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Original poster

C-section not real birth

453 replies

Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:27

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 12/04/2023 20:03

NCT push this bizarre narrative that if you do all the "right" things it will somehow be an easier experience.

^ in my experience NCT pushed to be informed, not right or wrong things, because more informed leads to greater perceived control over difficult decisions and that leads to greater satisfaction and less birth trauma.

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:04

Even though its wrong and rude-
I suppose women who had long painful natural births sometimes crave acknowledgement that they made that sacrifice/went through that for their child?

A pal of mine had a pain free scheduled c sec and her bf was talking about childbirth as if we both went through the same
thing. No mate I had 3 days of agony.

goodenoughmum88 · 12/04/2023 20:04

Such bollocks isn’t it.

2 C sections here, prevented my kids and I from potentially dying.

Birthing isn’t about pushing a baby out of your fanjo come hell or high water, that’s how babies and mothers die or are seriously harmed if there are complications. It’s what happened years ago before we knew so much about birthing.

For me birthing was about listening to my body and my midwife, (and the Dr.’s) who’d seen it all and done it all, and working with their recommendations. Staying calm and doing what’s best for your baby (and avoiding complications for Mum is absolutely part of that) is what birthing is about, and then meeting your baby in a safe way. Sometimes that’s without any intervention. Sometimes it’s with all of them.

Skinnydecafflatte · 12/04/2023 20:05

I had a c-section for an undiagnosed breech baby for no:1 and then had a vaginal delivery with no: 2.
didn’t get a medal for either…

Vinniepolis · 12/04/2023 20:06

I knew someone who had three C-sections and beat herself up about it and considered herself a failure somehow (she was quite into ‘alternative lifestyles’ / veganism etc.) I think she only fell pg the 3rd time so she could try again at a natural birth, despite her relationship with her husband being a bit wobbly - they split soon after.

itsgettingweird · 12/04/2023 20:06

I had ds by emergency c section.

I've never personally experienced such comments but I have heard others say they have.

Starburst8 · 12/04/2023 20:06

The whole C-section Vs Vaginal births have been a thing for a long time. Even on Google it's C-section Vs Natural births.
It irritates me that this still continues, I still had to go through the 9 months of growing the child, my waters broke just like everyone else's and I still went through the pain of contractions.
C-sections in my opinion are just as much as a birth and women need to stop tearing others down for it. Most of the time C-sections are due to medical needs.

Kittypack · 12/04/2023 20:06

The old fashioned comment a few posts up of "too posh to push" - there you go, there's your c- section shamer.

I requested an elective section when they started talking about inducing me. I knew induction carried a 50% risk of c section anyhow and preferred the peace and safety of a planned section. I was declined, coerced into a sweep and induction I didn't want, which ended in a crash section under general anaesthetic and me missing the birth of my baby. Two lines stuck with me;

"You're not Victoria Beckham you know, you won't have help and support after a c section like she did" - midwife

"You should at least try and have a normal birth and see how it ends up, so you can an last say you tried" - consultant obstetrician

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:08

@goodenoughmum88 I thought the medical definition of ‘birthing’ was a vaginal birth, whereas a c section is an operation to deliver a baby without labour?

princesssugarless · 12/04/2023 20:08

Yep, my first baby I laboured for 2 days, back to back and big baby(10lbs). He got stuck and his heart rate dropped so I was rushed down for a crash section, general anaesthetic. I got told I'd had the easy route by other mums, sun roof delivery, "aren't you glad you didn't have to go through 'real' birth" I stopped going to mother and baby groups. Someone even asked me it I had 'given birth' as it was a c section. No you twat - it's just magicked out of me.

Kittypack · 12/04/2023 20:08

Oh also the nhs ante natal class leader: "we are not going to talk about c section birth and recovery here, we're going to focus on natural birth only as that's the goal"

suzyscat · 12/04/2023 20:09

Plannersareus · 12/04/2023 19:33

My sister had 3 vaginal births with no pain relief, she wears them like a badge of honour. I had 1 c-section due to placenta previa and nearly died due to blood loss and she says I had a 'sun roof' birth...

Ah my friend who always banged on about how easy is had it with my section ended up having one. She certainly changed her tune after that.

princesssugarless · 12/04/2023 20:11

VisitationRights · 12/04/2023 19:38

My sister, who has no children, balked at my saying something about my son’s birth. She said, “But you didn’t really give birth!” Meaning having a c-section wasn’t considered giving birth. I am not sure how she expected me to talk about her nephew coming into the world 🤷‍♀️

Wonder if I know your sister... or if there are more out there

Meandfour · 12/04/2023 20:12

Kittypack · 12/04/2023 20:08

Oh also the nhs ante natal class leader: "we are not going to talk about c section birth and recovery here, we're going to focus on natural birth only as that's the goal"

dont they realise it’s actually not the goal for everyone? You only have to look on MN to see how many women are requesting ELCS.

Kittypack · 12/04/2023 20:12

@Midwinter89 why do you think a c- section is pain free? It's major abdominal surgery and the recovery is pretty painful even if the procedure isn't. And as you can see, most of us here with c- section babies did go through long painful labours too.

Magpiecomplex · 12/04/2023 20:12

Two sections here, and no one has said it to my face, but both times some idiots suggested to my husband that I was too posh to push. He calmly explained that it was that or mother and child probably wouldn't survive, and the twits wound their necks in.

KalimbaMoon · 12/04/2023 20:12

Misogyny, pure and simple, to judge how a woman brings a baby into this world. For me, the most important thing is the health and well-being of mother and child. I had a planned C-sec, so yes I was spared the pain of a long, drawn-out labour, but the aftermath of having your innards carved open is not for the faint of heart. There’s a long recovery period because it’s major surgery.

There is no easy way to give birth. If anybody dared tell me I hadn’t properly given birth, I dread to think how I’d react!

Women who have a VB should NEVER feel ashamed to need pain relief, epidurals etc. Why suffer more than you have to?

KristalBall90 · 12/04/2023 20:13

I laboured for two days and got to 10cm before my daughter was born via emergency c section. I absolutely birthed her.

BecauseTheOnlyWayIsUp · 12/04/2023 20:14

Yeah this happens to me. I had three sections. First was an emergency after three days of labour. I was fully dilated by the end, pushing, failed forceps. I lost 1.5l of blood and we both got septicemia. I've been told repeatedly by my sister that she faired much worse with her vaginal birth, and when she had a planned section for her second due to breech baby she told me she couldn't understand how I bonded with mine as the c section was not natural and she felt sad I had never done it properly. Really saddens me as I spent about a year feeling like a complete and utter failure of a mum and blamed myself for my son being so poorly. It really bothers me to this day.

PoptyPinnnngggg · 12/04/2023 20:14

Very proud of my C-section and have never been shamed for it. I didn't even have any medical need...I asked for a C-section from the outset because that's what I wanted. None of the health professionals tried to put me off or dissuade me (it happened in 2020 during COVID times so the only discussions I had was to make me aware of the risks of being in hospital when COVID was rife and checking that I still wanted to plan it).

Many people who know I opted through personal choice didn't even know you could. If more people were aware of this as a positive birth option perhaps that would help with the apparent negativity that other people have faced??

Picassa · 12/04/2023 20:15

My two dc were born via c section. The first an emergency and second time round I elected. Absolutely NO shame about that. They’re both here- healthy, happy and thriving. In my eyes the one and only aim of birth is to get the baby and mum through it safely!

Twizbe · 12/04/2023 20:15

KalimbaMoon · 12/04/2023 20:12

Misogyny, pure and simple, to judge how a woman brings a baby into this world. For me, the most important thing is the health and well-being of mother and child. I had a planned C-sec, so yes I was spared the pain of a long, drawn-out labour, but the aftermath of having your innards carved open is not for the faint of heart. There’s a long recovery period because it’s major surgery.

There is no easy way to give birth. If anybody dared tell me I hadn’t properly given birth, I dread to think how I’d react!

Women who have a VB should NEVER feel ashamed to need pain relief, epidurals etc. Why suffer more than you have to?

By the same token, if you have a straight forward vaginal birth with limited pain relief and it was a positive experience for you, you're told to not talk about it as 'it's bragging' etc.

Spottycarousel · 12/04/2023 20:19

I very nearly died from blood loss as a result of a pph following a vaginally delivery. I wish I'd had- and should have had, on hindsight- a c section.

What is wrong with people? Medical interventions are a gift.

Flittingaboutagain · 12/04/2023 20:19

I do think the people who opt for planned sections and never attempt a vaginal delivery don't give birth. They don't experience contractions, dilation etc and technically don't know what it is to give birth or labour. They have an extraction I suppose. Nothing wrong with it, not lesser or unworthy but obviously not the same.

Pseudonamed · 12/04/2023 20:19

Oh I remember after a particularly hard labour with forceps and ventouse lasting almost 48 hours before I had to have an emergency section being told afterwards when I mentioned the section that 'well we always knew you were too posh to push'. There are people out there that judge. Sadly all ignorant of the fact that a section is a fairly major operation and takes around 6 weeks to recover from physically.

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