to ask dd to contribute more to the bills?

[namenamename12]

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

[softsweets]

My 18yo DS has £1400 a month after he has paid us his £200 a month board - he spends it all on designer clothes, vape juice, his car and getting pissed! 🤬 I'll let him have another year of 'fun' and then I'm going to double it.

I could only dream of £1400 a month disposable income!

[Suzi888]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I never paid rent/ keep what have you and I’m terrible with money. I have a decent job now so it doesn’t really matter, but life lessons and all that.

If you don’t need the money, then ask for a contribution and save it for them.

[caringcarer]

I would also be telling DD to try to be working full time hours, not part time.

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

My dd is planning on doing similar when she finishes college and I was going to ask for £50 a week!!

Your dd is taking the piss.

[neilyoungismyhero]

Even if I didn't need the contribution I would still charge them a reasonable amount and put it away in an account for them secretly. They need to learn how to budget and to understand the cost of things.

[kitsuneghost]

I wouldn't use my teenager daughter for discounts and income top up myself.

[Rhondaa]

@RosemaryAndTime

Well, I don't understand parents who don't ask their adult children to contribute once they are able. I paid a contribution to the household as soon as I was earning and I will expect the same with my children. Learning to budget is an important life skill.

Well they do learn to budget they then pay their own social lives and extras. Before working we'd easily give a dc 50 quid a weekend for a night out and a takeaway, constant money for clothes and trains etc. Once they work they cover all that themselves obviously so parents save that way. Kids need to learn to save not contribute towards bills that parents are already paying.

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

You're lucky 🤷‍♀️

I'm a single parent, once dd leaves full time education I will lose my child benefit and my discount of my council tax. I'm barely scraping by now with the cost of everything, my dd will have to contribute otherwise I will sink financially.

If I were wealthy then yes I wouldn't have to worry about it.

[clocktock]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I'll never understand parents who don't give their adult children the tools they need to live independently in the future. Understanding household costs etc is very important and most kids do not have a clue how much it costs to run a household.

My dd pays 100 a month. Buys all her own toiletries etc. 25 quid a week barely covers her food but she likes to feel that she's contributing. This family works as a team. We all chip in.

My ds left college and worked in a fast food place on minimum wage. I still took rent. He soon realised he wanted to better his employment and started an apprenticeship in a trade. If I'd just let him carry on earning just enough for his nights out and trainers, well he'd have wasted his potential imo.

[Rhondaa]

@softsweets

My 18yo DS has £1400 a month after he has paid us his £200 a month board - he spends it all on designer clothes, vape juice, his car and getting pissed! 🤬 I'll let him have another year of 'fun' and then I'm going to double it.

I could only dream of £1400 a month disposable income!

Tell him to budget and save it while he is living with you? How on earth are these kids going to save for house deposits or rent when their parents are demanding chunks of it 🙄.

[Hidingawaytoday]

@softsweets

My 18yo DS has £1400 a month after he has paid us his £200 a month board - he spends it all on designer clothes, vape juice, his car and getting pissed! 🤬 I'll let him have another year of 'fun' and then I'm going to double it.

I could only dream of £1400 a month disposable income!

Madness! My parents charged me token board when I moved back home after uni - but made it very clear that if they thought I was spending it all on crap rather than saving a decent amount, they'd put it up.

[RaininSummer]

She is well out of line. I was paying 50 a month 40 years ago.

[SpilltheTea]

£75 a month is absolutely nothing. Does she have any idea how much things cost? That's less than you probably spend just to feed her.

[strawberry2017]

Tell her good luck finding somewhere to live for £50 a month elsewhere!

[KittyAlfred]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

But where do you draw the line? A friend of mine is a single Mum and her DD lives at home. She went to local uni and didn’t pay any rent. She got a degree and got a job and still didn’t pay any rent. She’s now 25, earns about £10k/year more than my friend , but still doesn’t pay a single penny toward bills, food etc. All her income is for herself, while my friend pays the rent, bills, food and so on. It’s none of my business and my friend isn’t bothered, but I feel it’s a dangerous precedent to set, unless you have some kind of ground rules in place.

[Lovelynames123]

My dps didn't need the money but 20 odd years ago me and my sibling paid £50 a month each, we did both get it back to help furnish houses when we moved out. £50 20 years is very different to £50 these days, my earnings were under £5p/h!

[OhcantthInkofaname]

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

20% of take home pay is my sort of thinking with adult dc who are no longer in education. Especially if you are providing all food, mobile contract etc.

I would think it would be more like 40%.

[ILoveMyCaravan]

My mother charged her sons the bare minimum "rent" when they were living at home. They all turned into financially abusive twats when they left home and shacked up with their poor unsuspecting gf\wife.

[ilovesooty]

It sounds as though she needs to understand exactly what the financial demands on the household are, and be paying quite a lot more if she intends to stay at home.

[RosemaryAndTime]

@Janiie Not everyone has the means to give their kids £50 every weekend for a night out and a takeaway!!! We must live in different worlds.

[KingandIfan]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

There are quite a lot of adult children who do not leave home in their 30s or more and other boomerang adults who return when a relationship ends or other problems. Would you expect a single pensioner mother to still keep these middle-aged adults?

[anerki10]

@PurpleBananaSmoothie

My mum made me pay rent because she was a single parent. Living with her as an adult that wasn’t in full time education so she lost her single person discount on council tax. Her utility bills and food bills increased with me being home. My dad stopped paying maintenance and she couldn’t afford those increases. It’s nice that you have never been in that position but not everyone is.

My situation was the same. My Mum charged me half of my wage when I started earning at 18. It was about £500 a month I paid her until I moved out.

[quaverface]

Tell him to budget and save it while he is living with you?

Genius.

How on earth are these kids going to save for house deposits or rent when their parents are demanding chunks of it 🙄.

Maybe by saving some of the remaining £1400?

[Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic]

Get the bills out, sit her down and show her how much they’ve increased in the last year.
Show her how much elec/water/council tax/Netflix whatever cost each month and then look at rightmove and see what a 1 bed in a flat share is locally.

like you say, she is an adult now. She’s allowed to feel annoyed over it but she’s not allowed to take it out on you. It’s reasonable.

[WateryDoom]

Tell her to move out. Life's not fair and she's paying a pathetic amount. Does she genuinely think that (less than) £20 a week is a fair amount to pay for board and lodge?

Adults pay their way.