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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
MoltenLasagne · 09/04/2023 08:43

Wow so they added another 50% on to your bill, knowing full well that you were paying for it?!

I predict the fact they're both still in NY together means they'll be both be covering up their joint embarrassment by getting defensive together over breakfast and somehow working out between them that it's your fault.

Possibly they'll justify to themselves that you ought to pay (despite already treating them to lunch) because you earn more than them.

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 08:44

so many people have absolutely no idea how expenses work. So being charitable they may have honestly thought your company would pay.

But point out to them what you have told us here, and tell them to pay you back.
But. Honestly? they won't and the friendship is tainted. But they don't care because they've got their NY trip out of you

MsRosley · 09/04/2023 08:45

I'd send them the link to this thread. Let them see what other people think of your 'unreasonableness'.

And yes, it absolutely should be a friendship ender. These people are completely taking the piss and don't care about the impact on you at all. Vile women.

Prescottdanni123 · 09/04/2023 08:45

If the waiter didn't give them a chance to pay, why wouldn't they call or send a text to you srraight away and explain what had happened and reassure you that they would reimburse you as a result? They were chancing it. TBH, once they had told them the facts, I would have asked for the money back "No worries, these things happen, just transfer me the money"

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 08:45

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 08:44

so many people have absolutely no idea how expenses work. So being charitable they may have honestly thought your company would pay.

But point out to them what you have told us here, and tell them to pay you back.
But. Honestly? they won't and the friendship is tainted. But they don't care because they've got their NY trip out of you

THIS!! I think people think expenses = living it up/drinks 24/7 etc...

So so so many people get this entirely wrong.

OP posts:
Grumpi · 09/04/2023 08:45

I wouldn’t stay friends with people like this. There was no misunderstanding, there’s no excuse. They’ve treated themselves, charged it to you and then lied about it.

Id be asking for the money and then ending the friendships. Cheeky doesn’t even come near.

junebirthdaygirl · 09/04/2023 08:46

I was shocked they weren't worried you might get in trouble with your work having such a massive bill with alcohol involved. If they thought work was paying. But since you made it clear you were paying its totally taking advantage. How they respond when they finally wake up today will tell a lot.

CheersForThatEh · 09/04/2023 08:46

CheersForThatEh · 09/04/2023 08:42

When they explained that they wanted to pay, why did you not just say "cool, heres my bank details, its $140".

Sorry, just saw you did x

Undertheoldlindentree · 09/04/2023 08:47

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/04/2023 07:59

"I KNOW! I was like 😱 as well. Hope the champagne tasted amazing 🤣
My bank details are X. Can you confirm once you've transferred it. Work consider it a personal expense so it comes out of my pay check"

This is absolutely perfect. Just send it, sit back enjoy your weekend, get on with life. If they pay then carry on with the friendships as before. If they don't, then possibly see less of them in the future.

amiold · 09/04/2023 08:48

Even if they thought your company would pay, it's still really cheeky to do that when you're not even there!

You should just say "I was shocked when I realised at check out you had added more to the bill after I left. The company cover the room but I cover the rest, I paid for the food for example. I didn't drink as I was working and even if I could claim expenses for food/drinks I wouldn't be able to submit that itemised bill as it was alcohol and I'd get into trouble as I went into the office afterwards. I've had to pay it now so can you transfer me for the things you had, minus the food which I paid for"

MrsKHunt · 09/04/2023 08:49

Even if your company was paying they are seriously taking the piss and didn't care whether you'd get into bother because of it
Get the money and distance yourself

StaySpicy · 09/04/2023 08:49

I'd be feeling like I owed you after you spent $350 on me for lunch, not then spending more of your money!!

EvenHeathens · 09/04/2023 08:50

YA absolutely NBU. What cfs (not cheeky...) They completely chanced their arm at getting extra drinks out of you - even if the expenses worked the way they think it does, who adds extra desserts and champagne? Even if you're very generous in the way you think about them here, they have still behaved appallingly by not immediately reimbursing you and apologising.

AnotherEmma · 09/04/2023 08:53

I hope they pay you back. If not I guess that's the end of that friendship!

Side note. You stayed in a 5* hotel paid for by your employer, but you had to pay for your own meals (if not meals out with work). I'm not sure I'd be entirely happy with that. Food and drink are clearly expensive at that hotel. I might have preferred a less expensive hotel or an apart hotel so I could make myself something simple or get a takeaway or whatever. Essentially you are committed to buying expensive food and drink at the hotel if you want to stay there.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 09/04/2023 08:54

I think if they thought your company was paying for it then I might consider forgiving them. It is ignorant of them and not good that they didn’t ask but some people seem to think expenses means unlimited expenses.

MistyFrequencies · 09/04/2023 08:54

Cheeky fuckers. Id ditch them.

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 08:55

I used to travel a lot for work, lately part of my job in the accounting team has been approving expenses.

Generally (some companies may vary but most countries have similar rules about this because of tax issues): if you eat alone you pay. There may be more or less Per Diems (daily allowance) available. If you eat with colleagues and can convince the company that you discussed work, then usually you'll be able to expense it. Invite clients? have at it, but there may be limits depending on your/the clients position in the company.

But also. The hotel need to be aware this happened (i wouldn't have paid an invoice without my signature being on it - that's on the hotel).

And even if your friends thought you could expense it (i see they're teachers so may not have experience of expenses) the fact that they drank fucking champagne? no. That is CFery right there. Even if it's a genuine mistake you don't take the piss like this.

Whataretheodds · 09/04/2023 08:55

Yeah, they've chanced their arm (esp as they changed their story about it being charged to the room automatically / then they thought it was expenseable).

PriamFarrl · 09/04/2023 08:55

Very kind of you to pay for their lunch (I’ll be your friend as these two are clearly dreadful friends.

They knew what they were doing and I can’t believe anyone would have the brass neck to do that after you paid for that expensive lunch!

Shoxfordian · 09/04/2023 08:56

I wouldn’t forgive them; you’ve already been generous buying lunch and then they’ve ordered more drinks to charge you. They’re both perfectly capable of telling the waiter that they’ll settle that bill separately even if he had assumed it was on your room so that’s no excuse

ApolloandDaphne · 09/04/2023 08:56

They are CF. You already bought them lunch and they did this. Beggars belief really especially as you already told them you can't claim expenses for food and drink. I hope they are contrite and pay you back.

Mothership4two · 09/04/2023 08:58

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 08:29

I am back in London. Hence my 7:30am post. They are still there and due to come back next week. So I don't expect to hear from them until morning NY time (-5 GMT).

But have already messaged with my bank details. I suspect the response will be telling. I already don't have high hopes - and from previous communication; I can tell they think I am BU. Hence why I posted on here as it was on my mind!

Sounds like they tried to add on these extras as you paid for lunch which was sneaky. There is no mention of splitting the bill. That's really grabby and cheeky. The fact that they are making different excuses now indicates they were well aware.

I would have been direct with them immediately and asked for the money back. There is no need for drama it's quite straightforward. The only ones feeling any awkwardness should be them not you (personally, in their shoes, I would be mortified).

I'm not sure I would want to be friends with people who would do this to me but I certainly wouldn't be paying for any more meals. And if they don't repay, or even if they need chasing up, I would not have anything more to do with them.

RoyGBivisacolorfulman · 09/04/2023 08:58

Next time you meet friends for lunch go to Starbucks,Applebees or a NY deli for bagels. Hotels are bad value for just a meet up.

No room information given if meet elsewhere.

AnotherEmma · 09/04/2023 08:59

"The hotel need to be aware this happened (i wouldn't have paid an invoice without my signature being on it - that's on the hotel)."

I agree with this actually. I would consider making a complaint about the hotel allowing others to charge something to my room without my presence or authorisation.

EggyBreads · 09/04/2023 08:59

This happened to a friend of mine, who was getting married. One of the bridesmaids ordered expensive drinks and put them on the bride's room! I couldn't believe it.