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Original poster

SIL said i was rude, i think she was rude. Strange fight about grill party

172 replies

Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 09:35

Help me understand if i was rude or SIL was out of line.

Some background info:
We host Easter party since many years (same as Christmas and other parties) and we are happy to do so
SIL's family is way wealthier than us
SIL and her DH are absolutely not generous

On Easter day, i was in the kitchen prepping food and SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.
It happened already in the past that SIL brought some meat specific for them at our grill parties so i did not think so much about it.
When we started to grill I told my DH which one was SIL's meat and I made sure their meat finished on their tray.

At the end of the party, she opened the fridge and saw that their meat was not there anymore and she asked where it was. I explained her that i thought it was the meat they wanted to eat at the party and she was very pissed off.
She said that it was their meat, that they wanted to eat the day after, it was not to be shared, and i had to right to use it without asking.
I apologized, it was clearly a misunderstanding, and she went on saying that i threw off her plans etc.
I did not know what to say, so i apologized again and told her she could take something out of our fridge to cover for tomorrow.

She then took all the meat she found (which was supposed to cover our family of 4 for the week) and said again that she found very rude that i used their meat instead of the one i had in the fridge. (Which i actually DID use. I just did not use the food i bought for the normal week)

I was then distracted by my toddler trying to climb on the table and by the time i was back she had left with her family.

So, she thinks i was very rude, and i think she was super rude.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Grrrrdarling · 12/04/2023 19:38

Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 09:35

Help me understand if i was rude or SIL was out of line.

Some background info:
We host Easter party since many years (same as Christmas and other parties) and we are happy to do so
SIL's family is way wealthier than us
SIL and her DH are absolutely not generous

On Easter day, i was in the kitchen prepping food and SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.
It happened already in the past that SIL brought some meat specific for them at our grill parties so i did not think so much about it.
When we started to grill I told my DH which one was SIL's meat and I made sure their meat finished on their tray.

At the end of the party, she opened the fridge and saw that their meat was not there anymore and she asked where it was. I explained her that i thought it was the meat they wanted to eat at the party and she was very pissed off.
She said that it was their meat, that they wanted to eat the day after, it was not to be shared, and i had to right to use it without asking.
I apologized, it was clearly a misunderstanding, and she went on saying that i threw off her plans etc.
I did not know what to say, so i apologized again and told her she could take something out of our fridge to cover for tomorrow.

She then took all the meat she found (which was supposed to cover our family of 4 for the week) and said again that she found very rude that i used their meat instead of the one i had in the fridge. (Which i actually DID use. I just did not use the food i bought for the normal week)

I was then distracted by my toddler trying to climb on the table and by the time i was back she had left with her family.

So, she thinks i was very rude, and i think she was super rude.

What do you think?

Tell her to get over herself. Next time she either doesn’t come or doesn’t bring meat to your home again when meat is being cooked.
She is well rude as this was a simple misunderstanding not a spiteful act or theft.

GleamingGoldenTresses · 12/04/2023 20:06

BevMarsh · 11/04/2023 09:40

She was the rude one.
No way I'd of been allowing her to take home my meat for the week ahead.

Never invite them again.

Exactly this

Gagaandgag · 12/04/2023 20:29

What an awful person she is
I feel for you

Absolutelyridiculous · 12/04/2023 20:57

I've never heard of anyone taking meat to a BBQ, putting it in the hosts fridge, and then saying " half is for the BBQ and other half I'm taking home!!" It sounds bizarre and nuts to me ! I'd have thought they were joking tbh.

Regardless if it's family or friends, I would never invite or be in contact with them again. It seems to me she did this purposely , pre-planned it, wanting to cause an argument or a rift between your families. We all know these "odd ball" people, so I'd leave her to get on with her life mixing with other "odd balls!!"
But don't invite her around ever again!!
I'm convinced she did this as she knows you are not confrontational, she probably left your house with your weeks food , smiling!
She's a lonely sad person , best avoided!
Laugh at her! She's not worth the waste of energy!
Y A N B U

TheOrigRights · 12/04/2023 21:04

I've never heard of anyone taking meat to a BBQ, putting it in the hosts fridge, and then saying " half is for the BBQ and other half I'm taking home!!" It sounds bizarre and nuts to me ! I'd have thought they were joking tbh.

I don't think it's that odd to go shopping on your way to the host's place and then ask to keep some bits you've picked up for yourself to take home in their fridge. I've done this, but I would keep those things in a carrier bag, possibly with a note on and obviously ask the host AND make it very clear.
I also wouldn't be so tight as to only bring a loaf of bread!

Caiti19 · 12/04/2023 21:13

Your SIL is self-centered to a clinical degree.

Conkersinautumn · 12/04/2023 21:19

Hold parties without them in future.

Bluebellsarebest · 12/04/2023 21:56

She sounds ridiculously rude! Oh my gosh

Misty333 · 12/04/2023 22:34

She’s not a nice person. Ok she brought meat to bbq and thought you would not cook it!!! You would just leave it in the fridge and use all your own meat. Weird, your hubby should have stepped in or talked to her later about her attitude. Never understand some people. Why can’t everyone just muck in and be nice to each other.

Dilemma19 · 12/04/2023 22:42

Do people actually squabble over stuff like this? This whole encounter sounds so embarrassing- arguing over meat?

Elfandwellbeing · 12/04/2023 22:47

Your sil is a weirdo

Ktime · 12/04/2023 22:48

Dilemma19 · 12/04/2023 22:42

Do people actually squabble over stuff like this? This whole encounter sounds so embarrassing- arguing over meat?

OP hasn’t argued though?

GrannyWeatherwax23 · 13/04/2023 05:14

There's no way this woman would ever be allowed back in my home, no matter who she was related to. She'd be gone from my life, forever.

GrannyWeatherwax23 · 13/04/2023 05:14

Yes, it's very strange that her SIL squabbled over meat. Good for the OP that she didn't.

Rightsraptor · 13/04/2023 06:18

So your SiL & BiL did actually eat their own meat, which seems to be what everyone was expecting (though I think that's a bit weird), just at the wrong time? At your BBQ whatever, instead of taking it home, and you had to replace it for them?

Your SiL is a cheeky cow. But I have no suggestions about how to handle it as there could be ramifications, if your family is like most families. WW3 could ensue.

Aprilx · 13/04/2023 06:52

They asked if they could “store” their meat in your fridge, so I don’t know why you thought you should use it, even if you did only give it to them. A quick question was surely warranted. I don’t think she was that rude to point out that you have used her shopping that she was storing and you told her she could take something to replace it which she did and no more. I think a misunderstanding is all this is.

potatowhale · 13/04/2023 07:12

Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 09:45

To answer a couple of questions

  • the amount of meat she took was the same of what she brought. We do not eat a lot of meat so it is not that she shopped in our fridge. But it anyway upset me
  • the reason why they had the meat with them, was that they stopped at a shop opened on easter day on the way to the party.

Then she should have made absolutely clear that the meat she had bought to the meat party was actually not for the meat party and not to be cooked.

Aprilx · 13/04/2023 07:17

potatowhale · 13/04/2023 07:12

Then she should have made absolutely clear that the meat she had bought to the meat party was actually not for the meat party and not to be cooked.

Show quote history

Doesn’t asking to “store” the food in their fridge make that really quite clear? But if in doubt, OP really should have asked. SIL could have been more gracious about the mistake though.

potatowhale · 13/04/2023 07:20

Aprilx · 13/04/2023 07:17

Doesn’t asking to “store” the food in their fridge make that really quite clear? But if in doubt, OP really should have asked. SIL could have been more gracious about the mistake though.

Show quote history

I guess so. And also apologies to SIL I see it was her DH who was the storee

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 13/04/2023 07:38

Doesn’t asking to “store” the food in their fridge make that really quite clear? But if in doubt, OP really should have asked. SIL could have been more gracious about the mistake though.

Not particularly. Things are "stored" before they are used. There's nothing to suggest that the storage they were requesting was for something unrelated to the party.

I'd say "can I store this in your fridge" interchangeably with "stash" and "put" if taking something to a party, and that would mean "...until such time it is used for the party".

If I was taking something that wasn't for the party I'd be explicit and say "can I store/put/stash/keep this in your fridge until we go home please. It's for our dinner tomorrow and I don't want it to go off"

When the context is a couple that normally brings their own better quality meat for themselves and no one else I don't think simply asking to "store" is sufficiently clear that this is not one of those occasions and that actually they mean "store for the duration of the party and don't use it because we're taking it home. This time we'll just eat your food instead". If that's what they meant they needed to communicate that, particularly when they were not making any other real contribution which might have otherwise made it clear.

Op wasn't in doubt because of their normal approach so had no reason to ask. It was their miscommunication and mistake.

AliceOlive · 13/04/2023 18:16

When I have friends or family over for a shared meal they often ask if there is room in the oven or fridge for a dish.

I think it’s weird she made a big deal over totally replaceable meat!

newnamethanks · 13/04/2023 18:46

What do I think? I think that simpering pandering to aggressive family members is absurd and helpful to nobody. I have no idea why people put up with this sort of nonsense. Try to be more assertive.

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