16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

[RedFlags1]

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

I was abused my adoptive father as a teen. So I do sometimes struggle to normalise physical affection between teen girls and male relatives. But I'm aware that's down to my own history and my issue to deal with and that just because this happened to me, doesn't mean all men will abuse their daughters.

Is it possible something like this is at play? That seems a very visceral reaction.

If not then that's a very troubling mindset.

It is strange to me, because I didn’t have that sort of close relationship with my dad and I can’t remember ever sitting on his knee/ holding his hand or even having eye contact with him to be honest.

But, that being said, I also understand that my family dynamic was different to others, so I certainly wouldn’t have judged you or your daughter…and whilst it may have made me think ‘oh’ I certainly wouldn’t have sulked and sexualised such an innocent action.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

what a bloody drama llama, get rid OP

Red flag. She is jealous and possessive. Keep a close eye on this and prioritise your relationship with your family.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

Your DP is a very dramatic.

If it’s exactly as you say and you didn’t leave any details out, then no, it’s not disgusting or inappropriate.

I often give my dad a hug - I'm 42.

I probably wouldn't sit on his knee cause I'd be worried about breaking them but I'm sure I did for many years past 16!!

BUT - I would try and explore what made her feel weird rather than instantly dump her.... different families have different experiences and I'd be curious about hers rather than showing anger towards her.

Gawd, I bet she's not much fun in bed.

One of my sons still sat on my lap when he came home from university, and he was still getting into our bed in the morning up until he got married.

I remember sitting on my Dad's knee until I was 17 or 18.
Sadly my mum gave us a look like your partner seems to have done. :-(

I've been cuddling with my dad for half a century at this point, and I plan to continue as long as the two of us are alive together. Other siblings the same. My mother has always been totally unthreatened by this. My father's various partners over the years, have yes been jealous on occasion. As they are with a reminder that he had a life before that partner, and relationships that continue from that time.

My father's attitude has always been 'these are my kids, get over it'. One of the many things I love about him.

If this is the first thought that jumped into her head, then you really do need to rethink the relationship. You say she’s a new partner. How much do you know about her background ? Has she been abused, or is there any other reason she would view a perfectly normal interaction with your daughter like this ? If so, it’s very sad, but she can’t project her past experiences onto you like this. If not, it’s just malicious and you need to stop it in it’s tracks.

Normal behavior, weird reaction.

does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?
Nope.

I think it is funny when my teen/young adult nieces or nephews sit on their parents lap, especially if that parent is my sibling, as we weren't bought up with such affection.

I think your girlfriend has serious issues. She is an adult and if she doesn't know what is in the range of normal including not being moody then to save yourself more aggravation it is time to split up with her.

she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

When did this happen then?

Before or after your teenaged daughter gave you a quick birthday hug?

Ok that last bit cannot be serious??????? 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

Not disgusting at all. Really sweet.

I’d be wondering , though, whether there’s some sort of abuse in yourDP’s past that has made her overreact in this way.

This also made me wonder if your partner had a traumatic experience growing up.

Hi Op
Even though I didn't grow up in a particulars affection demonstrative family background,

I think your Partner attitude is slightly quirky

What you described I dont see anything weird

I think your daughter is getting a bit too old for hug on the knee at 16 yrs

That could be just way I brought up,

I think there could be , something in her background way she has been brought up or something in her past

Don't let it affect your lovely relationship with your daughter,

Also rember the fact she your daughter has a good strong healthy loving relationship with you her Dad

Is a real good thing,

Cause of this your daughter when she starts to date,
She will have a higher self cofindence about herself,
So she will less likely put up with any boys , who are Arseholes types,

This obviously includes when she is grown up and she dates men too

Be proud of that

As obviously you are her primary role model of what she should or shouldn't put up in any Relationship, @RedFlags1

One day when she gets engaged and married..

You will be able to breath a sigh of relief,

That by being the way you just Are

Your future Son in Law will be one of the good guys in this life,
Like the way you sound @RedFlags1 too

When you see your Quirky slightly Odd Partner

Please 🙏 tell her what i said to you on this mumsnet thread too

It be quite interesting and telling what she 🤔 about my comments here too

Knee is OK but lap is weird for obvious reasons.

My dad likes to give me a kiss (not a quick one, more of a smooch) on my head and my mum gets really disgusted by that as apparently it's not done with adult children... But when I was young she used to frequently ask me if my dad had molested me (which really messed me up). For the longest time I was absolutely convinced she underwent CSA or something, but I do believe her now that that's not the case. So really not sure why. She's quite affectionate herself.

Sick? Faint? What a load of melodramatic nonsense. I have a picture of me sitting on my dad’s knee when I was 18. He was probably in agony 😀

Caveat though, my mum has extreme anxiety about everything and anything under the sun. She could've read cases of men molesting their daughters, got it into her head as another thing to be neurotic about, and although that worry is now no longer applicable as I'm grown up, is suffering from its hangover impact.

So it could just be a paranoia thing rather than a childhood sexual abuse thing on your partner's part.

Or maybe your partner frequently watches porn, or has come across it to a large extent. The whole sexualisation of teenagers, or even daddy and daughter thing is a big thing in porn, I think...

My DD is only 14, but the same size as me and often lies on the sofa and cuddles my DH - well, uses him as a pillow! He’s pretty cuddly and she is relaxed and safe in his company.

Jealous for sure she wants to be the total centre of attention.

It can be disgusting if a older male relative makes young women sit on his knee and gets a sexual thrill from it. Many women have this kind of trauma in their history. It is possible she finds it 'triggering' but more likely she has half understood stories of other people's abuse and that's why she can't tell the difference.

Clearly hugging cuddling (even in a chair) sharing settees etc is normal and affectionate behaviour between you and your daughters.

I would consider changing the girlfriend rather than stopping showing affection to your daughters

I ment to say there could be something in your Partners background the way she was brought up or her past,
Gives her the visceral Ick feeling at the sight of you being affectionate to your daughter

I think your Partner could / or got some serious issue /issues that are unresolved,

The real issue here is it going to make you feel uncomfortable or Arkward to feel yourselves in your own home @RedFlags1

For your own Sake
I think you need to seriously Consirder is this the kind of relationship or Partner I want in my life and my children's lives too@RedFlags1