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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

244 replies

mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:17

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

OP posts:
Moonlaserbearwolf · 10/04/2023 20:28

What do you do at the end of the season?

HappyValet · 10/04/2023 20:29

How do they keep them clean? My children seem to smother themselves in food, pens, mud, just general dirt, and the youngest (in nappies) is constantly dribbling, snotting, pooping all over things... We can't get more than a day out of clothes.

I love clothes to be honest and get a lot of pleasure from buying my children clothes. The older ones are quite interested in clothes and like to pick what to wear. We have loads.

We do buy/acquire probably at least 75% second hand (lots of hand me downs from family and friends) and pass on/sell/donate lots.

Original poster
mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:30

@Notegoat Agreed that that’s old fashioned but very convenient! They are for in the house/garden though, not being out and about.

@Albiboba We travel within the U.K, so no weather variation really. We don’t really eat out, but they all have a nicer party outfit.

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 10/04/2023 20:30

It’s only a risk factor when coupled with lots of other risk factors - ie too thin, always hungry, bare rooms etc.

midgemadgemodge · 10/04/2023 20:30

I survived on school uniform and one weekend outfit and one smart one for quite a few years

How is it neglectful ? The basic needs of food , shelter, warmth, clothing, and love are met?

Children grow that quickly that by the time the seasons change they need new clothes anyway

LysHastighed · 10/04/2023 20:31

We have tonnes of things as we get given lots of handmedowns, but out of all those things there are three outfits they really like and actually want to wear. So I would think a capsule wardrobe would work if the child has input into which clothes are bought.
A child with clean clothes to wear without holes isn’t neglected. A child could have piles of outfits and not be taken proper care of.

ImAvingOops · 10/04/2023 20:31

I don't think it's neglectful, but it does sound joyless. There's a middle ground between having too much and having only the bare essentials!
I can't see you getting away with this for much longer - kids get into fashion, they like developing their own style. What about 'occasion' clothes, like party dresses?

I do agree that lots of kids have way more than they could ever wear and when they are small and need new clothes every couple of months, it makes sense to not have tons of outfits that will be outgrown before they get used sufficiently. But I think you need about 7 or 8 outfits rather than 3 or 4 tbh.

LittleRedRidingBoots · 10/04/2023 20:32

I wouldn't say having so few clothes is neglectful as long as they're clean and presentable, but I think it depends on how your children feel about it as to whether it's 'OK' or not. One of my daughters lives in 2-3 outfits out of the many she owns, but my other daughter loves to put outfits together and express herself through what she wears. Admittedly she's older than yours though OP.

ColdHandsHotHead · 10/04/2023 20:32

I went through primary school on three summer dresses and three winter dresses. Once I was at secondary school, I had so few clothes that when we went on holiday for a week, I had to wear my school dresses (fortunately they were not obviously uniform).

It was shit, for the record.

Original poster
mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:33

At the end of the season we buy new clothes, of course! Everyone has tights/jumpers/raincoats/layers that makes for a smooth transition.

@HappyValet I also find great pleasure in buying my children’s clothes but I began to realise I was going overboard. The issue is if you don’t make strict boundaries (or for me, anyway) I could buy them endlessly, when in reality they’re so so unnecessary in such numbers and get given away when they’re almost new. The smocks really help with that sort of mess Smile

OP posts:
Climbles · 10/04/2023 20:34

It’s not neglect but it’s seems a bit too severe. What about party clothes? Do they have sandals, trainers, wellies? Do they have a winter coat and a jacket? I don’t understand how you could reduce them to 3 outfits that would cover all weather.

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 20:35

@mosepray We travel within the U.K, so no weather variation really. We don’t really eat out, but they all have a nicer party outfit.

But if you go on a weeks holiday are you doing 2 laundry washes?
Ultimately I don’t really care, if it works for you fine but I don’t just understand the ‘it’s very convenient’ argument when you’re having to do laundry so so regularly and if
you are busy and put on a wash later so have less time for it to dry then they don’t have clean clothes.

Toffeebythesea · 10/04/2023 20:35

I'd also be interested in knowing if this is on top of school uniform?

Original poster
mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:35

@Climbles they each have a set of ‘Sunday clothes’ and yes they have a raincoat, light jacket, jumper, cardy, etc. as well as a variety of shoes (although also one main pair they tend to wear every day).

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 10/04/2023 20:36

Well, not neglected, but it’s a stance that prioritises your feelings above theirs, isn’t it, like no plastic toys, no TV etc.

I had similar as a child but that was from poverty, not parental choice. I did know that I had less than other children and I did mind, but I was a nice kid and would never have said anything to my mum.

I’d up it a bit.

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 20:36

Everyone has tights/jumpers/raincoats/layers that makes for a smooth transition.

So actually if they have a party outfit, and coats, jackets, extra jumpers and layers then they don’t really just have 3 outfits each then?

Notegoat · 10/04/2023 20:36

It sounds like it’s working at the moment. I’d keep an eye out for bullying from other DC. Children generally want to fit in and wear what their peer group does, particularly as they get older. I can imagine it getting awkward if they have friends round to play and are wearing ‘pinnies.’

Nottodayicant · 10/04/2023 20:37

I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing

Did you make them out of the curtains like Fraulein Maria?

3 outfits each seems very Catherine Cookson novel. Will the older one not get slack from her friends?

Seems really weird to me and I am not one for bulging wardrobes either.

SmallElephants · 10/04/2023 20:39

Hang on so you buy a whole set of new outfits ‘at the end of the season’? Am confused how that works. So they just rotate the same 3 outfits for weekends etc for what 3 months then u get a new set of 3? Each might only be worn 8 times!

FlounderingFruitcake · 10/04/2023 20:40

Obviously they’re not neglected. But it sounds miserable with no choice of what to wear, Victorian smocks and not being able to get their clothes mucky because their 3-4 outfits must last the week. And I don’t even know how that works when summers are so variable it can easily be shorts and t-shirt and jeans and jumper weather in the same week. You’re not wrong that most people have too many clothes but talk about talking it to the extreme. 7-8 outfits would be fine though! Allows a bit of choice and it isn’t the end of the world if something gets mucky (and small kids should get mucky!).

Moonlaserbearwolf · 10/04/2023 20:40

At the end of the season we buy new clothes, of course!

In that case you are actually still buying quite a few clothes surely?! You’re just replacing them relatively quickly! Some clothes will obviously wear out or get too small after a season, but not all of them. Do you never keep a child’s t-shirt etc for longer than 6 months?

drpet49 · 10/04/2023 20:42

Climbles · 10/04/2023 20:34

It’s not neglect but it’s seems a bit too severe. What about party clothes? Do they have sandals, trainers, wellies? Do they have a winter coat and a jacket? I don’t understand how you could reduce them to 3 outfits that would cover all weather.

This. Miserable and being a cheap skate is what I call it. Poor kids.

Sometimeswinning · 10/04/2023 20:42

My son has a whole wardrobe of jeans/joggers/t shirts/hoodys. He literally wears the same outfit most weekends. The second it's washed and hung in his wardrobe he's wearing it. Youngest chooses an outfit a day. Oldest buys her own named brand or specific items. Moral of this all kids are different and I've not yet been reported for neglecting my son!

Stichintime · 10/04/2023 20:42

I would think 7 of each item just
adequate, one for each day, plus school clothes.

swirly456 · 10/04/2023 20:42

My 15 month old gets through about 3 outfits a day 🤣 let alone a week.
Honestly though, if your children are dressed in clean, weather appropriate clothing and are happy with a few outfits then there's nothing wrong with it.
If it's to do with environmental reasons I recommend looking at second hand stuff on Vinted. I actually bought about 10 second hand t shirts for my son for about £2.