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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL said i was rude, i think she was rude. Strange fight about grill party

172 replies

Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 09:35

Help me understand if i was rude or SIL was out of line.

Some background info:
We host Easter party since many years (same as Christmas and other parties) and we are happy to do so
SIL's family is way wealthier than us
SIL and her DH are absolutely not generous

On Easter day, i was in the kitchen prepping food and SIL's DH asked if he could store their meat in our fridge.
It happened already in the past that SIL brought some meat specific for them at our grill parties so i did not think so much about it.
When we started to grill I told my DH which one was SIL's meat and I made sure their meat finished on their tray.

At the end of the party, she opened the fridge and saw that their meat was not there anymore and she asked where it was. I explained her that i thought it was the meat they wanted to eat at the party and she was very pissed off.
She said that it was their meat, that they wanted to eat the day after, it was not to be shared, and i had to right to use it without asking.
I apologized, it was clearly a misunderstanding, and she went on saying that i threw off her plans etc.
I did not know what to say, so i apologized again and told her she could take something out of our fridge to cover for tomorrow.

She then took all the meat she found (which was supposed to cover our family of 4 for the week) and said again that she found very rude that i used their meat instead of the one i had in the fridge. (Which i actually DID use. I just did not use the food i bought for the normal week)

I was then distracted by my toddler trying to climb on the table and by the time i was back she had left with her family.

So, she thinks i was very rude, and i think she was super rude.

What do you think?

OP posts:
60smusic · 11/04/2023 13:30

Ktime · 11/04/2023 13:25

If you bring meat to a BBQ, the onus is on YOU to communicate that the meat is not for consumption, not the host.

This is basic shit.

Show quote history

That's what I said in my post 🙄

Ktime · 11/04/2023 13:38

@60smusic you said both sides had bad comms

Ktime · 11/04/2023 13:39

Hankunamatata · 11/04/2023 13:30

But neither were rude really, just misunderstanding.
They brought shopping for following week (weird but hey ho), it got cooked by accident. They then replaced the same quantity with some of your meat.

So they’ve deprived OP meat that was meant for family. And her meat was better quality. So SIL was rude.

BadNomad · 11/04/2023 13:45

CustardySergeant · 11/04/2023 13:11

Well he did ask the OP if the meat could be stored in her fridge. I think with that wording the OP could have checked before assuming it was to be eaten that day.

Show quote history

They'd done that before though with meat that was intended to be cooked and eaten at the party. He should have said it was different this time.

ExtraOnions · 11/04/2023 13:53

…regardless, I wouldn’t be inviting them back

LadyEloise1 · 11/04/2023 13:56

Bivarb · 11/04/2023 13:20

Don't invite her again to any family events you host. It's not like shes going to host her own rival events or anything. She's as tight fisted and stingy as they come. As for "contributing" a loaf of bread, that's a joke. Unless she was struggling for money, I wouldn't have let that lie. Did she even bring anything for you, the host? A gifted bottle of wine or chocolates?

Send her this thread OP and really wind her up 😂

This 💯

But ultimately it's up to your husband. Does he want to continue the relationship ?
Does he see what a rude stingy b*tch his sister is ?

CremeEggQueen · 11/04/2023 13:57

Crap, sorry I pressed YABU by mistake!
YADNBU, she's the rude one, taking all your meat that she could find?!
Just no

allmyliesaretrue · 11/04/2023 13:58

Typeheretosearch · 11/04/2023 11:37

Hi all

Some answers

We are not in the UK

The meat was bought in a small convenient store selling basic pre-marinated sausages and grill ready meat. This is also why it did not cross my mind that it was for something else. It was cheap, nothing special. The meat we bought and shared with others was of better quality and marinated by me.

They ate both my meat and their meat. Of course at the end it was too much, so we had meat leftovers which she did not take.

Normally we host and other family members bring stuff as they prefer. E.g. for Sunday MIL brought a casserole and BIL a couple of bottles of wine.

They contributes by bringing a small loaf of bred. This we knew in advance because she told us she would bring bread.

She is DH's sister.

The reason why we keep meat in a separate tray is because it happened many years ago that SIL's DH brought high quality meat and specifically told us to keep it aside for him. Also SIL' s kids have sometimes a preferred sausage type etc and she was asking to keep them for her kids.

And yes, i know i was a wet lettuce.

Ok, let's get this straight. This utter bitch waltzed in, ate her own cheap meat, your specially-prepared meat, that you cooked, bringing only a small loaf of bread and sitting there on her entitled hole while it was brought to her - and she had the effrontery to have a go at you about her shitty sausages? This all on the back of years of you hosting with what appears to be practically zero contribution despite the fact she is well able to afford her share, at least? And her bloody husband was so selfish that he wouldn't share his "high quality" meat in the past? Sod that for a game of soldiers. This is beyond reasonable.

Take this as your 'out'. If you must see them (and I suppose as she's your DH's sister you don't have much of a choice) - things have to be more equitable going forward, eg you have to take turns at hosting, and everyone contributes equally.

What does your DH have to say about it all? Surely he should speak to his own sister about it?

As for "wet lettuce" - I defy any of the smart alecs posting here who wouldn't have been taken aback at least in this situation!

CustardySergeant · 11/04/2023 14:10

CremeEggQueen · 11/04/2023 13:57

Crap, sorry I pressed YABU by mistake!
YADNBU, she's the rude one, taking all your meat that she could find?!
Just no

You can just change your vote.

aloris · 11/04/2023 14:11

They are users. You do all the hosting and provide lovely food and they bring a small loaf of bread, then they insult you in your own home when you are generously hosting them, and act entitled to take all your meat for the week because her husband miscommunicated. This is family, hosting doesn't mean you are expected to bear all the cost. With family, everyone shares the costs. Otherwise they are using you for free food. Stop hosting these two users.

TheOrigRights · 11/04/2023 14:12

CustardySergeant · 11/04/2023 13:11

Well he did ask the OP if the meat could be stored in her fridge. I think with that wording the OP could have checked before assuming it was to be eaten that day.

Show quote history

What else do you do with a fridge apart from store food in it?

Nimrode · 11/04/2023 14:15

If @OP cooked SIL's own meat for her, then surely OP must have lots of meat left over in addition to the meat meant for the week? I'd imagine OP wasn't expecting SIL to bring her own meat for the barbecue so provided enough already for everyone.

Strawberrydelight78 · 11/04/2023 14:21

I would have assumed that was the meat they wanted cooking so they're contribution. Seems odd they wanted to put it in your fridge. If they had been shopping for the week ahead. They should have taken that food home before coming to yours. Looks like they weren't expecting the contribute anything themselves which is rude.

canina · 11/04/2023 14:27

I would also have assumed the meat she put in your fridge was their contribution to the Easter party. Really weird that she was just storing it in your fridge!

Agreeable · 11/04/2023 14:55

What the fck are they bringing meat to a 'grill party' and storing it in your fridge.

What did they think would happen.

I wouldn't have given them anything.

Chandalie · 11/04/2023 15:04

Wow.. Just wow.. They bought their own meat to a bbq and stuck it in your fridge then she had a meltdown when she realised it had been cooked by mistake.. Why did her family only decide to do meat shopping on the way to a bbq then? .. who does that?

And they only contributed bread..

Does she not realise how expensive meat is when compared to bread..

To make amends you said OK, take some meat from the fridge to make up for it and she goes and takes a whole weeks worth of your meat.

I think her actions show she's mean and disrespectful. Surely she must have known she was taking more than a days worth of meat.

Don't invite her over again for a very long time to drive home the point that her actions were over the top,rude and disrespectful.

You may feel that you handled it badly when you said OK, take some of our to make up for it but you could still tell her that you were shocked when you went to your fridge and realised she'd taken a weeks worth of meat.

Put her in her place!

StaunchMomma · 11/04/2023 15:10

Sorry, OP but you sound like quite the doormat!

Why didn't you tell her that you hadn't shared the meat and that they had eaten it? In fact, why didn't you tell her that coming to a party and contributing noting but bringing your own meat is fucking rude in itself!!

She sounds like an utter shit.

canina · 11/04/2023 15:59

I'd like to know how both of your partners felt about the situation. Even if it was a mistake to use her meat most folk would just gloss over it. She is a right one OP!

MagicClawHasNoChildren · 11/04/2023 16:14

The word 'meat' has lost all meaning to me thanks to this thread.

Obviously, SIL is a meat-thieving CF.

LostThePot · 11/04/2023 16:22

She sounds batshit

ohfook · 11/04/2023 16:38

It's just a misunderstanding. They hadn't communicated that the meat was for another day and they just wanted to put it in your fridge so it didn't go off in their car, so you assumed (as I would have too) that the meat was for the party.

The problem is that you had no need to make amends, so now that you have you resent it. You should really have just written it off at the time as a communication breakdown and left them to seethe about it.

ReadtheReviews · 11/04/2023 16:46

It was a mistake. You werent rude. She was wrong to take all the food you had, but you should have specified what she could take.
As a side note, it does seem like you all like a lot of meat. Maybe this is your week to try some other types of dinners? Varied diet and all that.

Delatron · 11/04/2023 21:46

ReadtheReviews · 11/04/2023 16:46

It was a mistake. You werent rude. She was wrong to take all the food you had, but you should have specified what she could take.
As a side note, it does seem like you all like a lot of meat. Maybe this is your week to try some other types of dinners? Varied diet and all that.

The OP has literally said she doesn’t eat much meat. Read her posts.

Sistanotcista · 12/04/2023 18:05

She was super rude! You are not rude, and not unreasonable either. Not only was she rude, she was ungenerous - a worse sun in my book!

LaDamaDeElche · 12/04/2023 18:54

What is your husband going to do about his sister's behaviour?