us

UGH

😑

Also thanks so much for all the tips etc and finding me actual holidays

It is much appreciated

Also I did not mean to offend saying re "Europe" it did sound a bit disparaging reading it back 😳

however what I mean is because this is going to be such a rare occurrence I'd rather go long haul and spend the extra

But I’ll keep it in my travel file notes (I’m really in love with touring Europe☺️ (can’t afford further rn, but I love it anyway, maybe some day further, but when there’s health considerations it makes things a lot more expensive), thank you ☺️. My friend recently honeymooned in Malta, loved it

The goal is to make it a regular occurrence though, isn’t it ?
Long haul is exhausting and often really expensive, except for things like Disney I’m unsure with kids younger than yours. Maybe that’s what’s been putting your husband off.

Also, I don’t know your budget, but a lot of us consider ourselves very lucky if we can save to afford a week European break !

Id second my advice to go on lonely planet, choose Europe, and let yourself be inspired☺️.
Do you have any particular interests / ideas ?

Sorry, that was wrongly worded, you did give your budget.
Set yourself a challenge to find a European holiday within the same budget as your uK ones (it’s very doable).
Id advise reading around on different destinations, thinking about what you want out of it, don’t forget dining and activities, then just call up different agencies (stick with the main ones for a first), they’ll be very happy to plan 3k with you trust me☺️

I suppose it's not just his age, but the fact he has done all this before. Having 2 families over a few decades must be pretty tiring.

But if that's the reason, then that's a problem. It's a really shitty reason to not bother giving your younger children similar experiences to your older ones.

“Also I did not mean to offend saying re "Europe" it did sound a bit disparaging reading it back 😳

however what I mean is because this is going to be such a rare occurrence I'd rather go long haul and spend the extra”

It didn’t sound offensive, it just sounded - well, silly if I’m honest!

Other people travel long haul to get to Europe, because it’s amazing - not only for its variety but how close that variety is together. You can see the Eiffel Tower one morning and me kayaking in the Dordogne next afternoon.

I asked earlier but you didn’t reply: what do you want from this holiday?

It honestly just sounds like you’ve got it fixed in your mind that it only counts if it’s long haul (“only France”, again!). Give me an example - where is it you actually want to go that’s “really cool”?

He's all "been there, done that," and you're all "not been anywhere, and I want to!" You'll have to battle his inertia.

Anyone thinking it's "only" France hasn't put the legwork in - France is full of amazing places to holiday in. Europe is amazing - so many incredibole places to see within a short flight.

Malta in August is blistering - October is nicer. Portugal is gorgeous although the sea is very rough (Atlantic) compared to the Mediterranean.

The second family often gets second class treatment from their father. You are the only one to advocate for them, so don't let him close his ears to your voice.
Your kids deserve first class treatment too.

But if that's the reason, then that's a problem. It's a really shitty reason to not bother giving your younger children similar experiences to your older ones.

Oh absolutely, I'm not defending it. I don't really agree with the whole concept of having multiple families, and this is a good demonstration of why.