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AIBU?

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Original poster

C-section not real birth

453 replies

Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:27

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

OP posts:
MotherofBingo · 12/04/2023 20:20

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:08

@goodenoughmum88 I thought the medical definition of ‘birthing’ was a vaginal birth, whereas a c section is an operation to deliver a baby without labour?

Birth: the process of bringing forth a child from the uterus or womb (Britannica encyclopedia) or the time when a baby or young animal comes out of its mother's body (Cambridge dictionary).

Also many women do labour before their c-sections.

PoptyPinnnngggg · 12/04/2023 20:22

RamsayEaster · 12/04/2023 20:00

If a c section is the only safe way to deliver a baby and keep mum safe of course it’s a real birth

However if your too posh to push and have a c section then that’s another story 😂

I was too posh to push then!! My preferred birth choice was C-section and that's what I got.

Tell me more about this other story... 😜. Should I be shamed for my poshness or my dislike of pushing 😂😂😂

UneFoisAuChalet · 12/04/2023 20:23

Beamur · 12/04/2023 19:33

Well, I'd rather have a C-section than die and also kill my baby. Which is probably what would have happened to me. Shame away, I really couldn't give a stuff.
There seems to be a vein of competitive parenting that sets arbitrary rules around how to achieve birth/feeding/parenting. Very tiresome.

Yes, precisely that. I won’t even go into the details of my birth stories because they were so traumatic and the push - no pun intended - for me to give birth vaginally could have ended very differently.

I had one woman make a disparaging remark about my sections and telling her ‘every cloud eh? At least my vagina is intact. Nearly as tight as a virgin’s 😉shut her up.

Most women do not choose sections. Maybe in some netherworld celebrities do, but I certainly didn’t. And I find it offensive that I’m judged for a life or death situation.

Likethestarsabove547 · 12/04/2023 20:25

NeverDropYourMooncup · 12/04/2023 19:51

There was the enraged 'you've deprived me of my birthing experience' (ex).

There was the 'of course, you've systematically disadvantaged your child for life by not seeding her immune system through natural childbirth'.

Then there was a 'Was it hard? Oh, no, you had a section, that's easy'.

Plus half of Mumsnet's 'When I had my section, I was up and cleaning the ward with a toothbrush before they'd even given my baby his Apgar score (of 100, of course, the highest they'd ever seen), and then I popped on my pure white Versace skinnies in a size -2, insisted upon running home the fifteen miles across fell and dale with my youngest three tandem feeding throughout, singlehandedly conquering Aldi's bargain section and going to see the eldest star in her Year 2 teatime performance of Medea . It's nothing.'

I'm sorry but I'm dying 🤣

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:26

@PoptyPinnnngggg did you pay privately for elected c sec or use the NHS? It’s quite expensive as a whole surgical team is required vs a midwife and a student for a natural birth.

Meka23 · 12/04/2023 20:26

I had a fully elective section and will have another, never shamed as such but I can tell if people appear a bit put out by my choice. I just knock it on the head by saying it was a stress/complication free experience, I loved my babies birth and I would recommend it to anybody considering that option. I do care about what people think about many things but quite a bit but honestly couldn’t give two hoots if people looked down on how I had my baby because it was right for both of us!

I always use the term vaginal birth too.

CosieRotton · 12/04/2023 20:27

Flittingaboutagain · 12/04/2023 20:19

I do think the people who opt for planned sections and never attempt a vaginal delivery don't give birth. They don't experience contractions, dilation etc and technically don't know what it is to give birth or labour. They have an extraction I suppose. Nothing wrong with it, not lesser or unworthy but obviously not the same.

Well my baby was born, so a birth must have happened at some point. 🙄

romdowa · 12/04/2023 20:27

I'd an elective section under a general anaesthetic, imagine if they heard that then they'd have field day with me. I went to sleep and then woke up and it was all over. I was fine and so was my baby. It was the safest way for us for medical reasons.
My friend 12 hours later had a vaginal birth where she tore horrendously and had to be stitched up and she was in pain with it for months and months. I was back to normal in about 6 weeks. She always says if she went again she'd beg for a section to save her vagina from any more caranage

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:28

@Meka23 and did you pay for that or use NHS resources?

mindutopia · 12/04/2023 20:28

People are snobby arseholes sometimes.

I’ve had two very hippy dippy home births with essential oils and fairy lights and a personalised birth playlist, and I absolutely think c-sections are real births. I mean, what else would they be?!

I have a crazy friend who thinks anyone who chooses to formula feed should have SS involvement and their children removed into care (how that makes sense, I don’t know!). I FF one of mine and BF the other. She’s just nuts and insecure.

Sadly, you can’t avoid those sorts in life. You just have to brush off the crazy and carry on.

TooManyAnimals94 · 12/04/2023 20:28

So we can't "shame" c sections but it's ok to retaliate about the tightness of someone's vagina post birth? It goes both ways surely. Don't fight bullshit with bullshit.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 12/04/2023 20:28

Did a baby come out of your body? Then you certainly have given birth...

Awoooga · 12/04/2023 20:29

I had an emergency section and can’t say I’ve ever experienced this. One friend did say to my DH when she heard I had a c-section ‘at least she hasn’t got a droopy fanny!’ well joke’s on you love it was always droopy. Also what a horrible thing to say as a woman!

birdglasspen · 12/04/2023 20:29

people are bizarre. I had an emergency section after 40 hours of labour, hardest “birth” I’ve had …the second was a vaginal birth with suction cap and forceps, experience after birth was worse as baby needed icu. Third one was a section not particularly through choice, but alternative was having waters broken with staff on standby to knock me out for a section should the cord come first (high risk of this happening). I’ve had three births and they were all dreadful in their own way but they fortunately resulted in 3 healthy children and I would laugh at anyone who said I hadn’t done it “properly”!

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:29

@CosieRotton could say they weren’t ‘born’ they were ‘delivered’

CosieRotton · 12/04/2023 20:30

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:28

@Meka23 and did you pay for that or use NHS resources?

Did you pay for your birth or use NHS resources?

Not really anyone’s business how you financed your birth right?

Meka23 · 12/04/2023 20:31

@Midwinter89 on the nhs and rightly so. I’ll be doing it again unapologetically.

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:31

@Awoooga and vaginas don’t go droopy after birth do they. Mine is tighter

BadNomad · 12/04/2023 20:31

If you ask everyone, I'm pretty sure most will say they don't remember their own birth. So why does is bloody matter. It makes no difference to the baby. One is not better than the other. One is not a success and the other a failure. People need to stop competitive parenting.

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 12/04/2023 20:32

I think it’s the language used sometimes leads people to shame themselves -I felt horrendous after my C-section and having to tell every doctor or nurse for the next year or so about the birth and say “failure to progress” really made me feel like a failure. I was also the only C-section in my NCT group and felt like a vaginal delivery was something I’d missed out on. I expect some of the shade/shame also comes from the “too posh to push” term bandied about when Victoria Beckham etc were having their babies and it made the layman believe a C-section was the easy way out. It’s major surgery.

I think the language is starting to change a bit now though - more focus on the term “vaginal delivery” vs “natural delivery” which I think helps.

CosieRotton · 12/04/2023 20:32

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:29

@CosieRotton could say they weren’t ‘born’ they were ‘delivered’

Sure, I guess. Would you like me to tell him he has a delivered-day, not a birthday too? Sheesh. Policing others much?

KristalBall90 · 12/04/2023 20:32

Midwinter89, an entire surgical team was required for my second birth (the most unnatural ‘natural’ delivery of all time.) Failed epidural, spinal, failed forceps, ventouse. Not all vaginal births are a midwife and a student.

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:32

@Meka23 c secs are much more expensive due to staffing required, so no elective c sections shouldn’t be allowed in NHS

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:33

@KristalBall90 but that’s not always the case for natural birth, just some

Picoloangel · 12/04/2023 20:34

I’d had 4 miscarriages before my DD was born by c section. She was breech. I have personally not experienced any judgement as a result of my c section but I am aware that it exists. I was prepared to do whatever it took for my baby to be delivered safely.

I honestly don’t get this crap about c sections but agree with others that it’s a narrative pushed by NCT - an organisation I feel has much to answer for. Between their beliefs of refusing pain relief, refusing a c section, persisting with breast feeding to the detriment of mother and baby it pushes a narrative that can make new mothers - particularly first time mothers - feel inadequate. It’s unforgivable and these sorts of pressures massively contribute to PND and anxiety.