C-section not real birth

[Washingforweeks]

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

Anyone who does this is simply telling the world that they are monumentally stupid.

I had an EMCS (we'd have both died in 1803 but obv fine now). I had some friends saying stuff like "aw, don't feel bad" and I was like really why would I? It wasn't elective but, I mean, I dropped enough hints.

People will say things like that if they’re conflicted about their own choices. I personally couldn’t give a shit how someone else’s baby is delivered or what their body looks like 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would have died without one. How dare my placenta burst through my womb and attach to my bladder. No one has ever said anything about the way I gave birth apart from wow what an experience that must have been.

@Midwinter89 , so happy to generalise but only so long as it supports your view?

@KristalBall90 I don’t understand what you mean, natural births are usually less cosy for NHS just a fact. Your birth requiring a team doesn’t disprove that fact

*costly

I'm 12 days away from my second ELCS - first was for a breech baby and I found the whole experience so chill that I point blank refused to even consider a VBAC and went straight to the c-section for #2 too.

No one IRL has ever shamed me, but there was a nasty bit in The Positive Birth Book where they assume that you must be devastated to have a section, which I thought was a bit shamey.

@Midwinter89 Elective just means planned/scheduled. I had medical need for mine, but it was still counted as elective because we booked it in advance. Or are you saying only dramatic crash sections should be allowed on the NHS.

I think shaming does happen unfortunately, i dont get it at all. I've had 2 vaginal births both straightforward, no tearing etc and I think I had it so easy. Much easier than those who had to have bloody surgery and recover afterwards! Pay no attention OP, there are no medals and nobody worth knowing gives a shit, they're just happy that you and baby are OK.

I didn't think it was a thing until after my csection when a friend proclaimed I wouldn't understand not having a damaged pelvic floor because I didn't give birth. Well I must have missed my eradicated pelvic floor from my DC booting my bladder throughout pregnancy and my baby is a figment of my imagination as I didn't give birth.

My firstborn and i would be dead without an emergency c section. I opted for an elective second time around as i had ptsd die to the utter balls up the NHS made of our first birth. I was also advised to go for a section second time around by my Consultant but three weeks before my booked in date a locum took over and said i was just lazy and get over it and she was not going to allow it as there was no need. She had not even opened my notes at this point. She ripped right into me. I left distraught and made a formal complaint as did several others she saw that day and we all got our c sections.

I had an emergency 'c' section with my first, baby would have died without it, I'm not taking any crap of anybody saying I didn't birth my baby properly! I desperately wanted to try for a natural birth with number 2 but with no tinkering (I'd ended up with the 'c' section because my waters were broken for me) and said if I didn't start naturally I'd want an elective 'c' section, my midwife sighed in relief when I told her! She was magnificently supportive

But you said up thread that natural births don't require a whole team.

I had 2 vaginal births and both times the room was full of people, because my babies were in distress. Nothing "natural" about that

If you want one then you sort of have to pretend to be a bit devastated otherwise they think you're not taking it seriously enough and definitely won't let you have one. Great system, very empowering, two thumbs up.

Yep. My MIL said I 'didn't do it properly.'

I mean, my nearly dying child was cut out of my nearly failing body by people who ran down the corridor after the emergency button was pressed, but still......

And my OH drove faster than he's ever done to get to us and still nearly missed it as it needed to happen asap but still.....nor properly.

I had 36 hours of Labour before my first section.

I hate to link to the DM but here you go

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-6935517/Planned-C-sections-400-cheaper-vaginal-births-NHS-finds-study.html

@Midwinter89 if you think a section is pain free then you definitely fall into the moron camp.

Yes. Me. By my sister.

I had 18 hours of Labour - induced Labour btw so it was all over the shop. Intense regular contractions then nothing then they stabilised then nothing. Got fully dilated then my DC ended up extremely distressed and I was too exhausted after an 9 day stay in hospital prior to the induction to get DC put quickly and safely.

my sister said I hadn’t tried hard enough. Hadn’t really given birth. Hadn’t really done anything.

regardless of me being incredibly ill. Stopping breathing. Needing a transfusion. Days of blood thinners. IV antibiotics and MRSA screening. Barium scans on my lungs. Oh yeah, suspected pulmonary embolism too. DC being away from me because I was so unwell. Having so many drugs I wasn’t able to breastfeed. Pumping to keep my supply going despite being delirious.

she had the audacity to say I’d not really done it properly.hadn’t tried hard enough. Hadn’t done the best for my child. Hadn’t being a good mother. Was too lazy to try.

I wasn’t particularly sympathetic when she wailed about all the damage her tear caused her first time around because she refused a section after being told she needed one. I wasn’t sympathetic when her SPD got so bad they wanted to give her an elective rather than risking birth trauma so she ended up with crutches for months.

Told her to wear her ‘war wounds’ with pride. After all she earned them doing it properly.

I think the funniest thing in this whole saga though is my DC has SEND (adhd, Sensory processing g, dyspraxia, dyslexia and contemplating asd diagnosis) and a chromosome deletion so needs a lot of support and she spent years telling me I was just a crap parent and should’ve tried harder for a natural birth.

she tried to get her son assessed for autism. The DRs prescribed parenting classes because her and her husband often fought about who was doing it ‘right’ who’s turn to change a nappy was etc etc. never set proper boundaries and her now teens are fucking awful humans.

obviously we are NC now. but fuck women like my sister need to learn to shut the fuck up.

id have an elective if I got pregnant again. No questions. My EMCS scar already gives me pain during my period, fuck dealing with the risk of rupture during Labour.

definitely a thing. I requested a c-section due to a major pelvic injury when young. My own father said 'too posh to push are you?' with a sneer.

As it happened the request was refused. I was told that i could start naturally and they'd see how far I got.

How far I got was that Ds got stuck, was born a dark blue, had to be rescuscitated and now has cognitive issues and learning difficulties.

It makes me start to cry just thinking about it and he is 13 now. I wish with all my heart i had had the courage of my convictions (aka stood my ground) and insisted on a c-section.

You’re just sounding like an idiot now. ‘Elective’ just means not an emergency. There are all sorts of medical reasons for why an elective section is booked.

@Midwinter89 whats your problem here? It’s really easy to understand that, yes a really uncomplicated birth costs less than a c section, but how do you guarantee an uncomplicated birth? I certainly didn’t have access to a crystal ball to see what the outcome of my birth would be?

Do you want everyone to say that you win for not needing a c section?

The only response to those sort of comments is "don't be so fucking ridiculous, now fuck off. "

@Midwinter89 that’s rubbish, a straight forward c section is not more expensive than a complicated vaginal birth. I’m not even sure a straight forward c section is significantly more expensive than a ‘typical’ vaginal birth. I did read the figures when I was making my decision.

I know all about when vaginal births go wrong and the impact on the nhs and other services from birth to adult hood.

I also know my care was better than the care I’d have received for a birth injury (which are in many areas of the uk simply shit) and again costs the nhs money which is not reflected in the costs of a vaginal birth.

Luckily my doctors also disagree with you that they shouldn’t be available on the nhs and had no problem signing mine off and one of my lovely surgical team said ‘great choice, I chose to have one too’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had a c section for health reasons and I always feel like I need to justify it to people. A friend had her baby 2 months after me and commented that I had the easy way out and didn’t actually experience giving birth as I was all medicated and didn’t feel anything. Had to put her right and explain thag I definitely felt things but I’ve always been made to feel guilty for choosing the ‘easy route’