SIL said i was rude, i think she was rude. Strange fight about grill party

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Help me understand if i was rude or SIL was out of line.

Some background info:
We host Easter party since many years (same as Christmas and other parties) and we are happy to do so
SIL's family is way wealthier than us
SIL and her DH are absolutely not generous

On Easter day, i was in the kitchen prepping food and SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.
It happened already in the past that SIL brought some meat specific for them at our grill parties so i did not think so much about it.
When we started to grill I told my DH which one was SIL's meat and I made sure their meat finished on their tray.

At the end of the party, she opened the fridge and saw that their meat was not there anymore and she asked where it was. I explained her that i thought it was the meat they wanted to eat at the party and she was very pissed off.
She said that it was their meat, that they wanted to eat the day after, it was not to be shared, and i had to right to use it without asking.
I apologized, it was clearly a misunderstanding, and she went on saying that i threw off her plans etc.
I did not know what to say, so i apologized again and told her she could take something out of our fridge to cover for tomorrow.

She then took all the meat she found (which was supposed to cover our family of 4 for the week) and said again that she found very rude that i used their meat instead of the one i had in the fridge. (Which i actually DID use. I just did not use the food i bought for the normal week)

I was then distracted by my toddler trying to climb on the table and by the time i was back she had left with her family.

So, she thinks i was very rude, and i think she was super rude.

What do you think?

SIL is irretrievably batshit fucking cray cray.

You were trying to be decent and kind and nice, in the face of astonishingly poor behaviour from the batshit one. You weren't a wet lettuce, but you would be if you apologise because you are not in the wrong. You apologised for a misunderstanding that actually BIL's fault for not specifying what the meat was for. You've done enough.

And don't invite SIL again and what everyone else says.

I’ve read your updates. She’s very rude and I wouldn’t have her over again.

She brought bread and that’s all?! Brilliant. So you provided all the meat, sides, drink etc. she still got to eat her (lesser quality) meat and all the rest. Then she takes home your meat for the week? Why on earth would you let her get away with this?

No normal person brings their own meat to a BBQ (as she has done in the past) and doesn’t share it! She doesn’t get invited again to a meal at your house again. This is not a one off. She is just rude and an ungrateful guest.

It sounds like a misunderstanding to me. She stopped off at a shop for the bread I assume and picked up some meat supplies for her own home for the following day, she stored them in your fridge to keep them fresh and you assumed it was for the bbq and cooked it. So really both are at fault for not communicating properly.

I've gone to bbqs and house parties and there's been times I've stopped off for flowers or wine or ice and seen something nice and bought it for myself, one time while getting ice the butcher counter had lovely meat at very reasonable prices and I picked up some, stored it in sil fridge but obviously told her. This is what your sil should have done.

You offered her your meat, which was very generous and she took you up on your offer. Unfortunately it was your weeks supplies so now you have to buy more, personally I probably would have offered too as I would have felt terribly guilty.

Put it down to bad communication on both sides and you will all probably laugh in the future about it.

More fool you OP. Stop being so bloody wet. I certainly wouldn't host again to prove a point and I would tell people why. Then again she wouldn't have walked out of my house with my food. People treat you like a mug because you allow it.

This

I wonder how people like the Op get on in life! They must go around in a perpetual state of being pissed off but doing bugger all about it

This is the truth

Surely it's BIL's fault for not explaining that the meat was not for that day? You're not psychic.

I often wonder the same @Facem81!

It was her responsibility to tell you that wasn’t for the bbq. She sounds very entitled.

I completely agree with you. It sounds like the situation with your friend was a misunderstanding that she has blown out of proportion. It's not fair for her to take your family's weekly food shop as a way of getting back at you.

Your SIL sounds like an ungrateful do and so.

They sound horrible
They don’t contribute
She had the audacity to not see a genuine mistake, told you off ( after you hosted them) and then took your food.!

Stop inviting them.

I wouldn't be hosting them again.

Her dh sounds no better, wanting his good quality meat cooking by you but eaten only by him. Rude.

Don't invite them to anything ever again and if they ask just explain due to the meat incident it's best that they celebrate separately. What an abnormal and toxic pair, your sil and bil.

Very good point

They can host next year- and you can contribute a whole loaf of bread! 😂

Well he did ask the OP if the meat could be stored in her fridge. I think with that wording the OP could have checked before assuming it was to be eaten that day.

This is bonkers!

Why did you allow her to take the rest of your meat?

Why did her DH think this was ok?

Why did your DH not say anything to his sister?

Crazy!

Don't invite her again to any family events you host. It's not like shes going to host her own rival events or anything. She's as tight fisted and stingy as they come. As for "contributing" a loaf of bread, that's a joke. Unless she was struggling for money, I wouldn't have let that lie. Did she even bring anything for you, the host? A gifted bottle of wine or chocolates?

Send her this thread OP and really wind her up 😂

YABU to say that SIL is wealthier than you (its irrelevant)
YABU to go on about cheap versus good quality meat (its irrelevant)
YABU to keep inviting people that you dont like.
YABU to not let your partner sort his sister out.
YANBU to say that SIL was rude to you.

Irrelevant.

If you bring meat to a BBQ, the onus is on YOU to communicate that the meat is not for consumption, not the host.

This is basic shit.

I think she was rude in the first instance but not for taking the meat. If you didn't want her to take it, you shouldn't have offered. You didn't have to find a solution for a very minor mistake.

So there was a misunderstanding and you cooked her meat. Even though she ate it, you
told her to take your meat to compensate. She took the same amount not all your food.

If she hadn't had her own meat with her, then surely she would have eaten your meat at the party, so you are no worse off.

Complete non event

But neither were rude really, just misunderstanding.
They brought shopping for following week (weird but hey ho), it got cooked by accident. They then replaced the same quantity with some of your meat.