16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

[RedFlags1]

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

I am put in mind of the quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

Happy to read your update, OP. Sounds like her aim was to drive a wedge between you and your daughters so she could control you.

Why do you think she was like this?

Good luck with your future. Sometimes we find ourselves in bewildering and unfamiliar situations and it takes time to see circumstances clearly. Don't give her any more headspace.

I honestly have no idea why she thinks as she does.
Obsessed with the idea that everyone is jealous of her, her intellect and her career.
She has accused my family of jealousy, her family, her work colleagues and even my kids.

Needed to be put on a pedestal and worshiped.
A very narcissistic individual

My 17 year old dd often has a cuddle with her dad. And I used to hug my dad on the sofa briefly when I came home from a party when he was watching tv. I'd still do it now if he was alive to be honest at 43 but he's been gone 11 years 🥲 your partner clearly doesn't understand the daddy/ daughter bond !

I often used to sit on my dads knee or hug him on the sofa as a teen and young adult - until I got too heavy for the knee sitting! I think her reaction told you more about her jealousy and insecurity of your relationship with your DD and issues in her own upbringing.

Bullet dodged OP! Well done for prioritising your DC and yourself.

Got to be honest I didn’t do this at that age and never witnessed any other friends doing it either, I’d probably therefore note it as out of the ordinary solely based on my perception of normal growing up. But clearly other people here thing it’s totally normal so fair enough!

Thank you for choosing your daughter and getting free of that woman. I remember reading your original post and it hit a nerve for me, as I’m sure it did for a lot of people.

It's good to hear your update. Ironic that she thinks everyone is jealous of her when it seems pretty obvious she was jealous of your 16 year old daughters close relationship with you. You sound like you have a lovely relationship with your daughters, so hopefully you will find someone loving who sees that.

Your partner is a weirdo. My 18yo son sat on me yesterday. Briefly though as otherwise the blood flow to my legs would have been stopped 🤣

@RedFlags1 I'm so pleased to read your update and really glad you didn't put your partner's opinion ahead of your relationship with your daughter. Best wishes for a happy future

Dd snuggled up to Dh for 2 hours yesterday watching tv. She’ll be 18 in July.

It makes me feel happy to see it.

Yes, there are quite a few women like this. They can barely tolerate their partner's mother or sister, never mind his daughter. Totally ridiculous and shows a severe lack of self esteem if they feel threatened by a relative.

Good to see you put your daughters first OP and all the best for the future.

Well done OP. I truly wish my ex husband had been like a you and not so damned weak. Because of a jealous and controlling OW, my son no longer has a father. Well done for standing up for your girls, especially the youngest. She will learn a lot from that as she grows. Your lunatic ex can get to fuck.

I wondered if the partner had been abused by a close relative at that sort of age and was getting flash backs, it does seem like a huge over-reaction otherwise.

I would end this relationship. She's jealous of your daughter. It won't go well.

@Universalsnail @Bumblebeeinatree worth reading the OP's update. In all honesty it sounds like his partner was some of narcissist and couldn't stand the idea of him having a close and loving relationship with anyone else.

He has ended the relationship. Read the OP's post at 07.34 today.

Her reaction is concerning

it's far easier to say than do but it is exceedingly good advice for us all I think

That's fucking pathetic tbh. Worse than my husband moaning about my 18 year son (also his son) laying his head on my lap with a cushion under. Your daughter is not some random other woman. If my dad were still alive I would do the same

It’s great that you felt comfortable in reaching out for advice as well!

(esp. to a bunch of internet trolls with nothing better to do…) 😂😂😂

One of the comments was to the effect of "if you haven't already left her, what is wrong with you"
I kept returning to that thought often in recent months and am relieved that she is now out of my life, and out of my family's. I do wonder why I clung onto the relationship for so long in the hope of changing her, when it was obvious she'd not change.