Unexpectedly late lunch at friends house, wibu to expect to feed the kids some dinner?

[SquigglyGum]

Genuinely not sure if iabu.

Went to a friend's place for lunch on good Friday, 4 families including the host's. 9 kids 3-8yo. It was a seafood lunch, we all brought dishes to share and the host provided lunch for the kids.

Kids ate their hot lunch around 1.30pm. Adults grazed on prawns and chips/dips and for some reason the hosts didn't start cooking the hot parts of our lunch until gone 4pm. The kids were happy playing. We sat down at around 5pm, by that time I was starving (breastfeeding), and half an hour later the kids were all saying they were hungry. The host seemed to either ignore them, or say she'd given them dessert (I.e. stop asking for food, you've had loads), but that was at lunch time and it was coming to dinner time.

Obviously we hadn't come for two meals, but I was surprised she didn't either raise it with us or offer some cheese toasties or something simple. I found some leftover rice from our lunch and offered it to some of the kids but it wasn't enough really. It was clear the host didn't want to feed the kids, but she did want the fun to continue with the adults.

The other parents there didn't seem bothered that their kids were hungry either.

I called time at 7ish when I realised the others were kicking on and the kids wouldn't get fed, so we came home and gave our kids beans on toast, all sorted.

Was ibu to think it was odd not to even acknowledge that the kids needed something for their tea? In that situation I would have rustled up something simple, really to be able to keep on socialising with my mates having kept the kids fed and happy.

What would you have done in this situation? Note that we couldn't have chipped in for a takeaway pizza or anything as it was good Friday and nothing was open.

Interested to hear your thoughts!

It sounds like the host wanted to enjoy a few drinks before eating. The late lunch wouldn’t bother me as I would have been happy to have a few drinks first. But if I wanted people to stay I would have laid on some food for the kids in the evening.

I can't believe people are saying OP and friends outstayed their welcome!

The host didn't feed the adults lunch until 4.30/5pm and was sill bringing drinks out when the OP left.

It sounds like some of the adults there, including the host, wanted to have a boozy adults afternoon like they did before having children.

The idea children should be happy going from 1.30-7pm without any food is awful.

Sounds like the hosts were more interested in enjoying a drink with adult company?

I find it really odd on MN that people seem to have high expectations of perfect hosting from parents and friends, to the same standard as if they were paying for it

people on this thread saying they’d be furious / cross / very angry at being served lunch late particularly if BF / pregnant etc. if you’re that sensitive to lunch being served a few hours either way then have a snack or take something just in case

there is a huge difference in actual “crap” hosting and then just not doing it the way you would.

id be really upset if I’d gone to the hassle of hosting, it hasn’t gone exactly the way I planned then my guests were slagging me off about it

not specifically the OP - but some of the comments on MN (usually about in laws serving small portions) and particularly on this thread around neglect are awful

I’d have ordered pizza for them. But that does sound like the sort of afternoon that would pan out only with the couples I know really well!

Ah pressed too soon!

I wouldn’t host unless I had plenty of snacks etc in for the children, and would definitely have sorted them snacks when adults were sitting down to the hot part of their meal.

My friends would have probably made their kids the beans on toast at my house actually…!

Well said

Im surprised at some of the responses on here. Your friends were rude. Inviting you for lunch and feeding the kids at lunchtime but giving you the main part of your lunch at 5 then wanting you all to stay late but without letting the kids have any tea. Weird.

YANBU. But Im that person that always has chicken nuggets& chips in freezer in case I unexpectedly have to feed children. Even get them some toast or crackers or fruit or something.

Yes you're right, I guess starting a thread means it's bothered you enough to do that, and then a few responses about surely you'd be bad if you made a snack. But it's also probably some of the other posters clouding my judgement too! 🙂

Definitely Not unreasonable.

I’ve been in the situation before and said my kids need feeding, depending on the situation I’ve either asked for toast or once I just started ordering McDonald’s and all the other parents joined in. To be fair I tend to always carry plenty of snacks with me for this reason. Some people are extremely tight when it comes to feeding kids. I remember once going somewhere where the kids were fed a slice of pizza at 12 & the parents were shocked my kids were starving come 5pm as they had eaten a whole slice of pizza each 🤔

I had a play date on Good Friday, was due to start at 11, no mention of lunch, I just assumed since I was inviting children over around lunch time I’d be feeding them. The play date was still going come 5pm & adults were feeling like an impromptu wine was in order, guess what, I fed all the children again. There is no way I’d host people in my house, especially children without feeding them.

I always pack five fishes and a couple of loaves 'just in case' for this sort of thing.

(It seems to go a long way, and no-one goes home hungry.)

I completely agree! @SquigglyGum would you be happy if one of your friends posted about you on an online forum?

This is perfect for the daily Mail. Hope you've changed enough details that they don't recognise themselves here

YANBU and I'm genuinely surprised by all the people saying you are, and that you have high expectations.

1.30pm - 6.30pm is a long time to expect children to go without food. If, as the host, you mess up your timings to the point that half your guests don't get fed until gone 4pm, you still have a responsibility to make sure the younger guests are happy too.

If you don't want to cook anything else, which is fair enough, then at least offer the use of your kitchen so the parents can make sandwiches, or offer the number of a local takeaway so the kids can have some pizza.

Am I the only one who is puzzled as to why the children did not eat with the adults when 'lunch' was eventually served at 5 pm ?

And why did only the adults 'graze' on finger food throughout the afternoon?

I don't get this whole concept of feeding adults and children separately.

Was it a buffet style thing? Maybe if it wasn’t a sit down lunch and there was stuff to ‘graze’ on all afternoon, the hosts assumed the kids would just help themselves if hungry, and have some of the main event food when it was put out at 4?

But it is neglectful not to feed your children dinner because you’re having a lovely time, especially when said children are telling you they’re hungry AND when you’ve had wine/ crisps/ prawns all day then a meal around children’s lunch time.

Thats not saying that the children are neglected in general, but just that this incident was not exactly stellar parenting.

All the ‘oh the kids would have been fine, they always moan about something, they need to learn it’s ok to go hungry occasionally’ is really bizarre. It’s one thing to say children don’t need constant snacks, but quite another to say that ‘sometimes the grown ups will be too busy getting pissed with their mates to give you your dinner and you just have to suck that up sorry’ is some kind of admirable lesson for children as young as 3 to learn is fucked up.

It’s not even the incident itself - I can see how it happened and whilst it’s not ideal, it was maybe a one off. It’s just that there’s so many posters trying to imply that it’s absolutely fine - desirable even - to not give your children dinner sometimes. Even when they’re coming to tell you they’re hungry and you’re in a kitchen full of food, they should just suck it up because these things happen and grown ups are drinking. Not just the hosts, but the guests who decided till 8pm/ later knowing their children hadn’t been fed.

(I grew up in a house where these things happened a lot, which is maybe why I’m more sensitive - but I find it such an odd message).

Everywhere closed on Good Friday? Do you live on the moon?

You're puzzled as to why a 3 year old didn't wait til 5pm to eat lunch? Have you ever met a 3 year old?

I think the poster meant as well as the meal the kids had at 1.30.

The bit you’ve not really answered clearly is why you didn’t leave once you’d been fed and you realised the hosts weren’t going to give another meal to your hungry kids? That’s on you OP, you decided to stay once your late lunch was eaten.

Bizarre. They obviously got carried away drinking and didn't serve food when planned. To be honest, if I was invited for lunch and didn't eat until 5 I'd be a bit bemused, and I'm someone who tends to eat later than others. Not to serve kids anything for several hours is unreasonable. There must have been something they could eat in the house, even a sandwich or a few biscuits.

Why didn't you offer to go get the kids McDonald's as a treat

You did the right thing in leaving.

Whatever about the late lunch and wine, I would feel deeply uncomfortable hearing children say they were hungry and being ignored by their parents

Not a situation I would stay in but fortunately haven't found myself ever in it.

Many times friends have come over and stayed later because the children were having fun.

It really isn't difficult to throw on pasta with tuna and sweetcorn, lots of toasties or some other filling food so that children aren't neglected.

I realise I have always been a bit precious with my children eating properly and fortunately none of my friends are the type that would ignore a small child saying they are hungry.

We would be the type that would sort the children out quickly.

Children have small stomachs so they need refilling.

Sitting around drinking wine while ignoring children telling you they are hungry is really distasteful IMO.

But I understand many may not agree.

Regardless of the timings, you must have known that being there from before 1pm and still being there at 7pm would involve your kids needing to eat again. You obviously expected your kids to be fed again. We were in a friend's on good Friday and all ordered take away, are you sure nothing was open?