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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpectedly late lunch at friends house, wibu to expect to feed the kids some dinner?

252 replies

SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 06:36

Genuinely not sure if iabu.

Went to a friend's place for lunch on good Friday, 4 families including the host's. 9 kids 3-8yo. It was a seafood lunch, we all brought dishes to share and the host provided lunch for the kids.

Kids ate their hot lunch around 1.30pm. Adults grazed on prawns and chips/dips and for some reason the hosts didn't start cooking the hot parts of our lunch until gone 4pm. The kids were happy playing. We sat down at around 5pm, by that time I was starving (breastfeeding), and half an hour later the kids were all saying they were hungry. The host seemed to either ignore them, or say she'd given them dessert (I.e. stop asking for food, you've had loads), but that was at lunch time and it was coming to dinner time.

Obviously we hadn't come for two meals, but I was surprised she didn't either raise it with us or offer some cheese toasties or something simple. I found some leftover rice from our lunch and offered it to some of the kids but it wasn't enough really. It was clear the host didn't want to feed the kids, but she did want the fun to continue with the adults.

The other parents there didn't seem bothered that their kids were hungry either.

I called time at 7ish when I realised the others were kicking on and the kids wouldn't get fed, so we came home and gave our kids beans on toast, all sorted.

Was ibu to think it was odd not to even acknowledge that the kids needed something for their tea? In that situation I would have rustled up something simple, really to be able to keep on socialising with my mates having kept the kids fed and happy.

What would you have done in this situation? Note that we couldn't have chipped in for a takeaway pizza or anything as it was good Friday and nothing was open.

Interested to hear your thoughts!

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 09/04/2023 06:45

Does your friend have DC? If not she probably thought they would be ok like an adult would. It took me a while to realise that most children do need to eat every 3-4 hours or so!

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 06:48

Yes sorry if that wasn't clear. 8 adults, each couple has at least 2 kids including the host

OP posts:
Igmum · 09/04/2023 06:50

Very odd (and I would have been pretty cross if I'd had my lunch 4 hours late as well). YADNBU

duvetcovereddissident · 09/04/2023 06:52

it isn't simple to "rustle up" something, if you dont have anything in. Sounds like she just expected they would be OK after lunch until they got home

RollingInTheCreek · 09/04/2023 06:55

YANBU that is bizarre! Also not starting ‘lunch’ until 4 would annoy me especially in the hangry bf days!

Londongal123 · 09/04/2023 06:55

I personally would not have expected her to feed my kids dinner too. You all stayed too long and she didn’t want to. Also kids need to learn that it’s okay to be hungry sometimes. It’s not the end of the world. Nobody actually missed dinner they just ate it at home.

BellaJuno · 09/04/2023 06:57

Very odd of the host to invite guests for lunch then serve it at 4pm. But also a bit odd of you to stay until 7pm when you acknowledge you weren’t expecting 2 meals there and you knew your kids were hungry at 5.30. I’d probably have left after I’d eaten my late lunch and fed my kids dinner at home as you’d presumably originally intended.

snitzelvoncrumb · 09/04/2023 06:57

Not unreasonable. Kids get hungry. I have learned the hard way to always pack food for the kids. Too many times restaurants taking 45 minutes to bring food out. Or lunch at my mums where my brother was an hour late and mum didn’t start cooking until he arrived. A box of sandwiches has saved the day many times.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 06:58

Londongal123 · 09/04/2023 06:55

I personally would not have expected her to feed my kids dinner too. You all stayed too long and she didn’t want to. Also kids need to learn that it’s okay to be hungry sometimes. It’s not the end of the world. Nobody actually missed dinner they just ate it at home.

Except the hosts were really keen for everyone to stay, cracking open more drinks, so there was no sense of it being a cue to leave. The others stayed late so their kids did actually miss dinner!

OP posts:
Newname221 · 09/04/2023 06:58

duvetcovereddissident · 09/04/2023 06:52

it isn't simple to "rustle up" something, if you dont have anything in. Sounds like she just expected they would be OK after lunch until they got home

This.

I’m always surprised at my friends kinda being quite inflexible with mealtimes. For example, they always eat at 12:00; and get cranky if lunch is say at 12:30.

I’ve got two kids; but we aren’t the kind of family who eat at the same time - breakfast could range between 7am and 10am, lunch from 12-3, and dinner from 4-9.

The one year old might need an apple or something in between; but that’s about it.

Although put my 7 year old in a group of kids and she will ask for food along with the others.

I always take snacks foods when I’m going to my friends houses with kids though, enough for them all to get some (a fruit platter, some crisps, and a wee bit chocolate each or similar)

electriclight · 09/04/2023 06:59

I think the plan fell apart when they fed the adults so late. If you were all invited for lunch at 1:30, you knew that you were invited for one meal and were expected to leave before dinner. But by feeding the adults their hot food so late they essentially created a situation whereby the adults were eating while the kids watched on, hungry because they ate 3-4 hours ago. If that was intentional YANBU and it was a poor plan. If the adults ate late because something unforeseen happened then that is more understandable. Depending on age, mine would have been ok with an explanation and some dessert or crisps to keep them going until we went home.

Standbyguest · 09/04/2023 07:00

Could you have said 'mind if I rustle up a few sandwiches for the kids?' Host was probably fed up of cooking and wanted to enjoy the company.

DiscoBeat · 09/04/2023 07:01

I think they invited you for a leisurely lunch but were clumsy about making sure it didn't spill over into the evening, assuming you'd leave before then. That said, I would have said 'would you like me to make the children a sandwich/hot dogs/cheese on toast before you leave' or something like that.

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/04/2023 07:01

Bizarre behaviour by hostvand your other friends.

Hosting for 8 can be expensive. We are part of a similar group of 8 but this isnt on.
They 100% should have thrown something together.

I or DH would gone to the shops and bought something for all the children. If not i would have directly asked the host and if declined my DH would have given our children his dinner as i was BF (otherwise we'd both give DC half our food)

Next time bring substantial snacks and only sort your own kids out.

Mindymomo · 09/04/2023 07:01

My 2 DS’s were ravenous as children, so would definitely need feeding both lunch and dinner over that time. Also lunch for adults at 4/5 pm isn’t lunch in my book, that’s early dinner. I don’t think your host prepared herself enough, feeding 18/19 people is a lot of food.

VioletPickles · 09/04/2023 07:02

Could you have suggested ‘rustling’ up something for the dc? Or perhaps her children are used to eating late so she didn’t realise?

Youdoyoubabe · 09/04/2023 07:06

I would have thrown scraps at the kids and sent them packing until I was ready to leave. Then I would have given them some late supper at home before bed like soup or porridge.

I think a late lunch followed by a late dinner is ok. The kids would be fine. The hosts had cooked up a storm and were kicking back with the wine.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:07

electriclight · 09/04/2023 06:59

I think the plan fell apart when they fed the adults so late. If you were all invited for lunch at 1:30, you knew that you were invited for one meal and were expected to leave before dinner. But by feeding the adults their hot food so late they essentially created a situation whereby the adults were eating while the kids watched on, hungry because they ate 3-4 hours ago. If that was intentional YANBU and it was a poor plan. If the adults ate late because something unforeseen happened then that is more understandable. Depending on age, mine would have been ok with an explanation and some dessert or crisps to keep them going until we went home.

Yes you're right i think the plan fell apart and timings went out the window. Possibly because the cook was (understandably!) eating prawns and having a drink with his mates. But finding ourselves in that situation with kids all saying they were hungry, I'd probably feed them or at least talk to the other parents about it? I felt it would be overstepping to suggest we find something to give them as it wasn't my house (they had loads of food in, really not my business but in answer to pp about them not being able to rustle anything up), but it was clear it wasn't being entertained as an option.

They're very hospitable usually, and we often feed each other's kids on a whim or when catch ups go on longer than expected so I think that's why it surprised me.

OP posts:
dew141 · 09/04/2023 07:08

It's a close one but, on balance, I think YABU.

They shouldn't have served lunch so late but, when I host, I sometimes feel I'm not able to enjoy even a 20 minute peaceful chat with my friends. You serve two lunches and then there's a stream of kids wanting food (often not having eaten their main course) so your bottom never hits the seat.

She didn't want to get into making tea for the kids after everyone had already been fed. Even sandwiches. That said, I would probably have offered them if I wanted people to stay on but wouldn't have expected them as a guest.

Phoebo · 09/04/2023 07:08

I'm confused, if you went for lunch (and had lunch) why did you stay and expect dinner? Have I missed something?

Oneborneverydecade · 09/04/2023 07:08

Youdoyoubabe · 09/04/2023 07:06

I would have thrown scraps at the kids and sent them packing until I was ready to leave. Then I would have given them some late supper at home before bed like soup or porridge.

I think a late lunch followed by a late dinner is ok. The kids would be fine. The hosts had cooked up a storm and were kicking back with the wine.

But the kids didn't eat a late lunch? Mine would be hungry again before 7pm if they ate at 1.30pm.

YANBU OP

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:13

Phoebo · 09/04/2023 07:08

I'm confused, if you went for lunch (and had lunch) why did you stay and expect dinner? Have I missed something?

We arrived at midday for lunch, kids ate lunch, we ended up eating "lunch" at 5pm, so it led to the kids being hungry for tea while the adults were going strong on the wine. So we stayed as it was still very much in full swing, until I realised my kids needed dinner and it wasn't happening at theirs! I definitely didn't plan on staying that late, but didn't expect to eat our lunch at that time..!

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/04/2023 07:14

My two (9 and 2) usually eat at between 12 and 2 for lunch and then 5:30 and 7 for dinner (depending on when lunch was) but usually need a snack half way through. If I was at a friend’s house for lunch, I would bring snacks for the kids (all involved, not just mine) too in case they got hungry. I wouldn’t expect the host to sort that as well as lunch.

Overall, I think YABU to expect dinner when you were invited for lunch and you could have left to feed your children.

Summerslimtime · 09/04/2023 07:16

This used to happen all the time. Day was going well and went on into the evening. We'd always just bang chicken nuggets and chips in the oven.

Sceptre86 · 09/04/2023 07:17

I'd have left around my kids dinner time even if the party was still going on. My older two are 5 and 7 and if they ate lunch at 1.30pm which would be late for them would want dinner between 6-7pm at least. I know mumsnet hates the whole snacking culture but this kind of scenario is why I always have something in my back that will tide the kids over till we get home for dinner. I also wouldn't have wanted to eat my main lunch at 4pm I would have been starving by then. If this is unusual put it down to the host letting time run away with them. Next time avoid a lunch party and suggest dinner instead.