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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL said i was rude, i think she was rude. Strange fight about grill party

172 replies

Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 09:35

Help me understand if i was rude or SIL was out of line.

Some background info:
We host Easter party since many years (same as Christmas and other parties) and we are happy to do so
SIL's family is way wealthier than us
SIL and her DH are absolutely not generous

On Easter day, i was in the kitchen prepping food and SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.
It happened already in the past that SIL brought some meat specific for them at our grill parties so i did not think so much about it.
When we started to grill I told my DH which one was SIL's meat and I made sure their meat finished on their tray.

At the end of the party, she opened the fridge and saw that their meat was not there anymore and she asked where it was. I explained her that i thought it was the meat they wanted to eat at the party and she was very pissed off.
She said that it was their meat, that they wanted to eat the day after, it was not to be shared, and i had to right to use it without asking.
I apologized, it was clearly a misunderstanding, and she went on saying that i threw off her plans etc.
I did not know what to say, so i apologized again and told her she could take something out of our fridge to cover for tomorrow.

She then took all the meat she found (which was supposed to cover our family of 4 for the week) and said again that she found very rude that i used their meat instead of the one i had in the fridge. (Which i actually DID use. I just did not use the food i bought for the normal week)

I was then distracted by my toddler trying to climb on the table and by the time i was back she had left with her family.

So, she thinks i was very rude, and i think she was super rude.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Littlepiglet123 · 11/04/2023 09:40

You are not rude at all. She has been very ungrateful. It was a simple misunderstanding that she has taken as intentional and reacted quite (very) inappropriately by taking your family's weekly food shop that you, graciously (but too readily) offered!

Honestly, if you think you have done anything wrong maybe a little inner work around boundaries and co-dependency might be in order x

Samcro · 11/04/2023 09:40

why did you let her take your food?

BevMarsh · 11/04/2023 09:40

She was the rude one.
No way I'd of been allowing her to take home my meat for the week ahead.

Never invite them again.

dietcokelime · 11/04/2023 09:41

She was very rude - it was a misunderstanding (why on earth did they bring meat round that wasn't for the party - that's really weird!) and very cheeky to then clear out your fridge, that's petty and deliberately done to upset you.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 11/04/2023 09:42

She was rude and you shouldn’t have let her take all your meat.

LakieLady · 11/04/2023 09:44

Your SIL was very rude and unreasonable.

gamerchick · 11/04/2023 09:45

You let her take all the meat in the fridge? Tbf at a gathering like that I would have thought she had brought it to cook as well. Did she provide anything apart from the accidental meat?

I'd have the row and she wouldn't be invited back.

Picassa · 11/04/2023 09:45

Why did she bring surplus meat to a bbq that was not meant to be eaten that day. You were not rude she sounds like a weirdo and I wouldn’t be inviting them to the next Easter party!

AmandaHoldensLips · 11/04/2023 09:45

What a cow.

Original poster
Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 09:45

To answer a couple of questions

  • the amount of meat she took was the same of what she brought. We do not eat a lot of meat so it is not that she shopped in our fridge. But it anyway upset me
  • the reason why they had the meat with them, was that they stopped at a shop opened on easter day on the way to the party.
OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 11/04/2023 09:45

She was insanely rude at every stage. Who takes their own meat to a family bbq that is just for them not sharing? Even weirder to bring meat that wasn’t to be eaten at all. And bonkers that you let her take anything out of your fridge, let alone a week’s worth of meat.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2023 09:46

I don't think, I KNOW, I would never have them in my home again. What a nasty woman.

FlickyCrumble · 11/04/2023 09:46

Why did you offer and then let her take all your meat? You need an assertiveness class. Where was your husband? I’d be right at their front door demanding my food shop back.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 11/04/2023 09:47

Well, tbf, she didn't specify the meat wasn't for the party, and you cooked it, so you kind of both contributed to the initial misunderstanding.
You then told her she could take some of your meat to compensate. Which she did. She was possibly a cheeky fucker by taking all your meat, but if you just said "take what you want/need of what's in the fridge" then you can't then complain that she did.

She sounds unpleasant but the initial misunderstanding was on both of you.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 11/04/2023 09:48

DorotheaHomeAlone · 11/04/2023 09:45

She was insanely rude at every stage. Who takes their own meat to a family bbq that is just for them not sharing? Even weirder to bring meat that wasn’t to be eaten at all. And bonkers that you let her take anything out of your fridge, let alone a week’s worth of meat.

I read that to mean they'd just been shopping so wanted to store their shopping.

brujarosada · 11/04/2023 09:49

She sounds mental.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 11/04/2023 09:51

You weren't rude but you were a wet lettuce. Don't tell someone with no social graces to take your meat then get upset when they take it.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 11/04/2023 09:54

She was rude. It was clearly a misunderstanding.

I would let it go this time, but if she is like this all the time I would probably not invite her anymore.

MrsKHunt · 11/04/2023 09:54

She was rude,in every way
she should have said that it's for their supper later, you're not a mind reader
Whoever takes meat to a party just for them though?
I'd have wrestled her to the ground before she took food away from my family

euff · 11/04/2023 09:56

So you host all big events every year including prepping, shopping, cooking and they contribute no work, food or funds?

She thinks she contributed all the food to your bbq this year?

Sil is incredibly rude and tight. Sounds like you were too busy and stressed to deal with it at the time but resentment will simmer.

SalmonEile · 11/04/2023 09:57

She could’ve taken the cooked meat home
and reheated it today?
what did she and her husband eat at the bbq?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 11/04/2023 09:58

She's rude. And she wouldn't be getting an invite to any bbqs I held again.

StagsLeap · 11/04/2023 09:59

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 11/04/2023 09:51

You weren't rude but you were a wet lettuce. Don't tell someone with no social graces to take your meat then get upset when they take it.

This. Plus I’m also a bit puzzled as to why the OP made sure the meat she barbecued for the other family was ‘put on their tray’ — it sounds deeply weird to me to bring food to a party on the assumption you’re the only one who gets to eat it, assuming no allergies etc.

TheNoodlesIncident · 11/04/2023 10:00

So they didn't bring a contribution to the barbecue? I would have thought that if a relative turned up to a barbecue with raw meat that they were intending it to be so. For barbecues we always ask what we can bring, some meat or desserts...

I think when SIL's DH put their raw meat in your fridge he should have said to you, who was doing the cooking, that it was not intended to be for the barbecue. It was his responsibility to make that clear to you.

Why didn't she just take the now cooked meat, instead of taking your shopping for the remainder of the week? I wouldn't have told her she could do that, as her meat was still available, albeit cooked.

It's a misunderstanding all round, but in our family we would laugh over it, as it's not a huge calamity really.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 11/04/2023 10:01

Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 09:45

To answer a couple of questions

  • the amount of meat she took was the same of what she brought. We do not eat a lot of meat so it is not that she shopped in our fridge. But it anyway upset me
  • the reason why they had the meat with them, was that they stopped at a shop opened on easter day on the way to the party.

If it upset you then why did you tell her to do it? Confused

YABU in that case.