16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

[RedFlags1]

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

I sit on my dads knees and I'm 28!

Get rid. She's fucking weird.

Completely normal. Her reaction is utterly ridiculous. One of my favourite pictures of my Dead Dad and me was me sitting on his lap aged around 18 probably.

she is relaxed and safe in his company.

exactly as it should be

Sounds like a normal loving relationship you have with your DD. Your partner’s reaction is unusual, sad and doesn’t bode well for the future.

Me too!!!! It is one of my favourite pictures! And at 34, I still have the most wonderful relationship with my dad. My husband thinks it is lovely how close we are and hopes that he has as fantastic a relationship with our daughter as she grows. Sorry OP but your partner sounds at best jealous and at worse like she is trying to drive a wedge. My dad had a girlfriend like this who hated him being so involved in mine and my sister’s lives…. Notice the use of ‘had’.

What's disgusting and inappropriate is her! Run

Not sure I really know the difference between sitting on someone's knee or on their lap. To me they mean the same thing. It's not like anyone actually sits just on someone's knees specifically.

I wish my son was more huggy!

I think your partner's reaction was odd. My first reaction when I read your post was that this says more about what might have happened to her, than what you were doing.

Whilst you should not put your partner's feelings above the loving relationship you have with your daughter, if you are going to continue the relationship then I think you need to get to the bottom of it. If she has suffered some form of abuse - or perhaps it happened to a sibling or a daughter - then this is something that is, understandably, going to trigger it. So it might be that you carry on with the relationship, but confide in your daughters that displays of affection should be kept to when she isn't there to start with, and hopefully if your relationship with your partner continues then she will become more comfortable with it.

But if there is no reason for this reaction - other than being a nut job who sees vice when there isn't any - then I would think twice about carrying on.

Strange reaction. There must be a back story.
I often sat on my dad’s lap to watch telly as did my Dsis.
also when we went out somewhere or to bed we hugged and kissed both my parents.
It’s the most natural thing in the world to show affection to loved ones.
I wonder what has gone on in this ladies life to cause such a reaction.

It’s a bit sad that she thinks this and she needs to understand that there are different types of touch, many of which are wholly fine and appropriate. It’s ok to be on guard against inappropriate touch but seems that she has them confused. She could Google it but for starters there are differences between:
Friendly touch
Loving touch
Sexual touch
Fixing touch
Accidental touch
Hurtful, aggressive touch
Space invading touch
Problem touch
etc etc. obvs this list isn’t the be all and end all and sexual touch can be both wonderful or problematic, but at least it shows the breadth of touch. I think it’s sad that people are now so worried about being accused of inappropriate touching that they draw back from any of it but I guess that does make things safer.

When I reached about 10/11 my father started (physically) pushing me away if I went to hug him or sit on his lap. He thought it was 'wrong'. Our relationship never really recovered. Don't be like my dad.

It’s lovely you have a wonderful relationship with your girls dp sounds jealous and unhinged tbh I mean sick and faint?

my dad was a bit of a creep and I don’t speak to him let alone have cuddles I would never assume the worst of a daughter and father sharing affection, it’s lovely and something I didn’t have. Your gf is odd I would swerve her

What in Hades?? 👀😳

I’m 30 and at the weekend I laid on the sofa with my head in my fathers lap (using him as a pillow basically).
Not weird at all.

I have a 16 year old daughter and the idea that she is an adult is laughable.

Red flag! Get rid of her fast! She's probably one of those that think that 'all men are rapists' or other such rot.

Please get rid of her, she's jealous of your Daughter!

I would ditch the new partner and let no one interfere in my relationship with my kids. Mega wankery behaviour. Yuck levels of control coming across. Get rid.

She in entitled to her reaction, and if you find her reaction offensive ,you are entitled to be rid of her.

Neither of you are captives in this relationship. You cannot control her thought processes, but you need not be held captive by them.

Set her free to find someone whose thought processes are aligned with hers, and you are free to find someone whose thoughts are more consistent with yours. Some people are inclined to see things as unacceptable and prurient because that is the way that their mind works.

You don't need to argue, justify, or defend. If that is the way that she is inclined to think, you need to wish her well and liberate yourself.

Absolutely nothing wrong with what you have described. Perfectly natural and normal.

I'd want to have a seriousconversation with my partner if they felt that normal tactile affection between parent and child was abnormal/ disgusting/ inappropriate.
Yes we all grew up with different "normals" but her reaction is extreme.

Her issue.

I've just been lying on the sofa squished up next to DS1 (17) who was alongside me and at one point had his head on my boobs as a pillow. He's my baby. There is nothing odd about it.

Her attitude is ridiculous.
My partner has two daughters who are 15 and 17 and they often perch on his knee for a quick cuddle. I thinks it's lovely they have such a close relationship and shows what a brilliant dad he is.
I'd be seriously considering the future of my relationship if I were in your shoes.

I still sat on my Dad's knee for a cuddle at 16 and beyond. Nothing whatsoever weird or disgusting about it. Your partners reaction is a huge red flag.

She is JEALOUS.

Sounds like your partner was triggered by something in herself. Probably a rational reaction in her mind at that moment in time but not in real life.... sounds like something has happened in her past