to ask whether a child with few clothes is neglected?

[mosepray]

I’ve really been trying to cut down on the numbers of clothes we buy for a few years now and this has left my children (under 10) with 3-4 outfits each per season— obviously way more underwear. I’ve sewn them up smocks/overdresses/pinnies to wear if they’re playing. The expectation is that everything is worn twice and we do a wash once a week.

I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.

My friend recently came round and we got onto the topic. She thinks that it’s neglectful to have so few clothes, because I can afford more so why not get more and leave the kids miserable. AIBU to think that’s silly?

I'd honestly agree with this.

I used to have tonnes of stuff for my eldest to the point where I was getting rid of stuff with tags on!!! I used to buy so much especially in sales where I thought I was getting a bargain!!!

By the time I had my second child (different gender!) I was overwhelmed and said I'd try and control myself a bit more!!!

I tend to have less stuff but the stuff I have is Of much better quality - washes better etc....... I tend to buy from Fruji, next, M&S rather than primark and H&M as I've found it just doesn't wash brilliantly.

I'd struggle on 3-4 outfits tho my daughter especially likes to choose her outfits and I don't think that's unreasonable.

I also sell/ pass on things my 2 have finished with (not underwear and socks!) and try to give it another lease of life.

When I was junior school age, walking home, a boy I knew asked why I always wore the same clothes, he wasn’t being rude, I didn’t have many clothes but they were always clean. My mother didn’t work, ( my father worked, a reasonably well paid occupation) and there were three children, and I guess she didn’t see the need for more, if they were washed and neat.
I was a bit embarrassed and denied it, but it was true, I didn’t have many clothes.

I had hardly any clothes growing up and it's contributed to my hoarding tbh.

No - I assumed they couldn’t afford it so I didn’t want to upset them. I was absolutely indignant later to hear that this wasn’t the reason!

“A six yr old is VERY different to 3yr old, they're generally less messy and are in school uniform 5 days out of 7.”

I wish that was true in my house. My 6yo is much messier than my 4yo… I think some children are naturally neat and tidy (my youngest) and some basically look like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards however hard you try (my eldest).

I was the same, Earlgrey .
My mother didn't like spending money on clothes. I'm sure i voiced my displeasure at the situation at some point, but the answer was tough.
Unless your dcs are 100% happy with being dressed like an extra from Little House on the Prairie then, yes its neglectful.

“I remember my grandmother telling me about the flannel dress she wore every day but Sunday when she was 7/8 and it made me think that maybe we don’t need that many clothes.”

This would be poverty in your nan’s day, but honestly neglect today. Your current level of 3-4 outfits per season is minimalist but not neglect. I wouldn’t be tempted to reduce any more.

I think it’s one of those things where if you’re middle class, doing it for environmental reasons, and the clothes are frugi / mini boden and the ilk, then it’ll get a very different reaction to if you live on a council estate, claim benefits, and shop at primark or H&M.
I actually don’t think a capsule type wardrobe is a bad thing when kids are younger, but 3-4 outfits is cutting it a bit fine. There’s a middle ground for sure!

Your 9 year old must be amazingly placid and compliant to wear a smock. My 8 year old daughter wouldn't wear a smock in a million years.

What if they are sick or spill stuff when not wearing aprons. What if you can't get washing dry. You'd need minimum 10 outfits.

You clearly know yours kid aren't neglected so it comes across as a "oooh look at me and my alternative ways, while everyone else is so wasteful"

My only advice would be to be careful about homemade smocks etc as they get older and their peers become more fashion/style aware as you don't want them to be singled out as "different"

Nah, the smocks are a bridge too far. I think it’s cruel to wait until your children say they don’t want to wear them- they might not. Children can be amazingly compliant if they realise it’s going to cause a massive fuss (or if they think it will) but that won’t take away their embarrassment. A basic capsule wardrobe is one thing- although I agree with PP it’s pretty joyless- but the smocks are too much.

This seems such a humble brag

There are clothes between trackies and a suit.

I would never take my DC to a "nice" restaurant in joggers.
It's not different with DD's.

Sorry was meaning to quote @Saschka here but was on the top

My mother was like this. I hated it. I had extremely beautiful clothes for church and ‘going out’ (my family are upper class), but for home, leisure time and school I had a very small and limited wardrobe of tired and unfashionable clothes. In fact in middle school in my year book, the girls making it ‘wrote we all got sick artimesiasfootsteps peddler pusher jeans’ . I was never bullied thankfully and I know the girls that wrote that would be mortified now if they knew how much it upset me. However it was so painfully obvious to everyone I wore the same things constantly. I was lucky and went to a kind little school, but kids are mean. For the love of gosh, buy your kids some clothes, and some ones they won’t look like dorks in.

I’m sure on penny pinching mumsnet everyone will say well done on you, but the truth is, your kids will resent you for it. Show them some kindness and get them some clothes they will feel good about themselves in. You don’t need to be a rampant consumer, but everyone should feel good about themselves and take pride in how they present themselves.

(I’ll add I’m not a big consumer, I wear a lot of second hand and vintage etc, but enjoy buying clothes that make me look chic. You don’t need to break the bank or ruin the environment to look good)

I wouldn't say it's neglectful but it might be pretty crap for the kids.

My parents barely brought me any clothes so I was constantly wearing the same things. All of my friends had the newest fashion, whereas I was wearing trainers from Lidl's. I was really, really embarrassed. My parents said I didn't need any extra clothing (I mean no, technically I didn't. But I did have the bare minimum).

As a result, I felt inferior to everyone else. I also now have a massive issue with buying clothes and spending money that I don't have on them. It's a desperate need to keep getting more and more clothes. I mean perhaps my case is nothing like what your kids are experiencing but just for thought.

I'd probably double the amount but I wouldn't say what you're doing is neglectful. As long as the clothes are weather appropriate, fit well and are clean then their basic needs are being met. I do admit I buy far too many clothes for my children but not intentionally. I just always assume they'll need them (even though we do washing every day! - I have 6 children). I may begin to reduce the amounts too now.

Other than school and sixth form uniform, my two 15 & 17 yo sons have about eight t shirts each, about 6 pairs of trackie bottoms and a pair of jeans, and three hoodies each. Plus season appropriate coats. Both have two pairs of causal trainers, a pair of school shoes, a pair of proper walking boots, and a pair of wellies. It's plenty for them as neither is at all bothered about fashion. Oh and three or four pairs of trackie shorts.

I used to cut the arms & collars off DH’s old work shirts and put them on the DC backwards (button up the back) as smocks to wear over their clothes 🤫

Smocks are really for messy play at home though. Painting, baking, gardening.
They never went out in them.

Are you children at school? 3-4 outfits for weekends is fine but you may struggle during holidays.
Making them wear smocks over the age of 5 will sadly make them sitting ducks for teasing from other kids .
We didn't have a lot of money growing up and for a lot of my childhood I had at best 2 outfits plus school uniform, maybe because of this I overbought clothes for my DC !
I think 3-4 outfits per season is fine if they have appropriate clean clothes for all weather's and occasions, however I think you may need to wash more than once a week.

Mine has gone through 3 outfits in a DAY before! Nursery though and I’m slightly bitter in thinking I would let them roll in mud too if I wasn’t the one dealing with the laundry.

I find the homemade smocks really weird. Why can't they just wear normal/comfortable clothes at home?

@ramanw I feel your pain. I was so so embarrassed of my clothes. I used to borrow friends clothes for dreaded non uniform days or camping trips. OP thinks she’s humble bragging, but I just feel desperately sad for her children, remembering how shit it was for me in their position.

(And for others, I’m not being melodramatic, I experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood that most adults don’t experience in a lifetime, so I get clothes in comparison seem insignificant, but what I’m clumsily trying to explain, is to a child, not fitting in and the low self worth that creates is a very, very big deal to a child)

I don’t think it’s neglect. I think ‘neglect’ is a strong word to use.
and I agree with some of what you’re saying but it is nice just to dress your children up nice occasionally and for them to have nice news outfits or what they like to wear e.g football kits or party dresses etc.
I think if you see a child wearing worn out clothes or wearing the same outfit pretty much every day (if you were to see them) I would wonder if they actually had any other clothes…
Probably a bit judgemental. I think if you’re worried about the cost of the environment etc to give on to charity shops or to re use for siblings etc and then you don’t feel as if it’s so wasteful.
I think ten t shirts/ tops. 5 trousers or leggings. 3 jackets/ jumpers and a coat would suffice as a appropriate