To think all kids should be included?

[Thisisit2323]

Should all kids be included by step grandparents? Would you expect it if buying for one they buy for all on occasions like Xmas , Easter etc ? Is it ok to only buy for some of the kids and leave the others out because your not blood related even if you have been together many years?
Big row over this after it constantly happening been made to feel I am in the wrong.

I wouldn’t wait until your oldest kids are upset again. If you said don’t do that after Xmas why did he do it again at Easter. If Granny only gives 4 gifts don’t bring them into our house. It’s upsetting to eldest. What did he think you were supposed to say to son when he asked.
If Granny has previously bought for all 6 then it’s obviously because of fall out she’s stopped. I’d want no part of her involving children in an adult fall out.

So you are going to wait until they exclude your DC and upset them again? Is that right?

You want to give them the opportunity to do it again before you’re “done?”

I don't think the etiquette within blended families is cut and dried. Each case is different.
'Accepting' then 'rejecting' your first two kids is mean though the oldest probably isn't that bothered. Does your 2nd child call them Nana and Grandad?

I don't think there's any point in waiting for it to happen again, because it will. You need to either talk to your DP and tell him this is a deal breaker for you and see if it prompts him to stop scapegoating you and build the relationship between you and his mum again, or come to some sort of compromise. He could give the DC their gifts from his DM more discreetly - I don't think it's reasonable to say the gifts cannot enter the house at all because that's where the other kids live, and they shouldn't be denied them completely.

It's totally unacceptable. They have known your children since ages 1 & 3, and yet they are treating them as if they are strangers. I would not accept it. If they are buying presents for one child they buy for all. It is divisive between the children and between you and your partner. If they don't want to gift presents to your elder children then I would not accept presents for the younger ones. Your partner should support you and his stepchildren better.

I think in your situation I would be upset about it. You've been together a long time, your kids were little when you got together and you have subsequent kids with DP. IMO they should treat all kids the same. I've been with DH 11 years, my kids were 8 & 10 when we got together, we don't have kids together and my kids didn't really see much of my IL's. MIL did used to give xmas gifts to my boys when she was alive, she may have sent money in a card for birthdays, I can't remember. If my kids had been younger and i'd gone on to have kids with DH then I would expect all kids to be equal.

I think when you choose to blend a family, you can't expect others to share your values and beliefs on it. Sorry.
If it were me, I'd buy the kids something for sure.

YANBU I’m quite shocked by the amount of replies saying it’s acceptable to not buy for step children. Your in laws should not be coming to your home to give children gifts and leaving certain ones out in my opinion. Whether you’re blood or not you are a family and a family your oh chose to create. I find it so disrespectful when people decide that certain kids aren’t part of the family. What the heck is wrong with a token gift if you can’t afford. I find it disgusting leaving a child out just because they are not your blood.