to ask dd to contribute more to the bills?

[namenamename12]

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

[Rhondaa]

'Paying for working adults to live and eat for free isn't a bill...'

They're your kids. Let them save for their future and pay your own bills.

[Irritateandunreasonable]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Because it teaches them about the real world and treats them like an adult when they are no longer a child.

some people also cannot afford to provide for an adult as child maintenance and child benefit will stop.

no one benefits by being babied as an adult.

[x2boys]

@Rhondaa

'Paying for working adults to live and eat for free isn't a bill...'

They're your kids. Let them save for their future and pay your own bills.

If you want to bring your kids up.to.be freeloaders fair enough ,but dont tell.other people what to.do🙄

[00100001]

@Rhondaa

'Paying for working adults to live and eat for free isn't a bill...'

They're your kids. Let them save for their future and pay your own bills.

Adults can pay their way and save for their future ... They're not mutually exclusive...

[00100001]

@Rhondaa

'Paying for working adults to live and eat for free isn't a bill...'

They're your kids. Let them save for their future and pay your own bills.

Again, if you're happy to pay for 3 adults to live for free in your house for possibly decades..
then great, have a medal, you're the best parent ever.

[PollyThePixie]

The last two posts are the perfect example of the extremes on this thread. It’s either people are making money off their children or the parents are raising their children to be free loaders who never leave home. It’s either one thing or they other with very few thoughts in between. I thought people were more intelligent than this and less inclined to ridiculous generalizations.

[Whatafustercluck]

I paid £25 per week 25-30 years ago and when I was taking home £600pm. I'll expect a contribution from mine when they're earning full time and no longer in education. It's part a managed transition into adulthood. Your dd is taking time to decide what she wants to do, which is fine. But unless you put boundaries in place, she could still be 'deciding what to do' in five years time. Before you know it, you've got a fully fledged adult expecting everything on a plate. Life will come as a very hard shock when she does eventually leave. £75 wouldn't even cover food bills if she's eating at home most days.

[Rhondaa]

@00100001

Again, if you're happy to pay for 3 adults to live for free in your house for possibly decades..
then great, have a medal, you're the best parent ever.

You save money once they leave school and college, it's easily £15 a week dinner money they £50 a month bus fare or parking once driving. So that's £120 at least that would compensate for the loss of child benefit.

The point is it wouldn't 'be for decades' they would have savings to then move out.

We should be supporting our dc to save for deposits not grabbing money off them. They pay for their own clothes obviously when working I can't remember the last time I was forking out a fortune for uniforms, shoes trainers, pe kit and going out clothes so it does all balance out. I'm not 'parent of the year' but their futures are more important than paying towards bills that are already being paid. 'Board and lodge' for kids is just crazy do some of you charge relatives when they come and stay or maybe ask for a tenner each for Sunday lunch? You know, teach folk the importance of budgeting .

[DisquietintheRanks]

I've never really understood why adult children can't pay a reasonable contribution towards living costs and save. I mean, there'd be less going out and fewer new clothes or expensive IT but that's life isn't it?

[x2boys]

@Rhondaa

You save money once they leave school and college, it's easily £15 a week dinner money they £50 a month bus fare or parking once driving. So that's £120 at least that would compensate for the loss of child benefit.

The point is it wouldn't 'be for decades' they would have savings to then move out.

We should be supporting our dc to save for deposits not grabbing money off them. They pay for their own clothes obviously when working I can't remember the last time I was forking out a fortune for uniforms, shoes trainers, pe kit and going out clothes so it does all balance out. I'm not 'parent of the year' but their futures are more important than paying towards bills that are already being paid. 'Board and lodge' for kids is just crazy do some of you charge relatives when they come and stay or maybe ask for a tenner each for Sunday lunch? You know, teach folk the importance of budgeting .

Don't be ridiculous,£75 is hardly going to.prevent an adult child from saving up leaving home ,it barely scratched the surface of everyday bills ,not having to.pay any bills however might make adult children want to.stay home for much longer ,I'm not sure why you would equate this to.charging relative ,s money when they come for lunch it's not at all.comparable .

[User639762456]

MN is obsessed with saving for deposits from about 16/18, never see it much in RL though

[whowhatwerewhy]

"You save money once they leave school and college, it's easily £15 a week dinner money they £50 a month bus fare or parking once driving. So that's £120 at least that would compensate for the loss of child benefit "

No sorry I never saved money once mine left education. Both had there child benefit as lunch money and both walked or went the free college bus .

DD went straight to an apprenticeship from school, she walked or paid for the bus and I collected her at night as no busses were running, extra petrol for me .
DS left college and works in retail, but he does late shifts so is now in all day so the heating is sometimes on just for him .
So no money saved in this house.

[RocketIceLollie]

£75 is really not unreasonable. It's just over two quid a day really for electric to power all her gadgets, water, food, heat, etc. I'd put it across to her like that.

[Tourmalines]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

When does it stop ? My son lived at home till he was 30 . He earned more than us . He started work at 18. I never charged rent as such but just a small contribution to living expenses each week . For him to have remained living at home without any sort of contribution would have been absolutely ludicrous.

[Newyearnewmeow]

All these wonderful parents who say they would never charge their adult children to pay towards the household bills so they can save up to move out.
What would you do if your child doesn’t save up but instead uses their wages to go out drinking and buy whatever they fancy whenever they want so end up with zero savings and nothing left at the end of the month?
Would you still support them not paying anything?
Would you be happy to be working and paying all the utilities and for all the food that your precious child eats every day?
There they are pissing their wages up against the wall every month while you are working to pay the bills for the family.

[PurpleBananaSmoothie]

@CrapBucket I’m a bastard because I wanted to go back to work after 6 months of maternity leave, formula fed DD and if the opportunity arose I would definitely leave her with family for a few nights before she turns 21. As I’ve said upthread I didn’t end up paying my mum rent because I moved out. However, we moved to DH’s parents flat. They definitely didn’t need the money but we still paid rent. We were both working and didn’t need subsiding by his parents. We also contributed towards the maintenance of the flat. We were still able to save and buy a house at 27 (now 33), it taught us responsibility and we were financially independent.

DH’s brother on the other hand moved in with his gf and her parents and paid no rent. He’s 31 and pisses money away, hasn’t bought a house and is unlikely to buy a house. He also makes a series of their bad decisions. There is probably more to it than just paying rent to parents (or in-laws) but I don’t think he was ever forced to face adult responsibilities and I don’t think it’s helped him. So even if you didn’t need it, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with charging rent.

[Skybluepinky]

When I started work I paid 1/3 of wages, so sounds like u r under charging her.

[countrygirl99]

@Rhondaa

'Paying for working adults to live and eat for free isn't a bill...'

They're your kids. Let them save for their future and pay your own bills.

Presumably they eat food, use electricity/gas/water? Are they not the adult DCs bills, nit the parents?

[x2boys]

@Newyearnewmeow

All these wonderful parents who say they would never charge their adult children to pay towards the household bills so they can save up to move out.
What would you do if your child doesn’t save up but instead uses their wages to go out drinking and buy whatever they fancy whenever they want so end up with zero savings and nothing left at the end of the month?
Would you still support them not paying anything?
Would you be happy to be working and paying all the utilities and for all the food that your precious child eats every day?
There they are pissing their wages up against the wall every month while you are working to pay the bills for the family.

This is mumsnet land so all the adult children will be working hard in their chosen careers to earn six figures before they are thirty ,they won't be doing anything so common as going out on the piss!😂

[countrygirl99]

@DisquietintheRanks

I've never really understood why adult children can't pay a reasonable contribution towards living costs and save. I mean, there'd be less going out and fewer new clothes or expensive IT but that's life isn't it?

Quite. If they can't save with a £50 a week contri to their own food etc they aren't going to save without one.

[Elmo230885]

@Newyearnewmeow

All these wonderful parents who say they would never charge their adult children to pay towards the household bills so they can save up to move out.
What would you do if your child doesn’t save up but instead uses their wages to go out drinking and buy whatever they fancy whenever they want so end up with zero savings and nothing left at the end of the month?
Would you still support them not paying anything?
Would you be happy to be working and paying all the utilities and for all the food that your precious child eats every day?
There they are pissing their wages up against the wall every month while you are working to pay the bills for the family.

Exactly. My parents did this with my sister. Me and my other sister both went to uni and moved out, bought our own homes etc. My middle sister stayed at home, earned money, spent years & years of money on crap with my parents never asking anything from her. DM kept saying she would then save it to return when she moved out but never did. DSis now is mid 30s and has nothing. When she eventually moved out in her late 20s she had no idea about budgeting and continue to piss her money away ending up in debt. She never pushed herself to work harder for promotion or moved to a new job as she never needed to and could blow all her money on whatever she wanted.

Personally I think taking some money is about respect from the child to the parent. I hope when my children are older that I won't need money from them so will save it up and return it but either way they will be paying something to teach them responsibility and budgeting.

[determinedtomakethiswork]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Oh behave.

[determinedtomakethiswork]

@Devoutspoken

Hcarter8, I agree, I'd rather my kids save their money

But what if they wouldn't be saving the money? And what if the poster cannot afford to keep the now-adult child without them paying something? After all child-support and child benefits end at that age.

[nurseynursery]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

What??

[PinkyFlamingo]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

And theye lies the twadon so many people grow up entitled!