SIL said i was rude, i think she was rude. Strange fight about grill party

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Help me understand if i was rude or SIL was out of line.

Some background info:
We host Easter party since many years (same as Christmas and other parties) and we are happy to do so
SIL's family is way wealthier than us
SIL and her DH are absolutely not generous

On Easter day, i was in the kitchen prepping food and SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.
It happened already in the past that SIL brought some meat specific for them at our grill parties so i did not think so much about it.
When we started to grill I told my DH which one was SIL's meat and I made sure their meat finished on their tray.

At the end of the party, she opened the fridge and saw that their meat was not there anymore and she asked where it was. I explained her that i thought it was the meat they wanted to eat at the party and she was very pissed off.
She said that it was their meat, that they wanted to eat the day after, it was not to be shared, and i had to right to use it without asking.
I apologized, it was clearly a misunderstanding, and she went on saying that i threw off her plans etc.
I did not know what to say, so i apologized again and told her she could take something out of our fridge to cover for tomorrow.

She then took all the meat she found (which was supposed to cover our family of 4 for the week) and said again that she found very rude that i used their meat instead of the one i had in the fridge. (Which i actually DID use. I just did not use the food i bought for the normal week)

I was then distracted by my toddler trying to climb on the table and by the time i was back she had left with her family.

So, she thinks i was very rude, and i think she was super rude.

What do you think?

Her behaviour is outrageous.

Any normal person would
a. bring food to share with everyone
b. if their 'special food' had been used, brush it off as a misunderstanding. Unless it was a whole leg of organic lamb or something. Even then a fuss is unwarranted.
c. not be so rude and ungrateful to host

Basically, they did get to eat their meat, and then went off with yours AND did not consider your meat having settled the matter but is carping on. Bloody hell - she would not be invited for my hospitality again.

If anyone, it's the DH who should have made it clear to OP when he put the meat in the fridge that it was not to be eaten.

Absolutely.

So why not just say that to SIL?

Ridiculous!

How do we know that he knew? He probably made the same assumption as OP.

SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.

Hmm perhaps that does suggest that it wasn't to eat at the time?

Idk Op-what do they usually say when they bring stuff to be used?

Either way it was a misunderstanding & athough annoying for SIL just too bad-she got to eat the meat she bought!

You need to defend your corner on this one, otherwise forever more the narrative will be that you "stole" their meat.

So she ate her own meat, and then stole yours?

Never ever cook for her again.

Sometimes I have melancholy thoughts about being estranged from some of my family and think about Easter get together and how they’d look. Then I read threads like his and thank my lucky stars I cut those people out my life 🤣

• the reason why they had the meat with them, was that they stopped at a shop opened on easter day on the way to the party.

Do you have a lot of meat shops open on Easter Sunday? What did they actually bring as their meat contribution? This is bizarrely fascinating.

She was awful. Don't invite her again.

She is rude and ungrateful. She'd never be coming over again if it was me.

The whole thing is weird. Did they bring anything to the party- flowers, wine etc?

TBH- If someone has bought along meat, I'd have taken it out the fridge but asked how they wanted it cooked? I wouldnt just take it out and cook it up without any further interaction/conversation.

What is a grill party? Is it a BBQ? Are you in the UK?

Your SIL was very rude - I am guessing they got the meat on sale and were just using your fridge to store it. They didn't contribute to the purchase of food - nor the hosting - and had the audacity to have a go at you.

I would send your BIL a message and ask if everything's ok, as given the carry on SIL did over the meat, and you are wondering if they are struggling financially?

This way - BIL is aware of SIL's behaviour, and perhaps they might feel embarrassed that you think she behaved this way due to finances. ;)

Then the whole thing's bonkers!
SIL should have shared her special meat wisdom with the rest of the party. If she chose to keep this secret close to her chest then she can't bleat on if it's used.

How were you supposed to know that? Most people bring food to BBQs and I'd have told her that.
Wouldn't be invited again.

Is SIL DH's sister?

He needs to tell her to behave.

I have a funny feeling that you are going to keep inviting them to get togethers and to allowing them to mistreat you.

She’s batshit. Who on earth brings meat to a bbq not for sharing or at least make it very clear it’s for the following day.

I can't believe you've cooked meat they've brought specially for them and just served it to them at parties before 😂. What do you do if a chunk accidentally lands on someone else's plate? Spear it quickly and say "Sorry, Auntie Doris, this is SIL's sausage"? The only way I could really understand this is if they had specific dietary requirements, otherwise it's just rude to demand this of your host.

As for this occasion, she is rude, crazy and tight but YABU to describe this as a 'fight' as you rolled over and conceded defeat with barely a whimper.

She’s very very weird and rude. YANU

Way beyond rude of SIL.

absolutely no way would I host her ever again.

Is this in the UK, OP? Most shops were shut on Easter Sunday here. Maybe barbecue etiquette is quite different elsewhere.

Don't have her inside your door ever again. Most normal people would get a laugh over something like this. She sounds awful.

Guessing can't be UK as well by use of "grill party".

What meat did she bring? If it was, eg, rashers of bacon or a whole chicken I kind of understand though she’s still BU but if ribs/burgers/sausages etc I would strongly suspect she did this deliberately to create this situation for some weird pass-agg reason. Which would be weird but she sounds very weird anyway