16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

[RedFlags1]

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

Another one saying she’s weird and jealous, and is sexualising your relationship with your child. There are some things that would be crossing the line but sitting on your dad’s lap and briefly hugging him is not it.

No age is too old for a daughter to sit in her dad's knee briefly for a hug!

Likewise no age is too old for the daughter to do the same to her mum, or for a sin to do the same to either parent.

The girlfriend is very much the strange one and tbh her attitude regarding it would be a big red flag for me.

You need to dump her fast!!

that noise you are hearing is an alarm bell.

🚩 behaviour from your partner. Please reconsider your relationship with her.

She sounds bonkers ... honestly to have that reaction to your daughter sitting on your knee is bizarre. I never had a dad growing up and also suffered from sexual abuse from a non relative as a teenager and I still find your new partners reaction completely weird

She's is incredibly insecure. Do not let her make this about your daughters behavior, or even yours (look for gaslighting signs). If she continues to be unreasonable then get rid of her! She's probably gonna have a problem with you having a dance with your daughter at her own wedding!

I'm nearly 60 and my Dad still gives me a hug when I sit next to him, he's 86 and thankfully going strong. He still calls me Bab and rings ever day to check I'm ok. You sound like you have a lovely relationship with your daughters, just dump your partner 😊.

Yep. My 16 year old very often cuddles up to me on the sofa or sits with her legs on my lap. Completely normal.

I would honestly dump my partner over that. What an utterly ridiculous attitude.

Moody all night, or upset all night?

My upbringing was not normal or healthy and I sometimes do not know what normal boundaries are. Sometimes someone does something entirely unremarkable that makes me react badly, because if it was done to me at that age it would have meant something traumatic. And I don’t know how to act. I might feel dizzy or sick or angry. I’m working on it. But sometimes things make me panicky that I cannot foresee happening and I have a reaction I do not expect.

maybe there is something else going on.

Quite normal in our house. DD, 17, and DH are often tucked up together to watch TV.

Definitely not disgusting. It's disgusting of her to sexualise affection between a father and daughter. It's a concern that she thinks this is an issue.

This

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

Bit of a drama queen, isn't she?
She sounds jealous of your DD and the only disgusting thing is her reaction.

She thought she was about to faint? I think she has issues and I'd be very tempted to end things with her. It doesn't sound like discussing it with her will change her mind given that the mere thought of it makes her feel sick. My family is less tactile than this but what you describe doesn't sound inappropriate to me.

You are dating someone weird, controlling and with a disturbed sense of what is normal.

Its totally normal parent/child affection. I can't see the issue . I used to sit on my Dad's knee at 16 . We'd watch TV together for half an hour or so, then I'd wander off & do my own thing. He died when I was 19 & it's one of my best memories of him, as my mother didn't 'do' affection.

Buy her a swooning couch as a ‘parting of the ways’ present.

A partner asking you to change your parenting is never a good thing. Time to reconsider that relationship

My dad's not particularly the huggy sort, but I'd still sit on his knee and I'm in my 40s.

She's jealous of your 16 year old and her reaction to this is a massive over reaction.
I would be ending things.

I think it says more about her than you. Is there anything in her childhood that has triggered that reaction?

Hugs with my (now dead) dad is one of my favourite memories of him. Please continue hugging your daughter.

Run away! I have friends with stories about their fathers new partners being possessive and jealous just because they dare to exist as their fathers children. They always became “ex” in the end, even the ones who become wives. For the sake of your DC, leave her and don’t look back

She sounds like a nut job - get rid of her!

She's the creep. Get rid.