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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

C-section not real birth

453 replies

Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:27

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

OP posts:
easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 19:29

I haven't had a C-section but have been shamed for needing an epidural/ forceps - mostly by midwifery staff.

Original poster
Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:29

Sorry I tried to edit but I’m not sure how…
YABU- yes it’s a real thing I’ve experienced it
YANBU- no never heard it or seen it myself

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 12/04/2023 19:29

Sounds like internalised misogyny. What a load of bullshit (them).

Original poster
Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:30

Seriously? Wow. I had epidural with all 3 and I’d bloody do it again

OP posts:
MrsBunnyEars · 12/04/2023 19:31

Whoever said that was an arsehole.

But this sort of thing does happen. I had a c section and a postnatal yoga teacher told me that yoga would help to bond, as I’d obviously missed out on that.

I didn’t go back….

OhMyCherriePie · 12/04/2023 19:32

Yes surprised you never heard of this…

Original poster
Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:32

Jesus Christ. The brass balls of some people

OP posts:
Xjshdvf · 12/04/2023 19:32

I’ve never been shamed for it but people have acted sympathetically to me especially when I was having an elective section through medical needs. I wasn’t sure how to admit that I was relieved to be having one

Beamur · 12/04/2023 19:33

Well, I'd rather have a C-section than die and also kill my baby. Which is probably what would have happened to me. Shame away, I really couldn't give a stuff.
There seems to be a vein of competitive parenting that sets arbitrary rules around how to achieve birth/feeding/parenting. Very tiresome.

Plannersareus · 12/04/2023 19:33

My sister had 3 vaginal births with no pain relief, she wears them like a badge of honour. I had 1 c-section due to placenta previa and nearly died due to blood loss and she says I had a 'sun roof' birth...

Original poster
Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:34

Why were you relieved? Sorry if that sounds rude, I’m genuinely wondering as I’ve never had one… is it the knowing what to expect etc x

OP posts:
TooManyAnimals94 · 12/04/2023 19:34

I didn't have a C-section but I carried a lot of disappointment and guilt about my birth going "wrong" because hypnobirthing and NCT push this bizarre narrative that if you do all the "right" things it will somehow be an easier experience. Other women have been really supportive about this so personally no I have not felt judged by other women but by organisations that are meant to help us.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 12/04/2023 19:34

I hear lots about mums apparently being shamed for c-sections but I never actually see anything that shames them.

And TBH why do people even take notice of the opinion of one or two weirdos? I feel we have lost the ability to only take seriously informed opinions that matter, and as soon as there’s a sniff of someone maybe saying something ridiculous we act like a whole army of people (who actually don’t exist) are ‘shaming’ everyone.

Pinkflipflop85 · 12/04/2023 19:34

My c section prevented the death of my child.

People who have opinions on c sections not being a proper birth are cunts and can fuck off.

Original poster
Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:34

Wow maybe you should tell her that’s not okay x

OP posts:
Original poster
Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:35

I totally agree- I thought it was a piss take post when I read it. How is it even a thing…

OP posts:
Weatherwax13 · 12/04/2023 19:35

I've definitely noticed that this is a thing in some circles. Absolutely awful. Certainly when I was having my babies it was seen as a failure. Another thing for women to feel guilty about. It's complete crap.

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/04/2023 19:35

“Shamed” may be putting it a bit strongly but there’s generally a pretty dim view taken by people in the natural birth cult of any “interventions” in labour. It runs through a lot of the culture of midwifery and NCT. Have you never come across this? It’s endemic in the maternity industrial complex.

USaYwHatNow · 12/04/2023 19:35

@easterbunny999 im so sad that that has been your experience. I'm a midwife and had to have an instrumental delivery with my son, just couldn't get him out 😂 I'd had enough at that point and told every bugger in the room that I had 'stopped pushing and you can pull him out!!' I turned down an epidural just before I had my waters broken... Silly SILLY me, I wish I'd snapped the anaesthetist's arm off when they offered 😂

squirrelnutkins1 · 12/04/2023 19:36

Yep this is a thing! I had comments from my mum and one of my closest friends!! Still winds me up nearly 3 years later! It was an emergency as well!
Just waiting for the comments on my planned section in a few months!

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 12/04/2023 19:37

2 sections resulting in 2 healthy children, that’s all I care/ cared about.

I apologize or explain to no one.

VisitationRights · 12/04/2023 19:38

My sister, who has no children, balked at my saying something about my son’s birth. She said, “But you didn’t really give birth!” Meaning having a c-section wasn’t considered giving birth. I am not sure how she expected me to talk about her nephew coming into the world 🤷‍♀️

Kelljo83 · 12/04/2023 19:38

I had an emergency C Section and never had any negativity towards me for it. I've had jealous remarks from friends who've had Vaginal births and torn etc as I'm "Still in tact" down there 😂 IMO it doesn't matter how the baby gets into the world as long as they're healthy

Hedjwitch · 12/04/2023 19:38

I've had 3 c Sections and experienced some of these stupid comments about how "easy" I had it. Was in labour with my first for hours before breech was detected and emergency surgery followed to save both our lives. Followed by horrific PND.

Number 2. Spinal block didn't take so felt most of the procedure and screamed through it. Followed by spinal headache caused by leak of spinal fluid. Had to remain horizontal at all times. Try unrinating,defecating and breastfeeding while flat on your back in agony. ( not all at the same time though).
Eventually got home to try and care for a toddler and a baby while post operative and barely able to shuffle.

No 3. Process went well but scar tissue became infected. Abdominal adhesions from 3 lots of scar tissue led to further surgery.

Yup,really easy!

flumposie · 12/04/2023 19:38

After 28 hours labour, forceps failing and complications I had an emergency c section. Years gone by myself and my daughter would probably have died. People are idiots.