SIL said i was rude, i think she was rude. Strange fight about grill party

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Help me understand if i was rude or SIL was out of line.

Some background info:
We host Easter party since many years (same as Christmas and other parties) and we are happy to do so
SIL's family is way wealthier than us
SIL and her DH are absolutely not generous

On Easter day, i was in the kitchen prepping food and SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.
It happened already in the past that SIL brought some meat specific for them at our grill parties so i did not think so much about it.
When we started to grill I told my DH which one was SIL's meat and I made sure their meat finished on their tray.

At the end of the party, she opened the fridge and saw that their meat was not there anymore and she asked where it was. I explained her that i thought it was the meat they wanted to eat at the party and she was very pissed off.
She said that it was their meat, that they wanted to eat the day after, it was not to be shared, and i had to right to use it without asking.
I apologized, it was clearly a misunderstanding, and she went on saying that i threw off her plans etc.
I did not know what to say, so i apologized again and told her she could take something out of our fridge to cover for tomorrow.

She then took all the meat she found (which was supposed to cover our family of 4 for the week) and said again that she found very rude that i used their meat instead of the one i had in the fridge. (Which i actually DID use. I just did not use the food i bought for the normal week)

I was then distracted by my toddler trying to climb on the table and by the time i was back she had left with her family.

So, she thinks i was very rude, and i think she was super rude.

What do you think?

I wouldn't have let her take my meat! I would have wraped up her cooked meat and said take it back home for tomorrow. It was just a big misunderstanding and not worth fighting about.

Oh I agree! I just don’t think we can blame DH 😅

She ate her cooked meat.

Next time, tell them to put their 'not to be eaten' meat in the freezer and then beat them with a frozen leg of lamb as they leave. Hopefully by the time the police arrive it will have defrosted so no one will think it's the murder weapon.

Smaller convenience stores are allowed to open in the UK on Easter Sunday, and many of those sell meat (but nothing special). So could have been in the UK, but getting so possessive over supermarket meat is even weirder!

Stop on inviting them to celebrations. They expect you to foot the bill for them.

The only thing I can think of is if it was a long drive to yours, and near where you live there is a special shop (e.g. special Greek butchers or something) that they bought food from.

In that case she should have tied it up in a carrier bag, saying 'we are taking this home.'

If they live within an hour of that shop, there was no need to take the meat to your house. Even if all shops were closed, she could be like a normal human being and do her food shopping before a public holiday. Not on the day, on your way to a party.

I've never heard of a party where someone eats only what they brought apart from allergies or vegan or something. That was super rude of her if that's what she told you to do.

She sounds absolutely insane.

This. SIL and her husband are so rude.

Hi all

Some answers

We are not in the UK

The meat was bought in a small convenient store selling basic pre-marinated sausages and grill ready meat. This is also why it did not cross my mind that it was for something else. It was cheap, nothing special. The meat we bought and shared with others was of better quality and marinated by me.

They ate both my meat and their meat. Of course at the end it was too much, so we had meat leftovers which she did not take.

Normally we host and other family members bring stuff as they prefer. E.g. for Sunday MIL brought a casserole and BIL a couple of bottles of wine.

They contributes by bringing a small loaf of bred. This we knew in advance because she told us she would bring bread.

She is DH's sister.

The reason why we keep meat in a separate tray is because it happened many years ago that SIL's DH brought high quality meat and specifically told us to keep it aside for him. Also SIL' s kids have sometimes a preferred sausage type etc and she was asking to keep them for her kids.

And yes, i know i was a wet lettuce.

Beyond weird! Going shopping before a bbq but not for the bbq and expecting host to store/ refrigerate said food. Sil sounds like a massive Nutjob and I’d tell her so if I were you.

Why did she bring it to your house if it was tomorrow? Does she cary her meat with her everywhere she goes how odd she should off left it at home in her own fridge

Wow, I'd not invite her again, she's happy to eat the food you provided for her and her family at the grill party and not contribute, then says you're rude.

You made a mistake wIthe the food, she intentionally took all your food

Well that's just daft isn't it. Bringing meat NOT TO BE EATEN to a barbecue, without making it explicitly clear to the hosts that that's what you're doing - what did they think was going to happen to it?

That's like going to a party and bringing wine that you want to drink tomorrow and being surprised when someone opens it.

She was absolutely out of line to take your meat but tbh you were mad to offer! If anything like this happens again I'd just say "oh what a shame" and not offer to make amends, you didn't do anything wrong.

It would have been better to say "we assumed you'd brought meat because it's a barbecue and that's what most guests do". i.e. you are a bloody skinflint

They are financially well off, happy to eat your meat and bring a, excuse the pun, crummy, loaf of bread. What a rude tight arse. I would have said it's not even my mistake, it's miscommunication and a misunderstanding as you were not clear about what the meat was for, it was an easy mistake to make that I thought you brought meat to contribute. I've said sorry, you're still going on about it, so please never bring anything to my house again which you don't wish to consume on the day as I will not be made to feel bad over something like this EVER again!!! You're level of outrage is completely over the top!!! It's a small bit of meat!!! Oh, and don't be so BLOODY RUDE to me in my own home, you bloody witch!!!!

God, I feel so lucky to have a MIL, SIL's and BIL's that I couldn't fall out with if I tried!! Admittedly, I'm not close to any of them, but surely preferable to this!

I like your wine analogy. Spot on!

She sounds awful. I don’t think she knows what rude means.

She was awful, you weren’t rude at all.

If I were you I would stop inviting brother and SIL, it's just too much hassle. If she were good mannered, she'd have said "Never mind, we ate it, we've also eaten the other lovely food you provided, so let's forget about it".

So... she ate the meat that they brought and that you carefully kept separate. Then complained and stole (yes, stole) all of your meat?

Why did her DH not explain that is was not to be cooked? Why do they have separate meat?

You're all bonkers.

You missed one point Op

“I can’t stand my SIL. Never have and never will. And she feels the same. And there’s a long history of tension between us”

This.

Never ask them back. Or if you do, under no circumstances allow them to put anything in your fridge, and if they pull the"this is my special meat because I am a special snowflake" stuff again, just cook it and hand it round to everyone. Don't faff with giving them their own precious portions.

Flabbergasted at the rudeness of her

You did nothing wrong

She was rude.

But, what's a grill party? Literally never heard that phrase before