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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

244 replies

mosepray · 10/04/2023 20:17

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 10/04/2023 20:57

OP can you make a promise to come back on this thread when your kids are teenagers?Wink

GirloutofAfrica · 10/04/2023 20:59

I wish I had your discipline, it's definitely not neglectful.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 10/04/2023 20:59

SunnySaturdayMorning · 10/04/2023 20:52

It’s not neglectful, but I think it’s selfish on your part because it’s a stance you’ve made, and I don’t think it’s fair on them at all.

Interesting idea.

Do you apply the same principles to bedtime? Toys? Food? Brushing teeth? Surely any boundaries or limits you set as an adult "a stance you've made"?

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 10/04/2023 21:01

Well I have known children with far less but that is not through neglect but through poverty. Best not confuse the 2.

Royalbloo · 10/04/2023 21:02

My SIL hardly ever buys her girls new clothes and often buys secondhand and I've always thought it was pretty brilliant.

They're loved, safe, clothed appropriately (even if it's summer dresses layered over leggings with a cardi), and they are always having so much fun that they don't care.

I'd much rather that than a child who is sitting up straight, terrified to get anything on their new dress.

There's a middle ground of course, but you do you x Flowers x

Lcb123 · 10/04/2023 21:02

No I don’t think so. As long as they have clean and weather appropriate clothes. Most kids / adults have an excessive amount

NotQuiteUsual · 10/04/2023 21:04

My daughter's I could get away with that. They basically only wear 3-4 outfits each on rotation that they like. My son however would absolutely not be ok with it. He loves clothes and expressing himself via them, he absolutely would not embrace the capsule wardrobe.

TrueScrumptious · 10/04/2023 21:05

I think that’s fine. When they get older, they may want more, and you can make different choices at that point.

Ceilin · 10/04/2023 21:05

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 20:27

3 outfits to last an entire season just doesn’t sound enough for me. Do you never travel? Never do something after work or school and skip a laundry load?
I can’t imagine how that’s even appropriate for the activity, do they just wear the same thing to play in a muddy park as they would to a birthday party or a restaurant for a nice lunch?

mine wear the same thing for parties and parks - yes. we don't go to restaurants.

this comment has made me realise that 'nice restaurant people' quite possibly overlap with 'multiple outfits for children people'.

there are people who care about buying lots of clothes and people who don't. I don't think the two groups are going to agree on an answer.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/04/2023 21:06

It isn't neglect but it seems a fairly unnecessary way to live. The fact that you are sewing pinnies and musing about flannel frocks in 2023 suggests to me that this is about a cosy frugal ideology that pleases you rather than the environmental impact per se.

DancyNancy · 10/04/2023 21:10

Sounds fantastic. Fewer good quality clothes they love instead of disposable fashion. My lot have loads of clothes from hand me downs but the probably actually wear the same four of each thing in rotation, they grab their favourites all the time and loads get left there.

I feel saying it's neglectful is f**king ridiculous and quite a snobby comment to be honest.

You could easily retort that the other side of it is overindulgence and instilling wasteful materialistic values.

But it doesn't sound like you are one to voice judgemental comments.

853ax · 10/04/2023 21:10

I think it sounds fine actually a great idea. I think fast fashion is so bad for environment I hate seeing Christmas PJ's ect stuff which just seem to be used for a photo.
I also donate small clothes to local charity shop and pick up stuff there.
Boys love football type t shirts which take very little time to wash/dry

UndercoverCop · 10/04/2023 21:10

I agree with the principle but 4 is quite low, what if you go on holiday for a week? (No I'm not doing laundry on holiday) What if they spill something the day before wash day? DH and I went away for a long weekend for our wedding anniversary and DS stayed with PIL for 5 days 4 nights, MIL has chickens, a goat, horses, they also went out visiting other relatives etc. I had to send him with more than 4 changes and wouldn't expect PIL to do his laundry. I think once they are at school and in uniform all week you can get away with fewer clothes but 4 seems a bit on the low side.
This is not neglect though

Moonlaserbearwolf · 10/04/2023 21:11

But the OP is still buying lots of clothes! She is just rotating them quicker than most people would.
If someone buys 3-4 new outfits every season they could have 12-15 outfits in their wardrobes over the course of a year.
A t-shirt for summer can still be worn under a jumper in the winter. Even growing children don’t grow out of all of their clothes every 3 months, every year of their childhood.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 10/04/2023 21:12

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/04/2023 21:06

It isn't neglect but it seems a fairly unnecessary way to live. The fact that you are sewing pinnies and musing about flannel frocks in 2023 suggests to me that this is about a cosy frugal ideology that pleases you rather than the environmental impact per se.

This is how I’m reading this too.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/04/2023 21:14

Sounds nowhere near enough. How do clothes last so long .. my dd are 9 and 11 and need clean outfit every day. They aren’t even that outdoorsy but get messy! Also .. kind of normal to have a choice of things to wear.

MuffinToSeeHere · 10/04/2023 21:14

But the OP is still buying lots of clothes! She is just rotating them quicker than most people would.

Exactly! I don't understand the people saying it's more environmental friendly. A child with 20 outfits which are all secondhand or hand me downs which are worn and then passed on is better than having 3 outfits replaced every season.

fruitbrewhaha · 10/04/2023 21:15

My 10 year old DD has drawers full of clothes (hand me downs) and wears the same things every weekend. The 13 yo DD doesn’t have huge amounts but for than 3/4 outfits. They don’t need as many clothes in winter but come summer they need more for holidays etc

transformandriseup · 10/04/2023 21:15

I think 3 outfits is a bit restrictive but my DD doesn't have heaps of clothes either and if hasn't done her any harm and she is always appropriately dressed for the weather. Some of her friends wear one outfit once and then I never see them wear it again.

EwwSprouts · 10/04/2023 21:16

In principle it's a very green approach. I do wonder that none of your children must be involved in sport? As your DC become older I would be wary that the smocks could become the source of playground mockery. Yes I know different is fine but you need to ensure they have a good reserve of resilience.

Dunnoburt · 10/04/2023 21:18

I'm glad the car boots have started so I can actually afford to get my nipper a wardrobe of affordable clothes that fit!!!! yanbu

110APiccadilly · 10/04/2023 21:19

My overall feeling is that as long as they have clean, warm, weather appropriate clothes which fit well available at all times, they're not neglected. Exactly how many clothes that requires depends.

I don't really understand the smocks thing - presumably you have to wash those every time they get dirty so I don't really see how it saves time, effort, or overall clothing? But if it's working for your family then fine.

ProstituteHair · 10/04/2023 21:20

I think it's fine, up until the point your children tell you otherwise.

And they will!

CharlotteDoyle · 10/04/2023 21:21

Of course it's not neglectful. Your approach sounds well considered with your family's interests in mind. I agree that we all have WAY too much in our wardrobes, which results in excessive laundering and more stuff ending up in landfills. Are your kids really "miserable" about this as your friend suggests? Hopefully they will recognise what you're trying to do and maybe follow your example one day 👍

PollyPut · 10/04/2023 21:22

Seems fine but I would struggle to get them dried quickly enough after washing, and would buy/find a few more items in the next size up which they can wear if the main ones haven't dried and that they will grow into.

My DC wear the same few things over and over again; they don't need loads and loads