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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

244 replies

mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:17

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 10/04/2023 20:20

Do you have 3 outfits?
Sounds quite miserable to me, my children like having a choice of lots of things to wear.

AnneWhittle · 10/04/2023 20:20

what do the children think?

Wasywasydoodah · 10/04/2023 20:22

It’s fine. Not neglectful, so long as they have decent clean clothes to wear that are season-appropriate.

Nevermind31 · 10/04/2023 20:22

So this is 4 outfits other than school uniform? So 4 pairs of trousers, 4 t-shirts, 4 jumpers etc?

BonnieGlasses · 10/04/2023 20:22

I doubt you'll get away with them all willingly wearing smocks for much longer. So make the most of it while you can before you need to buy them more clothes!

Morningcoffeeview · 10/04/2023 20:23

I’d struggle to have so few outfits, wash once per week and keep the kids dressed and in clean clothes. But provided they’re clean i guess it’s fine.

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 10/04/2023 20:23

Are the clothes they own weather appropriate, fit well and clean? If the answer to those is yes, then it’s absolutely fine. Children don’t need half the amount of clothes most people seem to think they do. It’s completely wasteful and I much prefer your approach. Good for the environment and teaches them from a young age that their worth doesn’t come from their appearance or clothing

takealettermsjones · 10/04/2023 20:24

It isn't neglect as long as the clothes are washed, fit them properly, weather appropriate etc. But it could be a bit miserable for your kids depending on how much they're bothered about clothes.

Hankunamatata · 10/04/2023 20:24

Except school uniforms. Mine each have about 4 pairs trackies, 2 shorts, about 6 t-shirts and couple jumpers. I don't think they are hard done by. Though never usually get 2 days out of clothes.

Original poster
mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:24

@Oysterbabe admittedly I have more but haven’t bought clothes in years! I wear them until they wear through and wear the same thing almost every day (obviously dependant on weather)

@AnneWhittle they don’t seem too bothered. The eldest (9) I think might soon want to branch out a bit and get a few more clothes in styles of her choosing, which I’m fine with. I’m willing to change what/how many I buy the moment they voice they’d like that, but so far they just haven’t seemed concerned.

OP posts:
Marmighty · 10/04/2023 20:24

As long as that covers all weathers and activities comfortably, and gives them some agency about what they wear, I think that sounds great. My under 10s have piles of clothes but actually only need and want to wear a fraction of them. I'd love to do what you've done, but have a shopaholic bargain-hunting mother... You've inspired me to have a clear out.

BendingSpoons · 10/04/2023 20:25

I don't think it is neglectful. My children have more clothes but only really wear 3-4 outfits most of the time, as that is their favourite. It bothers me that other clothes are wasted (bought as presents). However I would think you could buy more second hand if they wanted variety. DD likes to wear dresses some days, trousers others etc.

JeanieJo · 10/04/2023 20:25

I think it's a great idea to cut down on clothes, and to wear things twice, but that does seem very little in the context of today's social norms. Something like 6 or 7 outfits would be more reasonable I think.

Quveas · 10/04/2023 20:25

People may operate differently, but intrinsically I see nothing neglectful in this. Children might love having 40 different outfits and wearing 3 a day. But in my mind that is just feeding capitalism. Want and need are not the same thing. Your system is certainly better for the planet and more sustainable.

Coffeellama · 10/04/2023 20:25

Is this 3-4 outfits per season that they only wear on weekends and school holidays due to wearing school uniform in the week? Why can’t they have more clothes but just second hand ones? Are you going to force them into this when they are older and their clothes are far more important to them?

BertieBotts · 10/04/2023 20:26

I think it's OK but you'll have to be really disciplined with washing, especially if they are of an age to eat messily, get into mud etc. I tend to end up with about 10 of everything and they still run out sometimes. (I admit, I am not world's best housekeeper.) I wouldn't want to make them take pinnies on and off as well I think that would be annoying, and I don't want them to curtail their play based on not getting clothes dirty.

You could always start out with that amount and see how you go? You can always buy second hand if the cost or green argument is the problem. I get loads second hand as they grow so quickly.

Teddyhasgonetobed · 10/04/2023 20:26

My kids have lots of outfits but one in particular would wear a rotation of 3 t shirts all 365 days of the year if they could. The day they are in the wash or still damp is normally the day of melt downs.

I would love to do less outfits for the whole family as I do feel we wear 20% of the choices probably 80% of the time. But i try to source the bulk of items via hand me downs or the charity shop.

BCBird · 10/04/2023 20:26

Why does she think the children are miserable? It's a not many things but how many do we really need?

Hankunamatata · 10/04/2023 20:26

Tbh my teen dc tends to have much fewer clothes as he likes a brand name so he buys few selected items in sales.

Original poster
mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:26

@DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 I agree! Everything is clean, always.

I wouldn’t let them go out dirty and everything fits them well, to everyone who’s asking. I just don’t feel we need quite so many clothes as we’ve been told.

OP posts:
HappyMe6 · 10/04/2023 20:26

i agree with your friend, my children had more than that when they grew out of them they were passed on to friends children! Do you have many clothes yourself op, or are you just doing this with your children

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 10/04/2023 20:27

Mine (5) can't wear anything twice apart from jeans because they get covered in soil/sand/grass stains from being outside. I'd have to do a wash every 2 or 3 days. I prefer to save the money in energy/Smol tabs/water.

BertieBotts · 10/04/2023 20:27

(We don't have school uniform so the 10x everything is for every day).

Notegoat · 10/04/2023 20:27

It sounds a bit Little House on the Prairie. I think that it’s the smocks.

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 20:27

3 outfits to last an entire season just doesn’t sound enough for me. Do you never travel? Never do something after work or school and skip a laundry load?
I can’t imagine how that’s even appropriate for the activity, do they just wear the same thing to play in a muddy park as they would to a birthday party or a restaurant for a nice lunch?