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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

244 replies

mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:17

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

OP posts:
Meandfour · 10/04/2023 20:44

mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:30

@Notegoat Agreed that that’s old fashioned but very convenient! They are for in the house/garden though, not being out and about.

@Albiboba We travel within the U.K, so no weather variation really. We don’t really eat out, but they all have a nicer party outfit.

So only 1 party outfit per season? Is the 9yo happy wearing the same thing for every event / friends birthday parties? I think this is very restrictive.

midgemadgemodge · 10/04/2023 20:45

Restrictive ?

Good grief - you do know a lot of children care about the environment and would rather not have endless barely worn clothes ?

weinerdog · 10/04/2023 20:45

I don't understand why you don't buy secondhand from a shop or online, or from other parents you know? It's not neglectful but I do sort of agree that it's a bit miserable.

I don't like buying loads of new so I try to buy secondhand. Granted, it's area dependent.

Royalbloo · 10/04/2023 20:46

Of course not, as long as they are loved and clean x

BungleandGeorge · 10/04/2023 20:47

What happens when they get wet/muddy? Or are they not allowed to splash in puddles and play in the park? Or damage their clothes. If they’ve only got one cardi and one jumper how do they only get washed once a week?

UndertheCedartree · 10/04/2023 20:47

In all honesty I think my 11yo DD has too many clothes, but she has started to get into fashion so fair enough! My 16yo DS wears pretty much the same thing everyday. He wears a complete clean outfit every day and washes his clothes once a week.

I think they need more summer clothes as they wear them everyday in the summer holidays.

Ultimately, if the DC are happy with the amount of outfits, if they have clean clothes when needed that fit well and are appropriate for the weather then it's fine.

RachelSq · 10/04/2023 20:48

Number of outfits I’ve got no issue with, if you can have them washed in time and they’re not worn dirty!

A smock, however…. seems a bit of a weird thing these days to me! Is this only for particularly messy activities?

Meandfour · 10/04/2023 20:49

midgemadgemodge · 10/04/2023 20:45

Restrictive ?

Good grief - you do know a lot of children care about the environment and would rather not have endless barely worn clothes ?

There’s a big difference between endless barely worn clothes and 1 outfit to wear every time they see their friends and you know it.

Sewing smocks and pinnies for your children to play in so they don’t get 1 of their 3 outfits dirty is shit.

YunaBalloon · 10/04/2023 20:49

As long as the clothes are clean, functional and in good condition I don't see the issue.

We do similar, but keep older, more worn clothes for when playing out or at forest school.

I too don't really buy new clothes and neither does DH, only replacing when worn or very tatty and then used for cleaning cloths. I buy a function dress as required and use it for every formal event.

We are quite lentil-weavery in lots of ways though! (Seasonal produce/ ignore use by dates/ barefoot shoes/ reduced washing of clothes and kids and me compared to the twice daily mumsnetter!).

I will say DD tends to have more clothes as she receives a significant amount of hand me downs, which is something DS doesn't get.

I'm prepared to rethink the strategy once the eldest is more fashion conscious.

FlowersareEverything · 10/04/2023 20:49

Smocks, overdresses and pinnies? Good grief, that sounds like something from a novel set in the Victorian times.

All a bit strange.

Phoebo · 10/04/2023 20:50

I think it makes sense, people are unnecessarily wasteful now. I'm the same with my LO

AchillesElbow · 10/04/2023 20:50

I buy my dc about 3-4 new outfits each season that they can choose from H&M or similar, but then I bulk their wardrobe out with some 2nd hand buys from Vinted. I agree it can be easy to overbuy for children.

JMSA · 10/04/2023 20:50

But one question: just why??

slowquickstep · 10/04/2023 20:51

I think it sounds fine, why buy clothes for them to hang in the wardrobe ? In the winter my children came home from school and got changed into p.js, they had a couple of outfits for the weekend. In the summer they would have a few pair of shorts and half a dozen tshirts, a cardigan or jumper and one good going out outfit. They didn't need anything and they were always clean.

Ylvamoon · 10/04/2023 20:52

I agree, less is more! There is to much stuff in our wardrobes. Little kids don't need much and as long as the clothes are comfortable and clean there is nothing wrong with having just 3 outfits.

YunaBalloon · 10/04/2023 20:52

RachelSq · 10/04/2023 20:48

Number of outfits I’ve got no issue with, if you can have them washed in time and they’re not worn dirty!

A smock, however…. seems a bit of a weird thing these days to me! Is this only for particularly messy activities?

They're becoming quite the fashion again for certain groups - Japanese aprons sell for loads!

JudgeRudy · 10/04/2023 20:52

I think it's a smart and socially responsible choice. I would not judge a child who wore the same few outfits time and time again. Now if that one outfit was dirty, holey, or too small l might take note.
Of course some people would notice and judge. They would also notice that horror of horrors, you had a bit of hair stubble on your legs or wore PJs twice in a row.
There's a middle ground OP and you've hit the sweet spot.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 10/04/2023 20:52

It’s not neglectful, but I think it’s selfish on your part because it’s a stance you’ve made, and I don’t think it’s fair on them at all.

MuffinToSeeHere · 10/04/2023 20:52

Surely buying secondhand would make more sense than a hard limit of 3 outfits? It's also much more environmentally friendly than getting new at the end of every season.

It's not neglectful but it sounds completely joyless and prescriptive.

anon90210 · 10/04/2023 20:53

I think they need more clothes.

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 20:54

Also what the difference between having ‘3 outfits’ but then smocks, overdresses and pinnies and just an extra few outfits to suit all activities?
It sounds like it’s just a way to give the facade of being more wholesome and sustainable than you actually are.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 10/04/2023 20:54

@mosepray is this in addition to school uniform?

BluebellBlueballs · 10/04/2023 20:54

I think we all have far too many clothes these days. If kids are wearing school uniform most days, this is fine
Maybe buy and sell bundles on ebay if you want more.

YunaBalloon · 10/04/2023 20:56

JMSA · 10/04/2023 20:50

But one question: just why??

The environment.

But there's loads of reasons! Cost, humanitarian reasons, waste management, disagreement with increasing capitalism.

Personally most of my kids clothes come from small sellers, work at home mum types - they're expensive but I know their provenance and that of the fabric. I could buy 20 times the amount for the same cost if I shopped in Asda or Primark or similar, but I won't support fast fashion or modern slavery.

verdantverdure · 10/04/2023 20:56

I can't remember the last time I noticed what a child was wearing so as long as it's clean and appropriate I think it's fine.

Mine probably have four outfits plus school uniform, after school scruffies, and "best". And a metric fucktonne of sports kit.