Unexpectedly late lunch at friends house, wibu to expect to feed the kids some dinner?

[SquigglyGum]

Genuinely not sure if iabu.

Went to a friend's place for lunch on good Friday, 4 families including the host's. 9 kids 3-8yo. It was a seafood lunch, we all brought dishes to share and the host provided lunch for the kids.

Kids ate their hot lunch around 1.30pm. Adults grazed on prawns and chips/dips and for some reason the hosts didn't start cooking the hot parts of our lunch until gone 4pm. The kids were happy playing. We sat down at around 5pm, by that time I was starving (breastfeeding), and half an hour later the kids were all saying they were hungry. The host seemed to either ignore them, or say she'd given them dessert (I.e. stop asking for food, you've had loads), but that was at lunch time and it was coming to dinner time.

Obviously we hadn't come for two meals, but I was surprised she didn't either raise it with us or offer some cheese toasties or something simple. I found some leftover rice from our lunch and offered it to some of the kids but it wasn't enough really. It was clear the host didn't want to feed the kids, but she did want the fun to continue with the adults.

The other parents there didn't seem bothered that their kids were hungry either.

I called time at 7ish when I realised the others were kicking on and the kids wouldn't get fed, so we came home and gave our kids beans on toast, all sorted.

Was ibu to think it was odd not to even acknowledge that the kids needed something for their tea? In that situation I would have rustled up something simple, really to be able to keep on socialising with my mates having kept the kids fed and happy.

What would you have done in this situation? Note that we couldn't have chipped in for a takeaway pizza or anything as it was good Friday and nothing was open.

Interested to hear your thoughts!

The hosts were opening bottles of wine and fizz, topping up drinks, definitely not happy smiling wishing us all away.

I wasn't hungry. The kids were. And coming to whinge at us every 5 minutes to tell us so! So at the very least it was getting in the way of the adult fun.

We'd finished eating by the time the kids came in telling us they were "staaaaarving".

100% this

Never fails to amaze me on Mumsnet that people have friends and then can't seem to have a conversation

OP "may I make some toast or a sandwich for the kids"

Host "yes sure"

Why not do this, sounds like you were all having a good time having wine and grazing. The host would probably think woops and be grateful you're sorting it out (assuming she didn't want you to all leave, but doesn't sound like it if the drinks were still being poured).

It doesn’t remotely sound like that! This is one of those classic responses where someone just wants to be argumentative.

The host didn’t serve “lunch” until late afternoon. No one goes for lunch and then leaves the moment they’ve finished eating, that would be really weird. We also know the host was cracking open bottles of wine and encouraging the adults to keep drinking.

So, where exactly does that indicate they outstayed their welcome?

I was standing next to her when her own kids and mine said "mum we're hungry" and she replied that they'd eaten loads. Literally shut it down. It wasn't really an option to turn around and say "so can I feed them?".

I don't see why the kids couldn't eat the "adult" food. Surely they could've had a few prawns and rice, a few olives or grapes etc. I don't get the separate food for adults and kids thing some people do.
I think the host probably thought you'd all go home and feed your kids their evening meal but you all out stayed your welcome.
Tbh I think you're being unfair and rude to the host. She was kind enough to feed you all and provide wine but you moan about it being late and seem to think you were there for TWO meals! You're embarrassed that you out stayed your welcome.
Take emergency rations next time you go.

I agree, they should have thrown something together for the kids. It’s hard as hosts if you feel like you’re cooking constantly but they messed up with the timing.

Exactly. Some people have weird relationships with their friends and family! On here anyway!!

Forget the kids, I'd have been raging at just grazing on prawns until almost 5pm.

Mind you, I'm pregnant, and still smarting from a wedding I attended a few days ago where they trapped us in the middle of nowhere for twelve hours and only fed us once.

Did you read that we all contributed to food and booze?

There was no more adult food to eat by that stage. Except the leftover rice i did offer some of them.

@MrsMikeDrop absolutely 😄

Either that or I'm just forthright with my friends

I totally agree with this. Kids will always come sharking around to see what else is on offer, so after they’d been fed, the host had cooked more for all the adults they didn’t want to be back feeding the kids.

I always take a bag of snacks because our social circle gets like this, the adults have a few drinks, time gets away from us and we eat later than intended. So I can give mine some rice cakes or a fruit bar from my bag. I’d have asked if i can make some toast for them.

as an aside, I find it really bizarre all the people saying that they’d be “cross” if their lunch was served late. It’s a relaxed day with friends, not a timed seating in a restaurant. The host had provided snacks, you won’t starve if lunch is a few hours late because everyone is having a fun time.

Lol that is much much worse!! We had a really lovely meal in the end.

Why not just say, I think so and so might need something as it's past their dinner time, mind if I make a sandwich. Unless she wanted you to leave and that was the hint. She prob had just had too many wines. Nicely, I think you're making a big deal out of nothing and should just lighten up. They are your friends afterall, surely you know if she'll care or not of you make a sandwich?? If she does probably time to get new friends. It really doesn't sound like it though as it sounds like the drinks kept coming.

It's never going to be a happy social gathering if the children are ignored and left to go hungry. It sounds like the drink took over and the hosts didn't think that the children were going from lunch to teatime which is effectively what the adult food had become.

The arrangement I hate is when the host asks you to come part-way through lunch time... forgetting that you're travelling from late morning, do themselves an early lunch while you're halfway down a motorway and don't provide food until tea time.

They didn't outstay their welcome, don't make things up. The host was cracking open more bottles encouraging people to stay. That's not a sign of wanting people to leave.

I think I'd have suggested that you all ordered some pizzas for the kids to share. I can see both sides so a "neither of YABU" from me.

Oh, my BIL and SIL are like this with big occasion cooking! (Minus the booze). Big complex meal at an odd time of day (neither lunch nor dinner) and plan is always unclear. I do think it's a bit rude to keep people waiting hours for food.

I reckon your friend was well aware the timings had unravelled and just chose to ignore it and/or likes boozing a little too much. Maybe you didn't notice that till this occasion when you presumably couldn't drink?

Do places like Domino's really close for Good Friday?

Weird of the hosts! We've been in a similar situation a few times - had a bbq and everyone still having fun but getting towards dinner time for children. I always offer something easy for the kids before guests leave (beans/cheese on toast, pasta etc).

Perhaps you could've saved some food for the kids or brought extra food.....?
Kids always whinge about something, OP, if they're not hungry they're bored. It won't have done them any harm. Chalk it down as a lesson learned.

I agree this was a bit odd, but I'm not sure why "she" is getting all the blame for this? Am I right in thinking the hosts are a couple, so the male half of the couple could equally have done something about the situation?

I think i said up thread that it's not the biggest deal, and that i was interested in people's opinions as dh and I were confused about it. I've been replying mainly with what happened so as to clear up the uncertainty as I sit breastfeeding with nothing else to do! Isnt that was aibu is for?

Either that or "how dare you inconveniently get in the way of my Sunday supplement idea of how today was going to be with your inconvenient need to be fed at tea time."

It is slightly worrying and I'd want to know if the kids often get brushed off like that.

there should have been quite a few bits and bobs left over from all the families bringing something. If not I’d have grabbed some pizzas from the local shop and cooked them up for all the kids. The host seemed quite busy cooking