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AIBU?

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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
Maximo2 · 11/04/2023 15:15

It’s her reaction that is weird and disgusting. Get rid!

NotTerfNorCis · 11/04/2023 15:16

Doesn't seem that bad to me. Maybe it's just that 16 is a bit old? But no biggy.

Meandfour · 11/04/2023 15:16

Her reaction is disgusting. Run a mile! Completely normal and no issue whatsoever. Anyone who sees an issue is the one with the issue.

IsThePopeCatholic · 11/04/2023 15:17

Is she jealous?

GreenHorses · 11/04/2023 15:17

Quick birthday hug on your lap, completely normal. In my family we would feel a bit claustrophobic if any one of us had an arm around our shoulder watching tv, it doesn’t happen but that’s us. I have a 16 yr old daughter btw. 16 isn’t an adult. Your partner is over reacting in my book.

My3cents1 · 11/04/2023 15:18

Time to get rid!

StellaGibson2022 · 11/04/2023 15:18

The oddness is with her. She sounds jealous.

vodkaredbullgirl · 11/04/2023 15:18

Her problem, not your problem.

fairgame84 · 11/04/2023 15:18

Your partner is weird.

gogohmm · 11/04/2023 15:19

Weird, my dd sit a on my lap and she's an adult, in fact they love a cuddle on the sofa and dsd will cuddle up to her dad too. Nothing weird, just affectionate family

Notlikelysaidthedragontothefly · 11/04/2023 15:20

Your partner is being very unreasonable and honestly, people like her are the ones I worry about.
How long before like-minded people make it impossible for parents to give their child a kiss on the cheek? A hug? Without others making them feel vilified, weary of showing their children affection, worried if they’re being ‘inappropriate’.
I hope you had a lovely birthday with your daughters and that your so-called partner didn’t spoil it for you.

Weallgottachangesometime · 11/04/2023 15:21

It’s not inappropriate from how you describe it happening.

Of course in difference circumstance it might feel inappropriate, but nothing you have written abounds worrying to me.

I think you need to have a good discussion about where you are going forward if she feels affection towards your children is odd.

LookingWest · 11/04/2023 15:21

She sounds possessive. Cut your losses and don’t let her drive a wedge between you and your daughters.

mummyoffourminimes · 11/04/2023 15:22

Maximo2 · 11/04/2023 15:15

It’s her reaction that is weird and disgusting. Get rid!

This

Peppadog · 11/04/2023 15:23

This gives me the shivers, she is weird and disgusting not you. Get her out your life before she drives a wedge between you and your daughters

Pottedpalm · 11/04/2023 15:23

How fab to have a daughter who loves you and shows it.

Amantissima · 11/04/2023 15:24

She sounds as if she's sexualising your relationship with your teenage daughter AND views her as some kind of rival for your affection/intention.

MissDollyMix · 11/04/2023 15:25

Amantissima · 11/04/2023 15:24

She sounds as if she's sexualising your relationship with your teenage daughter AND views her as some kind of rival for your affection/intention.

Yes this. She’s the creepy one. I’d take this as my cue to end the relationship now.

Barnybrown · 11/04/2023 15:25

Get rid - your partner sounds weird and controlling (“moody all night”). Prioritise your relationship with your daughter and don’t let this woman impact on the affection between you.

Gatehouse77 · 11/04/2023 15:25

I was brought up in a house which was far from tactile. I can only remember a couple of occasions when my father hugged me (because he was happy, nothing to do with me). I can remember thinking how odd it seemed to me when his nieces or nephew would sit on their Dad's lap or even drape themselves across the top of the sofa kind of thing. But, mostly, I was envious of the wonderful relationship they clearly had with their Dad. Someone who they felt so safe and secure with they could just be themselves in his company. Someone who had shown them tactile affection that they wanted to return.

So, disgusting it is not but it can seem weird if it's far from your normal or, dare I say, it's being misconstrued due to personal experience.

roarfeckingroarr · 11/04/2023 15:25

I sit on my dad's sometimes - or more often the arm of his armchair. I'm 35, he's 80. Nothing weird in it at all, he's my dad and we're close, it's really nice to have a proper hug and feel safe like when I was young.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/04/2023 15:27

Has your partner objected to elements of your relationship with your DDs before?

Its a very creepy thing shes suggesting, as well as being very possessive.

Abitofhassle · 11/04/2023 15:27

Your partner is not only unreasonable but possibly malicious.
There is something seriously amiss when a child sitting on her father's knee for a hug causes resentment and/or suspicion. Your partner sounds like she is either jealous or she may have some experiences in her past that could make her feel like this but that should not stand in the way of a loving father and daughter relationship.

Levadia · 11/04/2023 15:28

Easy answer - only YOU know your intentions by putting your arms around your daughters. It sounds to me based on very little evidence that you are a caring and loving father.

Therefore who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? YOU know it comes from a kind and healthy place.

RunningOnHope · 11/04/2023 15:28

Completely normal. I would hold my dads hand sometimes when I was a teenager and we were out shopping together, and at 32 I'd still cuddle up to him on the sofa in front of the TV. Parents are the few people in the world who you can still feel safe and young with, let your daughter have that for as long as she wants!