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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 11/04/2023 16:44

Maximo2 · 11/04/2023 15:15

It’s her reaction that is weird and disgusting. Get rid!

Absolutely this. Really consider this relationship before you wreck the one you have with your daughter. Seriously.

MissMaple82 · 11/04/2023 16:44

It's not abnormal at all. You need get rid of that one!!!

ShowUs · 11/04/2023 16:44

I would end my relationship if my partner implied I was a peado.

I’m sure she has issues in her own past which is why she feels this way but that is not an excuse to accuse you of something so vile.

BonoboBeans · 11/04/2023 16:46

I wonder if your girlfriend was sexually abused as a child. In any event, break up.

Pubesofsoberness · 11/04/2023 16:47

I wouldn't care what her issues are, I'd just get rid

LuvSmallDogs · 11/04/2023 16:48

It is not something done in my family at that age, but I know it's normal for other families.

She sounds jealous, which is pretty gross. I could understand a victim of child abuse finding it uncomfortable to witness certain acts of affection that they associated with the abuse, but you still couldn't let that rule you and your DDs lives.

WilsonMilson · 11/04/2023 16:48

You sound like a great dad. Your partner is the weird one to take an innocent fatherly hug and turn it into something seedy and wrong - says a lot about her. She sounds jealous and quite honestly, I’d be considering whether you want a future with her.

billy1966 · 11/04/2023 16:49

What an ugly reaction.

Dump her.

BellePeppa · 11/04/2023 16:49

Gatehouse77 · 11/04/2023 15:25

I was brought up in a house which was far from tactile. I can only remember a couple of occasions when my father hugged me (because he was happy, nothing to do with me). I can remember thinking how odd it seemed to me when his nieces or nephew would sit on their Dad's lap or even drape themselves across the top of the sofa kind of thing. But, mostly, I was envious of the wonderful relationship they clearly had with their Dad. Someone who they felt so safe and secure with they could just be themselves in his company. Someone who had shown them tactile affection that they wanted to return.

So, disgusting it is not but it can seem weird if it's far from your normal or, dare I say, it's being misconstrued due to personal experience.

Same as my house but I remember visiting some relatives and they were much more tactile with each other. My cousin was draped all over her parents and I remember thinking, not that’s disgusting, but how nice it was they were so close and relaxed with each other as I couldn’t imagine being like that with my own parents. I think you can tell if it’s healthy and if it’s not.

CheshireCat1 · 11/04/2023 16:53

The issue lies with your partner, not you and your daughter.

ittakes2 · 11/04/2023 16:53

It’s a red flag she is going to be jealous of your relationship with your daughter I think. I would see it as a huge plus that a father had such a close relationship with his teen daughter - that he was a man that respected females as his daughter valued him.

Greyarea12 · 11/04/2023 16:54

If this was me i would turn it right back on her and say - now that I have given it some thought, I find you sexualising my 16 year old sitting on my knee really disturbing and warped and I can't be with someone who is so clearly disturbed.

Poppyblush · 11/04/2023 16:54

ditch the girlfriend!

SammyScrounge · 11/04/2023 16:54

Run for your life! This woman's reaction.was abnormal .seeming to imply something unhealthy in your relationship with your daughter. That suggests a twisted mind or a misplaced jealousy. And why does she refer to your daughter as an adult woman when she's hardly that? Whatever is going on in this woman's mind, it will not end well for your daughter if you continue this new relationship. Get rid of her.before she starts.being nasty to your daughter and drives her away.

DrPrunesquallor · 11/04/2023 16:55

Is your partner jealous of your daughters.
They are young women, does she have a problem with other young women being around you.
Id ask her the question.

BCBird · 11/04/2023 16:56

Nothing wringvwyth what your daughter or you did. Ur partner's reaction is ridiculous

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/04/2023 16:57

Pretty unanimous there op. It is lovely you have such a close bond with your dd.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 11/04/2023 16:57

Amantissima · 11/04/2023 15:24

She sounds as if she's sexualising your relationship with your teenage daughter AND views her as some kind of rival for your affection/intention.

This is what I was going to say and the partner is the one totally in the wrong for this. I would be worried for your DD that she could potentially try to put a wedge between you through jealousy, just awful!

Northtosouth · 11/04/2023 16:58

Wow your partner is nuts.
I’m 31 and still cuddle my dad all the time, he’s my dad and I love him. Never thought it was weird.

Rosula · 11/04/2023 17:00

Sick and about to faint? That is just ridiculous.

Ivoteflora · 11/04/2023 17:05

MissDollyMix · 11/04/2023 15:25

Yes this. She’s the creepy one. I’d take this as my cue to end the relationship now.

Show quote history

Agree!

happyme2 · 11/04/2023 17:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Kennykenkencat · 11/04/2023 17:11

My Ds sits on my knee to give me a hug

Totally normal thing to do.

I would say this triggered something that she might need to look more closely at

user1471556818 · 11/04/2023 17:11

Not disgusting at all but her response is
Frankly would be really reconsidering this relationship

mamnotmum · 11/04/2023 17:12

Super weird......

...... reaction to your daughter sitting on your knee!

Afraid I agree with everyone else - the partner has issues! Perhaps she was abused and it's triggered her but her reaction to you and your daughter is not ok. Nor is the 'going in a mood'. Maybe kindly suggest that she has counselling to address her issues but ensure she knows your relationship with your daughters will be remaining the same and she can like it or lump it!