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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at other sites discussing mumsnet users?

199 replies

partlyportly · 12/04/2023 08:32

I've noticed that some Mumsnet posts and discussions are being shared on other websites, forums, and social media platforms without the author's consent. I find this really frustrating and wonder if IABU in feeling this way.

I understand that Mumsnet is a public forum, and anyone can read and participate in discussions. But when our posts are taken out of context and shared elsewhere, it feels like a violation of our privacy and a breach of trust. It's especially frustrating when people on other sites start making assumptions or passing judgment based on a single post they've seen, without knowing the full story.

I'm not saying that Mumsnet discussions should be kept completely private, but I do think that we should have some control over where our posts end up. It would be helpful if we could have an option to mark our posts as "private" or "not for sharing," so that we know that they won't be legally copied and pasted elsewhere without our permission.

I'm curious to know if other Mumsnet members feel the same way. Does it bother you when Mumsnet posts are shared on other sites?

YABU = It's the internet, deal with it
YANBU = It's poor form, I don't like it

OP posts:
RedSmartie · 12/04/2023 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nah.

AllIeveknewonlyou · 12/04/2023 10:02

ShimmeringShirts · 12/04/2023 09:57

Think of mumsnet and the internet in general as your back garden. It feels private in that you can’t see other neighbours (or sites) while you’re in one, but there’s still no privacy and everyone in the next garden along can hear what you’re saying. If you don’t want them to hear you go inside (or offline).

Or there might be drones 😱

This reminded me of the recent post about someone's husband's diary, the only truly way to keep something written private is to write it then destroy it.

But yes we don't 'own' anything written here and sites exist to make money and drum up trade so they're interlinked.

FoxFeatures · 12/04/2023 10:04

I think that there is a hope that MN is a secret club. It isn't. Once you post, it's there forever. I don't post anything personal for that very reason. Tbh I hardly post at all.

MayThe4th · 12/04/2023 10:05

Absolutely a lot of people who post on tattle are regular posters here.

And tbh it’s a bit disingenuous to be upset about seeing a picture of yourself on a tattle bitching thread which you were clearly reading otherwise you wouldn’t have known the picture was there.

If you’re going to engage in bitching about other people then don’t be too surprised when those other people bitch about you as well…

HarlanPepper · 12/04/2023 10:07

partlyportly · 12/04/2023 08:37

I wonder then if MN could take action if their copyrighted content is posted and dissected elsewhere?

Show quote history

that's the opposite of what they'd want to do. Content being posted and discussed elsewhere drives traffic to the site, which means more advertising revenue.

ItsTrueLou · 12/04/2023 10:09

This is a public forum, can't believe anyone posts real life issues here tbh

CallieQ · 12/04/2023 10:12

partlyportly · 12/04/2023 08:44

I know, I should have known better. But I really didn't expect to find a picture of myself.

Sorry this happened but for me the rule is to not put pics of myself, kids, family etc on any public forum because you never know who will end up looking

kittensinthekitchen · 12/04/2023 10:12

I feel seen 🤣

To be annoyed at other sites discussing mumsnet users?
IAcceptCookies · 12/04/2023 10:15

But MN is anonymous!
However to avoid upset, shame, public embarrassment and possible identification:
Be sure to hold back or tweak certain details.
Name change regularly.
If posting pics of yourself, do not include your face.
Avoid Tattle.
Assume and accept that your comments/thread will be widely read.

Job done. 🤷🏻‍♀️

SoupDragon · 12/04/2023 10:19

MayThe4th · 12/04/2023 10:05

Absolutely a lot of people who post on tattle are regular posters here.

And tbh it’s a bit disingenuous to be upset about seeing a picture of yourself on a tattle bitching thread which you were clearly reading otherwise you wouldn’t have known the picture was there.

If you’re going to engage in bitching about other people then don’t be too surprised when those other people bitch about you as well…

Unless someone posted a link on her original thread.

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 12/04/2023 10:20

kittensinthekitchen · 12/04/2023 10:12

I feel seen 🤣

I did wonder if I'd accidentally posted a picture of myself on MN 🤣

PollyAmour · 12/04/2023 10:22

I wouldn't post a photo of myself on Mumsnet. I'm wary about posting too many photos on Facebook/Instagram and I have tight privacy settings.

I don't want to end up the subject of a thread on tattle or the other place, and definitely not the subject of an article in the Daily Mail.

Tarantullah · 12/04/2023 10:24

Generally there should be no expectation of privacy on a public messageboard, don't post anything at all you wouldn't be happy to be shared elsewhere, even out of context. I would never post a photo on here, if people do they need to consider it could be reposted.

Polis · 12/04/2023 10:28

There’s pictures of me on the internet and in magazines etc. They aren’t linked to anything that could be compromising so I don’t lose any sleep over them.

Florissante · 12/04/2023 10:34

You don't complain about posts about Facebook on MN do you, OP?

AllOfThemWitches · 12/04/2023 10:35

If you're talking about reddit, I really think some mumsnetters bring it on themselves.

barbiesshrimp · 12/04/2023 10:37

What exactly is it you think MN should be doing to “protect our security,” you’re an adult, your security is your own responsibility.

You misunderstood my post @MayThe4th

  • it's anonymous. People are going to post about things that we wouldn't share in real life. The train carriage analogy doesn't work because there's loads of things you wouldn't blurt out on a train that aren't really that private etc.
  • other people are free to repost out content from MN. We often forget that they do this, especially when you use the app. It does feel like a safe space. But it's not.
  • it's also not a good idea to go looking for these things. They're idiots on the internet with nothing better to do than bitch about MNetters. Let them get on with it and ignore.
  • MNHQ should have good data protection. That is why I mean by protect our security. They absolutely should and I'm sure there is a legal basis for this too. We should be able to sue the site without worrying about leaks etc.
EllandRd · 12/04/2023 10:39

partlyportly · 12/04/2023 08:42

The full picture is that I am upset that a picture I posted in a style & beauty thread was shared on tattle and mean comments made about my outfit.

It's my fault for posting it at all but God forbid a woman wants to talk to other women about her outfit without being picked apart.

It's a public forum, if you are going to be offended, don't post?

Russyred · 12/04/2023 10:41

it feels like a violation of our privacy and a breach of trust

It might feel like it, but there’s no violation of privacy when there’s no right to privacy, and there’s no breach of trust when a duty of trust isn’t owed to you by strangers.

Find a closed group to use

EllandRd · 12/04/2023 10:42

Tattle always been nasty, especially the celeb threads. Take no notice OP x

MiddleParking · 12/04/2023 10:43
  • MNHQ should have good data protection.* That is why I mean by protect our security. They absolutely should and I'm sure there is a legal basis for this too. We should be able to sue the site without worrying about leaks etc.

What do you mean by this? @barbiesshrimp there is no ‘leaking’ when you post on a public forum. And this is real life as much as a train carriage is, you’re sharing information with real life strangers who can do whatever they like with it!

DogDream · 12/04/2023 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JudgeRudy · 12/04/2023 10:46

partlyportly · 12/04/2023 08:32

I've noticed that some Mumsnet posts and discussions are being shared on other websites, forums, and social media platforms without the author's consent. I find this really frustrating and wonder if IABU in feeling this way.

I understand that Mumsnet is a public forum, and anyone can read and participate in discussions. But when our posts are taken out of context and shared elsewhere, it feels like a violation of our privacy and a breach of trust. It's especially frustrating when people on other sites start making assumptions or passing judgment based on a single post they've seen, without knowing the full story.

I'm not saying that Mumsnet discussions should be kept completely private, but I do think that we should have some control over where our posts end up. It would be helpful if we could have an option to mark our posts as "private" or "not for sharing," so that we know that they won't be legally copied and pasted elsewhere without our permission.

I'm curious to know if other Mumsnet members feel the same way. Does it bother you when Mumsnet posts are shared on other sites?

YABU = It's the internet, deal with it
YANBU = It's poor form, I don't like it

It's not something I'd get worked up about really. Midly irritating but not specific to MN. Yesterday I was on FB which was sharing a TikTok link which showed a video from Twitter of the Drunk Singers being ejected from the theatre. Everyone was commenting on how roughly these older women were being handled by security....but the snapshot failed to say they were drunk and continued repeatedly singing despite being asked to stop, then they refused to leave. That annoyed me a bit.

DogDream · 12/04/2023 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

barbiesshrimp · 12/04/2023 10:52

MiddleParking · 12/04/2023 10:43

  • MNHQ should have good data protection.* That is why I mean by protect our security. They absolutely should and I'm sure there is a legal basis for this too. We should be able to sue the site without worrying about leaks etc.

What do you mean by this? @barbiesshrimp there is no ‘leaking’ when you post on a public forum. And this is real life as much as a train carriage is, you’re sharing information with real life strangers who can do whatever they like with it!

No... it's not really the same.

It's anonymous and we should expect anonymity and data security. Whether it's shared elsewhere is another matter - and that is a risk we all take, being used as public gossip anonymously. Anyone is allowed to do that but we (legally) should expect that our emails and personal data is secure.

Do you disagree that our emails, names should be private and MN has a responsibility to ensure this is upheld?

You can't stop people sharing and gossiping but our information has to be protected. That's as basic as it gets.