to ask dd to contribute more to the bills?

[namenamename12]

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

[shellyleppard]

If you pay for your children how are they ever going to gain financial independence??? I think £75 is low!!! Children need to learn to be independent and able to work out a budget. Simples

[WhereYouLeftIt]

You're still undercharging her at £75/month. I paid 25% of my take-home pay to my mum in dig money. If she's on £500, £125/month would be what I'd be taking from her.

[Cardamoney]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Seriously ? Will you still think that when they’re 40, living the life of Riley for free and you’re still working to support them?! They’ll still be your child then.

[Ffsmakeitstop]

My adult son pays £260 a month plus buys some of his own food,. He earns about £2000.
He has grumbled occasionally if I've mentioned putting it up so I explained it that there is 3 adults living here and how much 1/3 of every bill would be and that amount is more than I ask for.
He did give extra over winter towards the gas and electric without me asking. So explaining to reasonable adults does work. He is saving for a deposit so we compromise.
I don't look on it as making money off him just him contributing to the 20 minute showers he has daily.

[ClaudiaCustard]

I wouldn't take money off my 18 year old I don't think.

What I would do is ensure she was now paying for her own bits and pieces, so stuff I'd previously paid for (for example, I currently pay for contact lenses, gym subscription, monthly pocket money,etc for my youngest who is 16 and that alone totals £130 a month)

I'll reduce what I pay there in my circumstances and probably have him pick up his £50 gym membership .

My approach is different with an older child - my eldest is now 24 and has her own house now but she was here until she was 23 and she earned over 30k a year in her career at that point

I charged her nothing whilst at university and I said I'd like a £50 a week food contribution once she settled into her job as she was bringing home £1800 an month

[Itsallaloadofbollocks]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

She may be their child but she is not a child. That's why she should pay.

[Rhondaa]

@shellyleppard

If you pay for your children how are they ever going to gain financial independence??? I think £75 is low!!! Children need to learn to be independent and able to work out a budget. Simples

If you demand money from them how tf will they ever save for deposits and move out?! Pay your own bills, get your kids to save and pay for their own social lives and phone etc. It's no wonder kids can't move out when their parents don't give them chance to save a few thousand first. I must remember to tell ours that the virgin bill is due next week, oh actually no I won't because that's our responsibility.

[happytoobehere]

My DS is 18 he gets paid fortnightly and pays £50 a week. He offered this to me as he’s know the cost of everything is going up. The £ he contributes goes towards his meals and snacks. He’s left with about £1000 a month as has no travel cost etc for work. He saves each fortnight, pay his own phone, gym membership and is generous to his younger siblings when he’s paid.

[anerki10]

@Rhondaa

If you demand money from them how tf will they ever save for deposits and move out?! Pay your own bills, get your kids to save and pay for their own social lives and phone etc. It's no wonder kids can't move out when their parents don't give them chance to save a few thousand first. I must remember to tell ours that the virgin bill is due next week, oh actually no I won't because that's our responsibility.

I don't think £75 a month is going to prevent her DD from saving for a deposit. £75 is nothing. Don't be absurd. I'd agree if she was charging half her wage. But honestly. It's £75.

[PollyThePixie]

@Cardamoney

Seriously ? Will you still think that when they’re 40, living the life of Riley for free and you’re still working to support them?! They’ll still be your child then.

But how often do you think that happens out of all the youngsters who aren’t charged board money but are expected to have considerable savings instead.

[User639762456]

A lot of the adult DC are not saving for deposits though, they are spending it down the pub and on clothes and fun stuff. DS certainly wasn't saving for a deposit at 18. Not paying board is not suddenly going to turn them into deposit savers.

[shellyleppard]

Its not demanding!!! 😐😐 Its expecting them to help pay the bills, take financial responsibility for themselves!!! If they are earning enough they should pay keep money and have enough to save for their future. Btw.....when I left school I earned £27 a week. Gave my mum £10 a week for rent money and food. The rest went on driving lessons, bus fare and occassional nights out. Didn't do me any harm 🤷🤷

[Clementineorsatsuma]

My daughter gets UC for chronic disability and pays £200!

[NaturalBae]

Our adult DD has been contributing 30% of their PT and now FT earnings to our household since finishing Uni. We initially gave them a grace period of a few months and then the contributions started. 30% seems to be average from what I read on MN a couple of years ago. We discussed and negotiated the 30% with DD beforehand and she agreed.

We’re secretly planning to give it back to them as a deposit towards their first property when the time comes, as long as we’re not skint by then, dint of having to give the house to the bank due to further mortgage increase rises and DH’s businesses going bust due to Brexit.

DD’s got their own room and shower ensuite set up in their own area of the house away from us and their younger siblings. She still manages to save and continues to live her best life socialising. She also continues to book more trips away than us per year, even when they were working PT night shifts at a big supermarket after Uni during the initial COVID-19 lockdowns.
We didn’t utilise DD’s staff discount that much as it wasn’t one of the cheaper priced supermarkets, so we wouldn’t have made any savings by changing our shopping habits to shop there.

DD is now in a better FT job nearly earning more than me and is happy to remain at home with us for now as she knows she’s got a good deal.

I must admit that DD had a very brief diva moment early on due to discussion with one of her friends about our previously agreed 30% household contribution, as her friend was contributing a lot less to their parents. We had words and our DD quickly realised she was being a brat.

Parents are doing their children a disservice if they do not teach their adult children financial literacy by charging them rent/board/a household contribution (whatever you want to call it), once they remain living at home with parents and are earning as adults.

[x2boys]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I'll never understand posters who can't understand we don't all.live exactly the same lives ,why shouldn't a working adult contribute?

[PollyThePixie]

@User639762456

A lot of the adult DC are not saving for deposits though, they are spending it down the pub and on clothes and fun stuff. DS certainly wasn't saving for a deposit at 18. Not paying board is not suddenly going to turn them into deposit savers.

I think circumstances vary. Not everyone is the same. I paid board. My children didn’t. They knew what was expected of them though and no one let themselves down with regard to savings and making the most of things.

[PollyThePixie]

Parents are doing their children a disservice if they do not teach their adult children financial literacy by charging them rent/board/a household contribution (whatever you want to call it), once they remain living at home with parents and are earning as adults

my children were sent a 12 hour flight away from home when they were 18 for further education. They had x amount paid into their account every month for 4 years and by the time they came home again they knew what budgeting and financial responsibility was. Once home they weren’t charged board but were expected to save hard and this they did. No one let themself down and all have gone on to become well rounded adults with very responsible jobs and families.

[BCBird]

You are not being unreasonable when I started full time my mom lost her discount on council tax and rentvrenate. I started teachin and earned 770 a month. Mom.told me I had to pay rent and council tax. No problem as I knew I was getting off lightly compared to having to pay for a house share. If she doesn't like it tough. Even if u can afford it I think it is a good idea for her to pay something.

[Inthebathagain]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I'll never understand parents who don't take every opportunity they are given to teach their children about how real life works and being a contributing member of society. It just seems odd to me. You should never deny your child something that a parent should teach for free.

[Identifyingasadolphin]

Remind your daughter that it equates to £2.50 per day maybe?

[softsweets]

@Janiie ... I'm not sure I deserve the eye roll emoji, but hey ho!!

Infuriatingly, DS doesn't see saving for a house, nor adding to his pension contributions, as a priority! We have agreed he can have a year of 'fun' and then he can grow up a bit.

[ClareBlue]

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

20% of take home pay is my sort of thinking with adult dc who are no longer in education. Especially if you are providing all food, mobile contract etc.

That's our figure too and they pay there own top ups and transport or contribute to petrol for regular lifts like to work or an activity. Does nó favours for her to think 50 a month out of 600 to 800 is ok.

[supersop60]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Even when they are adults? My DC are 22 and 19, both have more disposable income than me, and both are saving as much as they can. They pay £100 a month each.

[IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble]

I paid £40 a week thirty something years ago when I was 18, and earning about £7k or £8k a year. She has an absolute bargain at £75pm. By changing jobs she has chosen to earn less but that doesn’t mean that it costs less to feed her and put a roof over her head.
I’d make it £100pm.

[Comefromaway]

She doesn’t know how good she has it.

At one point Ds was thinking of taking a gap year. I would have charged him £150 per month as that’s pretty much what is costs to feed him.