to ask dd to contribute more to the bills?

[namenamename12]

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

[PinkyFlamingo]

Reason!

[00100001]

@Rhondaa

You save money once they leave school and college, it's easily £15 a week dinner money they £50 a month bus fare or parking once driving. So that's £120 at least that would compensate for the loss of child benefit.

The point is it wouldn't 'be for decades' they would have savings to then move out.

We should be supporting our dc to save for deposits not grabbing money off them. They pay for their own clothes obviously when working I can't remember the last time I was forking out a fortune for uniforms, shoes trainers, pe kit and going out clothes so it does all balance out. I'm not 'parent of the year' but their futures are more important than paying towards bills that are already being paid. 'Board and lodge' for kids is just crazy do some of you charge relatives when they come and stay or maybe ask for a tenner each for Sunday lunch? You know, teach folk the importance of budgeting .

So, they magically stop eating food when they leave college?

If you're not charging them anything and they still need a meal in the middle of the day... Why would that extra food being bought cost nothing?

[Rhondaa]

'So, they magically stop eating food when they leave college?'

'If you're not charging them anything and they still need a meal in the middle of the day... Why would that extra food being bought cost nothing?'

Well, they buy their own when at work you see and as we aren't forking out for dinner money and all the costs that come with school and college we have a bit extra to feed our kids in the evening. Swings and roundabouts. I loathe this 'oh they're on minimum wage I'm going to charge them a third of it to live in their own family home because they need to learn!'.

Then folk wonder why they're still there 10years later.

[zingally]

I paid £100 a month and that was the better part of 20 years ago.

[SorePaw]

@FavouriteDogMug

It depends if you need the money. I don't charge my dd any rent as we don't really need the contribution and I would rather she saved it for her future. If I did need the money I would charge but I think you are being a bit petty about the discount card thing.

Why?

The discount was saving the OP a considerable amount of money on food. She said this saving was part if DD's contribution. DD Chucked in her job at the supermarket so needs to make up for the discount the Op is no longer getting 🤷🏻‍♀️

life lesson, yes you can Chuck in your job, but you still need to pay your bills.

OP has been asking for a contribution of £50 & now is asking for £75. A MONTH. That won't even cover DD's food, let alone gas/electric/water/council tax etc and NO component for rent.

@namenamename12 ask moody mare what she thinks that will cover? Then tell her what half the bills actually are, and ask her where the hell she thinks she can live cheaper and why she thinks she should have much more disposable income while you struggle to pay the bills.

I think if parents don't need the money charging board for the sake of charging board is mean, but when an earning DC has plenty of surplus income, why shouldn't they contribute if money is tight for the parent/s??

[Devoutspoken]

Determined, - its not a scenario I am familiar as my kids like saving money

[x2boys]

@Rhondaa

'So, they magically stop eating food when they leave college?'

'If you're not charging them anything and they still need a meal in the middle of the day... Why would that extra food being bought cost nothing?'

Well, they buy their own when at work you see and as we aren't forking out for dinner money and all the costs that come with school and college we have a bit extra to feed our kids in the evening. Swings and roundabouts. I loathe this 'oh they're on minimum wage I'm going to charge them a third of it to live in their own family home because they need to learn!'.

Then folk wonder why they're still there 10years later.

Well first of all the Op is asking for £75/ month not a third of their wages but anyway a third seems quite reasonable they would be paying a damn, site more if they had their own place
Has it occurred to.you that not everyone is as privileged as you ,some people rely on tax credits ,ect ,I have a severely disabled child so.I can't work even though my dh, works full.time it's a low paid job ,so we get tax credits ,when my older non disabled son finish,s full time education ,tax credits for him willl.stop.but we still.have the same bills ,so yes it he's working full.time and living at home ,I will.expect him to make a contribution.

[00100001]

@Rhondaa

'So, they magically stop eating food when they leave college?'

'If you're not charging them anything and they still need a meal in the middle of the day... Why would that extra food being bought cost nothing?'

Well, they buy their own when at work you see and as we aren't forking out for dinner money and all the costs that come with school and college we have a bit extra to feed our kids in the evening. Swings and roundabouts. I loathe this 'oh they're on minimum wage I'm going to charge them a third of it to live in their own family home because they need to learn!'.

Then folk wonder why they're still there 10years later.

So what would you do if your adult offspring we're still living with you in the mid 30s earning a decent wage would you still not charge some rent a

[Rhondaa]

'Well first of all the Op is asking for £75/ month not a third of their wages but anyway a third seems quite reasonable they would be paying a damn, site more if they had their own place'

I haven't at any point suggested that they wouldn't pay more if they had their own place. The point is to get their own place they need funds and the best time to save is when at home.

I am certainly not privileged but I can do maths and I know that the money dc now spend on their clothes, social lives, phones, taxis etc is money we'd have been giving them previously so we're probably better off.

[x2boys]

@Rhondaa

'Well first of all the Op is asking for £75/ month not a third of their wages but anyway a third seems quite reasonable they would be paying a damn, site more if they had their own place'

I haven't at any point suggested that they wouldn't pay more if they had their own place. The point is to get their own place they need funds and the best time to save is when at home.

I am certainly not privileged but I can do maths and I know that the money dc now spend on their clothes, social lives, phones, taxis etc is money we'd have been giving them previously so we're probably better off.

You might be but not everyone will be as they lose tax credits etc.

[Greensleevevssnotnose]

I paid my parents £250 a month in the 80s fgs. I think charge a meaningful amount or don't bother. I would look at how much a HMO is for a room, thats about 800 round here then add food etc. Maybe charge half or two thirds of that as she has to abide by your rules and isn't really independent. It will encourage her to budget and realise she needs to take more shifts etc as this amount does not vary with her income.

I am currently unemployed and I wouldn't dream of asking my oh to sub me till I get a job, it comes out of my savings. Bills still need to be paid.

[Badbudgeter]

It was always a third of earnings when I was younger. Which seems fair although even at that you will still be subsiding her. I’d be massively disappointed if my DC behaved a similar way at that age. You earn, you contribute that way whole family is better off. My dc are too young for work but they can still contribute by doing chores. This can save money by not using the car wash for example or saves my time meaning I can work and earn a bit more.

[JaceLancs]

DS pays £350 plus buys some of the food
your DD is very lucky - I would have asked for at least £100 on her earnings

[Rhondaa]

'DS pays £350 plus buys some of the food'

You forgot to say what he earns or how old he is. If he's 30 on £2k a month fine your choice (though surely better to save so he can move out), if a teen just out of college on min wage then is absolutely excessive.

[OldTinHat]

Are you a complete doormat? My 18yr old DS paid £80 a week when he was on minimum wage, 40 hrs a week.

I paid my parents £300 a month when I was 16 and working full time earning £570 a month.

How will she ever know what the real world is like if she doesn't understand value and cost? Take extra and save it for her, even, you're doing her no favours here.

[OldTinHat]

I'm 51 btw and DS is now 24 and has just bought his own home after renting for a few years.

[romany4]

Yanbu

I used to earn £57 a week for 2 evenings and all day Saturday in a supermarket when I was 16 in 1988. I used to give my mum £20 of this for my keep.

You dd is being absolutely ridiculous. I'd point out how much she would need to earn and pay if she moves out and lives alone.

[LuckySantangelo35]

@hcarter8
@Devoutspoken

op’s daughter is 18 - she’s an adult, not a child. Adults have to pay bills. That’s life.

[VeryAncientMater]

Why do men and even teenagers get such high wages?! They always earn more than most women their age! He is doing very well if he has £1600 after paying you a contribution!

[00100001]

@Rhondaa

'DS pays £350 plus buys some of the food'

You forgot to say what he earns or how old he is. If he's 30 on £2k a month fine your choice (though surely better to save so he can move out), if a teen just out of college on min wage then is absolutely excessive.

Why do you feel like these adults have to save so much to move out?

When most people can rent quite comfortably and save for their deposit quickly enough despite their parents being so unkind and ever so terrible by charging them keep.

[Replitad]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I'll never understand parents who let their adult kids freeload and don't teach them about the realities of adult life ie paying your way

[KitchenWitch13]

i used to pay that a WEEK when i started working after college 20+yrs ago!
And i used to buy the majority of my own food and toiletries having my own cupboard, fridge and freezer space.
She has it bloody lucky!

I also have friends who used to pay 50% of their wages (ifnot full time) to their parents towards bills, even if some of that used to get put into a savings account for them later on towards deposits etc.

[viques]

I misread and thought you were charging her that a week not a month, and still thought she was getting a bargain!

I think I would be charging her extra for the attitude…………

[Serrina]

@namenamename12

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

March her down to the council offices with a letter from you saying that you are evicting her and ask the council to find some accommodation for her as she refuses to pay for her own upkeep and you cannot afford to keep her there anymore. After a week in some grotty hostel and paying more for that than what you're charging her, she'll be begging to come home and will be more than willing to pay what you're asking for.

[x2boys]

@Serrina

March her down to the council offices with a letter from you saying that you are evicting her and ask the council to find some accommodation for her as she refuses to pay for her own upkeep and you cannot afford to keep her there anymore. After a week in some grotty hostel and paying more for that than what you're charging her, she'll be begging to come home and will be more than willing to pay what you're asking for.

I don't think councils have the time or the resources to play silly little games, to reach someone a lesson!