to ask dd to contribute more to the bills?

[namenamename12]

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

[Babyroobs]

I charge my ds and his gf who lives with us £50 a month , they earn a lot more than your dd will be but they literally just use one room and don't eat with us. Ds's GF doesn't even shower here as works at a gym so showers there. we have o mortgage. £75 seems perfectly reasonable.

[ClareBlue]

You can only choose to work part time for less pay if you have the luxury of someone else footing the bills. There are no consequences.
If you have to pay your own way then suddenly getting qualifications and/or training becomes more urgent because you want disposable income after paying your bills. If you don't then not an issue. V
Most adults would be fine with 500 to 700 disposable after all comittments a month, so if you can do it on min wage then why move onwards.
If you are used to having all your earned income to spend how you like it is actually really hard to adjust when you don't and you become vulnerable to using credit, running up debts and becoming financially dependent on others.
Generally not paying your way as an adult creates selfish traits and meanness and entitlement that causes issues in later relationships.
Our daughters in particular should learn to be financially independent, know what the cost of supporting themselves are and be able to pay their way so they are never reliant on others. This starts in the home.
Of course parents should not take all the financial burden of adult children who are in employment.

[NoEffingWay]

I would charge her about £325 a month.

This is based on 25% of a full time minimum wage job.

She is taking the rise working part time and paying you £12.50 per week. £12.50 buys precisely nothing-does that even cover the cost of say, a packed lunch a day?

Does she have lovely salon nails? Highlighted/balayaged hair? Holidays? She has £9000 a year disposable income which is actually insane.

[Roundandnour]

@Rhondaa

If you demand money from them how tf will they ever save for deposits and move out?! Pay your own bills, get your kids to save and pay for their own social lives and phone etc. It's no wonder kids can't move out when their parents don't give them chance to save a few thousand first. I must remember to tell ours that the virgin bill is due next week, oh actually no I won't because that's our responsibility.

Paying towards gas, electric and water are a part of their bills though. Never mind rent and ct. If they lived alone, these would need paying in full aside from the CT reduction.

[NaturalBae]

@PollyThePixie

Parents are doing their children a disservice if they do not teach their adult children financial literacy by charging them rent/board/a household contribution (whatever you want to call it), once they remain living at home with parents and are earning as adults

my children were sent a 12 hour flight away from home when they were 18 for further education. They had x amount paid into their account every month for 4 years and by the time they came home again they knew what budgeting and financial responsibility was. Once home they weren’t charged board but were expected to save hard and this they did. No one let themself down and all have gone on to become well rounded adults with very responsible jobs and families.

It’s good that it all worked out well re. your children, but budgeting and saving is not easy for everyone.

It’s a shame that finances, saving and managing money is not taught in schools.

Our DD lived at home whilst at Uni and commuted into Central London to attend Uni as we live in London, so they did not have the opportunity to live in Halls or share a property and budget household bills with other students in their last two years at Uni.

Our Secondary School aged DD is currently terrible with money but our Primary School aged DS has been great at saving since he was a toddler. 
We’re about to set up new bank accounts for our youngest two DC, so they can learn how to manage money well without actually having to count the cash in their hands. It’s difficult for children to practise handling cash to pay for purchases these days as nearly every payment system is set up for card or electronic payment only.

[NoEffingWay]

I was just under no illusion about how much it cost to live.

I think that people who pay nothing/hardly anything must have an actual panic attack when they do a full food shop, or have the electricity bill arrive.

[LumpyandBumps]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I’d like to be able to keep my adult children for free, and don’t expect them to pay just for the roof over their heads.
Unfortunately I have yet to persuade utility companies and supermarkets to provide me with free water, electricity and food for them. As they have they have a higher income than me they need to pay towards the extra costs incurred by them living here.

[PollyThePixie]

It’s good that it all worked out well re. your children, but budgeting and saving is not easy for everyone

I agree. And my point (going back quite a few pages now)is that generalizing is ridiculous.

[NaturalBae]

@PollyThePixie

It’s good that it all worked out well re. your children, but budgeting and saving is not easy for everyone

I agree. And my point (going back quite a few pages now)is that generalizing is ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous. My post just hit a nerve with you that’s all.
My post was not aimed at you specifically, as I do not know you or your adult children.

You do not have to agree with my position, although you’re now saying you agree. Try not to take things random people on the internet say so personally, when you know that they do not know you. Yes, most of what pp say online is a generalised as this is an anonymous forum.

In addition, referring to how many pages back you posted your post is utterly irrelevant. PP will respond if and when they want to.

[ReceptionTA]

@NoEffingWay

I was just under no illusion about how much it cost to live.

I think that people who pay nothing/hardly anything must have an actual panic attack when they do a full food shop, or have the electricity bill arrive.

No, they don't. I never paid my parents any board, I was a live in nanny for years, so paid no bills and I still managed to budget for the household bills when I moved in with DH and started a family. It's not rocket science, it's Maths most Y6 could do very easily.

You don't charge my DC board because I don't need it want to. But the going rate that my friends charge seems to be £50pw to cover food and energy because teenagers don't know how to turn off lights. It seems they put up the rent when they get irritated by their adult DC.

I'd show your DD how much she costs you OP, then have a sensible conversation about how much of that she should do tribute. She can't be working many hours to earn so little. Does she have a long term plan about what she might want to do for a career? I'd be much more concerned about that than he not paying much board.

[Cardamoney]

@PollyThePixie

But how often do you think that happens out of all the youngsters who aren’t charged board money but are expected to have considerable savings instead.

Based on what some people here say, who knows?🤣 I’ve seen plenty of posts from people complaining about their kids moving home to save money but who then just continue to go out partying.
I’m all for allowing children to save, but they also need to understand that life costs, and therefore some compromises need to be made. If you want to, save the board money and hand it back when they move out. My lot always paid some board money as soon as they were full time earning. And they have managed to afford a house as well.

[PollyThePixie]

@NaturalBae

It’s not ridiculous. My post just hit a nerve with you that’s all.
My post was not aimed at you specifically, as I do not know you or your adult children.

You do not have to agree with my position, although you’re now saying you agree. Try not to take things random people on the internet say so personally, when you know that they do not know you. Yes, most of what pp say online is a generalised as this is an anonymous forum.

In addition, referring to how many pages back you posted your post is utterly irrelevant. PP will respond if and when they want to.

My post was not aimed at you specifically, as I do not know you or your adult children.

Your post was one of many on thread that was nothing but ridiculous generalization. But I suppose you could try taking your own advice and not take things so personally.

It’s not ridiculous. My post just hit a nerve with you that’s all

No. You didn’t it a nerve. You don’t have the power to.

[NaturalBae]

Also, we all agreed to 30% as DD was then only working PT hours on a zero hours contract, with a view to possibly reviewing the percentage once she had secured a FT permanent job. Approximately one year on, we realised that she had not actually applied for any FT jobs as she claimed that she could not find any that suited her!
DD thought she was being smart, but soon realised she was only holding herself back and preventing herself from accessing better career opportunities and, therefore, more money. She’s lucky we haven’t reviewed her board since she’s been working FT on good money. 

Don’t let these adult children fool you. 

[whowhatwerewhy]

Hi op , yes it seems very reasonable and valid to charge her extra now you have lost the discount on the shopping.
She has chosen a lesser paid job this doesn't mean your overheads are less .

[Whichnumbers]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

That’s fine, she’s no longer a child at 18 and any self respecting adult that has been raised decently will insist on paying their own way & not freeloading like a leech

[LeilaDarling]

Should be £75 a week!!!!!
you are absolutely right that she should contribute to the household or she will have a big shock when she does leave home.

[sashh]

Good grief OP

I paid my mum £50 a month in the 1980s and I earned less than £300 a month.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

£75 a month is peanuts - does she have any idea of what it’d cost her to move into a flatshare??
I’d stick (calmly) to your guns, OP. And probably add that it’s high time she learned what a roof over your head, heating, hot water and food actually cost.

[KimberleyClark]

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Eh? They are out of education and working. Why shouldn't they contribute??

This. Learning to be an adult means learning to pay your way surely.

[Laurama91]

I think it depends on your situation. My mum passed when we were young so dad became mortage free, we didn't pay. Evil step mother didn't like this, in the end I ended up buying everything for myself (she hid things to ensure this) I think my parter paid 400 a month when working full time

[CrapBucket]

@PurpleBananaSmoothie

My mum made me pay rent because she was a single parent. Living with her as an adult that wasn’t in full time education so she lost her single person discount on council tax. Her utility bills and food bills increased with me being home. My dad stopped paying maintenance and she couldn’t afford those increases. It’s nice that you have never been in that position but not everyone is.

I’m in this situation with DS about to finish school. If he doesn’t go to uni I was going to charge him £100 per week. I’ll be losing council tax discount, maintenance and child benefit. Reading this thread it seems I’m an absolute bastard but hey ho…

[christmastreefarm]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

At what age does that stop...25? 30? 50? After all you may be 70 and on state pension but on your basis you are still their parent so you support them?

[00100001]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

If you can afford to support 3 additional grown adults with food, heating, electricity then great.

Good for you.


Parent of the year.

[thimblewomgee247]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Your "child" no. But another working adult in your home!! Yes

It's not about the parent getting money it's helping young people to understand that things cost money. You don't just get to blow your wages every month

[00100001]

@Rhondaa

Same. Surely the dc just pay their own phone, going out money and treats when on minimum wage. To charge some kind of rent seems odd imo. Any extra they can afford they should save towards getting their own place at some point not contributing towards Mum amd Dad's bills.

Mum and Dad's bills... LOL

Paying for working adults to live and eat for free isn't a bill...