to ask dd to contribute more to the bills?

[namenamename12]

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

[Quveas]

Can I move in please? I am willing to go up to £100 a month 😀

This happened to a friend of mine a few weeks ago. He's disabled and only has ESA - his adult step-daughter (her mother is dead) works full time and has a decent if not splendid wage and has been paying £200 a month for all bills and food. He couldn't afford this so he asked her for £250 a month. She had a tantrum (really!) stormed off screaming that she couldn't afford that, and said she was moving out. I told him to tell here that would be fine, and to let him know how long that would take so he could look at claiming the single person's discount on council tax. It took her a week of house hunting to quietly start forking out £250 a month.

I should add that she has a huge studio bedroom, wi-fi, multi-room, and had spent £1300 on an iPad the week before. For those who think that a parents role is to subsidise their child living at home forever, you are doing them no favours by letting them think that adult life is about free-loading, and wants come before needs.

[Sugarplumfairy65]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

But she isn't a child

[Ilikewinter]

100% you are being reasonable in charging her £75 a month. If she doesnt like it then tell her to buy her own food and charge her a proportion of all the other bills.

[Strictly1]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I think it’s a parent’s job to prepare them for real life. I will charge my child (I don’t need it) and I’ll put it away for them for a house deposit but I won’t tell them. They need to learn to budget and live within their means.

[pussycatinfluffyslippers]

When I started work (in the late 80s) my wage was £40 for 20hrs. I paid my mum and dad £25 of that - and had to pay my own Community Charge/Poll Tax Thanks Maggie

I would point out how much it will cost to rent somewhere and cover all her bills...

[quaverface]

Are you sure she's earning as little as she says she is?

According to your figures, she's been earning less than £7 in the supermarket, and now even less in the fast food place?

I'm pretty sure the big supermarket in my area pays around £10 an hour at 18, and the well known fast food plays definitely pays that as my DC works there. He does 30 hours per week and pays me £40 a week.

[thegrain]

I'd charge her £50 and make her buy her own food..she'll soon agree to £25

[pussycatinfluffyslippers]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

My Auntie was just like this.

Her sons have no idea about money as a result.

[blebbleb]

I paid £50 a week 20 years ago!

[Ollybob]

£75 is fine. I ask dd for more than that simple because I am a single parent working full time on just above min wage. I can't afford bills, rent and food for two grown adults on my wage alone.

[Mochudubh]

@PurpleBananaSmoothie Well said!

[gobbleguts]

I don't agree that it depends if you need the money, I think that's irrelevant, you are teaching them a life skill to budget and manage their money to pay for life! They also learn that you don't get anything for nothing! This is all part of being an adult. Even a small contribution is better than asking for nothing, there would never be any incentive to stand on their own two feet and move out eventually if they get rent/board/food/laundry/hot water all for free?!

[gobbleguts]

Oh and forgot to say - sorry op! £75 is getting off lightly, she has no right to argue with that amount of money,

[QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat]

I hopefully won't need the money when my children are grown up and I hope they know that they can stay at home for however long they liked BUT I think it's good practice to charge them a nominal amount - if they are working why shouldn't they? You can't expect to live for free and how does that set them up for budgeting when they do move out?

[Rhondaa]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Same. Surely the dc just pay their own phone, going out money and treats when on minimum wage. To charge some kind of rent seems odd imo. Any extra they can afford they should save towards getting their own place at some point not contributing towards Mum amd Dad's bills.

[PollyThePixie]

@Devoutspoken

Hcarter8, I agree, I'd rather my kids save their money

I think it’s quite easy to forget that not everyone is in the position to do this. I am. And did. But it was my good fortune to be able to do so. You need to think a bit more before you say these things.

[BungleandGeorge]

Perhaps I’ll tell my parents I’m moving back in with them rent free so I can spend my money on going out and designer handbags 😆

[PollyThePixie]

@gobbleguts

I don't agree that it depends if you need the money, I think that's irrelevant, you are teaching them a life skill to budget and manage their money to pay for life! They also learn that you don't get anything for nothing! This is all part of being an adult. Even a small contribution is better than asking for nothing, there would never be any incentive to stand on their own two feet and move out eventually if they get rent/board/food/laundry/hot water all for free?!

I’m sorry but that’s a generalized misconception. I think you’d find that some youngsters would take it all for granted but not all of the youngsters have to learn their life lessons this way.

[countrygirl99]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

I can't understand adults earning a wage who expect their food etc to be funded by someone else.

[EmilyGilmoresSass]

About 15 years ago I had less disposable income than that at her age and I paid £60 a week. Definitely do not back down!

[Cherrysoup]

I'd be asking £100 minimum. How far does she think £75 will go?! Clueless.

[HauntedPencil]

We are in the middle of a cost of living crisis so it shouldn't be beyond anyone's imagination that an adult aged working DC be asked for something towards heating food and those costs and £75 would really only scratch the surface.

[slowquickstep]

£75 a month ! YABVVU it should be £75 a week unless she is putting half he wage into a ISA

[caringcarer]

Your dd needs to learn that rash decisions have consequences. She knew her staff discount was paying towards her keep. Stand firm OP. your dd is getting a bargain, and she knows it.

[RosemaryAndTime]

Well, I don't understand parents who don't ask their adult children to contribute once they are able. I paid a contribution to the household as soon as I was earning and I will expect the same with my children. Learning to budget is an important life skill.