to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

[mosepray]

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

Do they not do any hobbies? Brownies uniform, football/ hockey/ rugby/ netball kit? For any kids that play sports by 9/10 year old that's no where near enough. Creating smocks is actually less eco friendly than either buying second hand or buying well for the first child and passing down. I genuinely don't understand why you couldn't just have second hand/ old/ stained stuff as clothes in the situations where you would use the smocks.

I agree with thinking about how many clothes children need but 3 sets isn't enough. What if they have a water fight/ fall in a river/ a puddle/ chuck spag bol down themselves/ spill paint/ have a nose bleed. That is then instantly 2 sets a day.

Very true, it’s something I’ve noticed too damp/clean hair from the shower but still smell, likely from the clothes.

Christ, my DC only have 2-3 casual outfits each and I’ve never even considered they might be neglected. They are boys though, and PP suggested that might make a difference?

They just aren’t v interested in clothes and it hasn’t affected their friendships. Parties are generally activity ones so yes, same trackie bottoms t-shirts and hoody get worn for all. And I’ll buy smart if necessary but other than grannie’s funeral, I can’t actually think of when I’ve needed to.

Is this really such an unusual approach??

Of course it is unusual. Do you only have three outfits? I bet none of the parents on here boasting (in that competitive under-eating sense) that their children only require three outfits, only have that themselves. My parents not properly clothing me, is one of the many reasons I resented them later in life.

Well, I need work clothes, but do indeed only have 2pairs of jeans. More casual tops than the boys, admittedly, but I go to a wider range of activities and have built up my clothes over many years. I buy fewer than 3 outfits per year…

We just don’t enjoy clothes shopping and are fine with wearing the same thing repeatedly.

And yes, we are always clean!

Although I don't personally think it's neglectful I do think if SS had concerns about a family they would probably add this to the list. Not necessarily a concern on its own but part of a picture, building a case. I just say this in case anyone with a child on a CIN or CP plan is reading and thinking oh it's fine. As part of an eco friendly lifestyle with no other concerns I doubt anyone would worry.
My adopted son's court documents listed things that were obviously unsafe for him alongside things that were more of a grey area and wouldn't have caused him to be removed on their own.

I know a mum like you and even my DD noticed her DD always wears the same clothes. Kids gossip about her child always wearing the same clothes.

What about when you go out for dinner or when you go out for the evening on holiday?

We go out to eat quite frequently and my kids just wear shorts and t shirt or joggers and t shirt and jumper, depending on the weather. The only time they've had need for smart clothes was once at a wedding where they were bridesmaid and page boy so had quite specific outfits.

"Evenings on holiday" would be shorts and t shirt, though we only really holiday in the UK it's mainly they're often better wrapped up than that!

So the same 2/3 outfits on a week long or fortnight holiday on rotation?
Fair enough shorts and tshirt for a normal meal out but don’t you go to nice restaurants where they dress a bit smarter? Or to parties, concerts, theatre etc?

You don’t dress up for the theatre, though. You go in normal clothes.

What would you consider smarter clothes? For boys particularly?

But no. They wear their normal clothes for the things you mentioned, we pretty much only go to "nice restaurants" (I reserve meals out for things I'll actually enjoy unless it can't be helped). For parties they more often wear the less smart "play wear" as parties tend to be activities where they get messy.

I definitely wouldn't say its neglectful but my 10 year old daughter probably would say it was 😂

If you are in a position to buy more I would it doesn't have to be brand new.

I didn’t say dress up. I said dress smarter than a pair of jogging bottoms or shorts and a tshirt.

My boys wear jeans / chino shorts & polos if we’re going for a nice dinner or going out for the evening.
On holiday they have smarter shorts & tops for the evenings than the basic tees and jersey shorts they wear during the day.

When you said they only had 2/3 outfits, and there are 7 days in a week, I took from it that they must get worn quite frequently and would be more likely to be jogger / jersey style shorts and plain tees.
The same 2/3 outfits to wear throughout the 7 weeks school holidays to play out in, go to parties in, wear on holiday and wear for dinner seems abit much to me.

I can’t imagine taking my children into the city/to theatre/nice meal in their playing out clothes. I agree we don’t dress up but we do like to look smarter than we would for playing on the local park.

I don’t know how you keep up with the washing. What about spillages, accidents and other mishaps? I have 2 grandchildren under 5 and their parents buy a lot of their clothes from Vinted and other ‘pre-loved’ sites. Amazing bargains and beautiful clothes. Buy second hand. 😊

Thank you, this is what I meant.

Meandfour
We're the same.
Maybe my DC are wild but lots of their play clothes are very definitely play clothes. I'd not taken them out somewhere nice in them.

Our nice place clothes are the same clothes as the play clothes, but not stained. If they get marked they become day to day clothes and we'll replace the nice sets.

I'd say they probably need slightly more, particularly because if they're invited to a residential trip, or away with a friend, they would literally have to take all their clothes, and if they got muddy or wet on say, a residential weekend away, they may get through all of those clothes.
Picking up a couple of extra pairs of cheap leggings/ shorts, and tshirts/ jumpers would probably be fine though, I wouldn't say they need loads and loads of clothes.
There's also the 'wear old clothes you don't mind getting muddy' for some activities issue, in that if your kids only have 3/4 outfits, then which are the ones to get dirty in?
The main question though is, are the kids happy with the situation? If they are, then that's probably fine, and you can deal with any of the above situations when they actually arise.

Ive seen my 7 year old go through 4 outfits in a day! Seem extreme to me.

My three year old has lots of clothes, most have been worn once or less because she only wants to wear the same 4 favourite outfits in a cycle (which is enough options for me to wash and dry between use). To be fair, I'm similar, I wear my favourite outfits until they're threadbare and I don't pay much (any) attention to trends or fashion.

My eldest won't wear Chino/ cord/ denim so we're only left with sweatshirting and jersey material.

We have "play wear" and newer stuff - so playwear is usually a bit grubby - faded knees and bums, the odd stain, wash fad, piling, misshapen neck hole and occasional small darns but nothing big or obvious. They'll wear them on play dates, at the park, in the garden, at home,

My son didn’t wear Chino/cord denim either until I tried the newer loose styles. Now he loves them.

Clothes used to be far more expensive relative to wages, my family was quite wealthy when I was a child, but we had very few clothes apart from our school uniforms as my parents were from poor backgrounds and never wasted money. I had 4 siblings and my mum and older sister often made our clothes at home. When I had my own children it was a time of high inflation, mortgages were at 17%, food prices were rising rapidly, and I remember a tattered mother care catalogue that I almost wore out looking at stuff I couldn't afford for my first born, I had 3 pairs of dungarees for him when he was crawling, but never thought of him as neglected! Now my grand children have new clothes constantly, but my 15 year old grand daughter loves charity shop shopping, and finds wonderful bargains. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!