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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpectedly late lunch at friends house, wibu to expect to feed the kids some dinner?

252 replies

SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 06:36

Genuinely not sure if iabu.

Went to a friend's place for lunch on good Friday, 4 families including the host's. 9 kids 3-8yo. It was a seafood lunch, we all brought dishes to share and the host provided lunch for the kids.

Kids ate their hot lunch around 1.30pm. Adults grazed on prawns and chips/dips and for some reason the hosts didn't start cooking the hot parts of our lunch until gone 4pm. The kids were happy playing. We sat down at around 5pm, by that time I was starving (breastfeeding), and half an hour later the kids were all saying they were hungry. The host seemed to either ignore them, or say she'd given them dessert (I.e. stop asking for food, you've had loads), but that was at lunch time and it was coming to dinner time.

Obviously we hadn't come for two meals, but I was surprised she didn't either raise it with us or offer some cheese toasties or something simple. I found some leftover rice from our lunch and offered it to some of the kids but it wasn't enough really. It was clear the host didn't want to feed the kids, but she did want the fun to continue with the adults.

The other parents there didn't seem bothered that their kids were hungry either.

I called time at 7ish when I realised the others were kicking on and the kids wouldn't get fed, so we came home and gave our kids beans on toast, all sorted.

Was ibu to think it was odd not to even acknowledge that the kids needed something for their tea? In that situation I would have rustled up something simple, really to be able to keep on socialising with my mates having kept the kids fed and happy.

What would you have done in this situation? Note that we couldn't have chipped in for a takeaway pizza or anything as it was good Friday and nothing was open.

Interested to hear your thoughts!

OP posts:
IhearyouClemFandango · 09/04/2023 08:01

Since when have kids been happy eating at 1330 and then that's it?! Do they not have dinner in their house, or were the parents too pissed to care?

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 08:01

YellowGreenBlue · 09/04/2023 07:58

I agree this was a bit odd, but I'm not sure why "she" is getting all the blame for this? Am I right in thinking the hosts are a couple, so the male half of the couple could equally have done something about the situation?

Yep a fair point. I guess it was the wife who was there making it clear kids weren't getting anything more. It would be a bit odd for me to then ask her dh, don't you think?

OP posts:
Sodd · 09/04/2023 08:02

if it was me and my friends we would have just whipped something up quickly for the kids in the host house, aware that timings were out and the host was busy

WonderingWanda · 09/04/2023 08:02

It sounds like their original plan was to host a lunch but the hosts got a but carried away with drinking and socialising so it all ran late. Then they fancied more drinking and socialising but with no plan for feeding the the kids which is a bit crap really. They would have been better off saying come mid afternoon and we'll do tea. And I'm sure if they'd said come for the whole day and stay the evening you would've expected two meals.

BakewellGin1 · 09/04/2023 08:03

They are unreasonable. If you are not going to feed your adult guests until around 4 hours after children have been fed then you need to cater for children again. It's not hard. A few frozen pizzas, ham sandwiches, Nuggets and Fries would have done it easily.

Newname221 · 09/04/2023 08:04

JMSA · 09/04/2023 07:58

Do places like Domino's really close for Good Friday?

Nowhere near me did. The queue for the chippy was huge too. Even small, family owned places were open.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/04/2023 08:04

Where are you that everything was shut on Good Friday? Today lots of things are shut but not corner shops or all pizza places. My dc were fairly flexible and also I always had a stash of rice cakes in my bag at that age. It does sound a little rude though of the hosts.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 08:05

It is odd, who eats lunch at gone 4pm?
I would expect to feed the children something at 5ish by then.
I find it a bit scrooge like of them if all the children were saying they were hungry.

Next time take a pack up I suppose.

Rosula · 09/04/2023 08:06

Londongal123 · 09/04/2023 06:55

I personally would not have expected her to feed my kids dinner too. You all stayed too long and she didn’t want to. Also kids need to learn that it’s okay to be hungry sometimes. It’s not the end of the world. Nobody actually missed dinner they just ate it at home.

How did they stay too long if lunch wasn't served till 5 pm?

TakeMe2Insanity · 09/04/2023 08:06

I’d definitely expect them to put on something for the kids given it had got so late even pulling out cereal/toast would have been reasonable.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 08:07

It is odd, who eats lunch at gone 4pm?
I would expect to feed the children something at 5ish by then.
I find it a bit scrooge like of them if all the children were saying they were hungry.

Next time take a pack up I suppose.

hopsalong · 09/04/2023 08:07

Sounds as if too much wine was consumed, host got pissed, put off or forgot about cooking.

Sometimes these things happen. I'd stop overthinking it.

YellowGreenBlue · 09/04/2023 08:08

SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 08:01

Yep a fair point. I guess it was the wife who was there making it clear kids weren't getting anything more. It would be a bit odd for me to then ask her dh, don't you think?

Show quote history

It's just that every time there is a post like this it is feeding everyday sexism.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 08:08

Newname221 · 09/04/2023 08:04

Nowhere near me did. The queue for the chippy was huge too. Even small, family owned places were open.

Show quote history

The few takeaway places around here were all shut.

OP posts:
PoBaFla · 09/04/2023 08:10

I think the hosts were quite rude to invite you for lunchtime but actually give you said lunch at 5 pm!

Part of the role of hosting is being in charge of cooking, keeping an eye on timings etc and making sure the day goes to plan. Not spending the whole afternoon having prawns and wine and forgetting to feed your guests the lunch you'd invited them for

SecretSwirrel · 09/04/2023 08:11

It does sound like v controlling behaviour not to mention neglectful. She didn’t feed the adults lunch until 4/5pm. If the kids were hungry she could have given them anything.

Rosula · 09/04/2023 08:11

I think a late lunch followed by a late dinner is ok. The kids would be fine. The hosts had cooked up a storm and were kicking back with the wine.

How did they cook up a storm when all the guests contributed dishes?

YukoandHiro · 09/04/2023 08:11

I always carry endless snacks/tupperwares of sandwiches for the kids when out and about especially when visiting others to avoid exactly this kind of irate toddler situation

alyceflowers · 09/04/2023 08:13

They had a late lunch and crisps to graze on so I wouldn't have expected another meal before leaving at 7.

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 08:15

Yerroblemom1923 · 09/04/2023 07:58

Perhaps you could've saved some food for the kids or brought extra food.....?
Kids always whinge about something, OP, if they're not hungry they're bored. It won't have done them any harm. Chalk it down as a lesson learned.

There's always one 🙄
do you get a kick out of being contrary or something?

lap90 · 09/04/2023 08:16

If i was invited somewhere for lunch, i'd have expected to eat earlier than 5.

In our house we would have of course offered something on the mention of anyone being hungry (or even before it gets to that stage).

With that said, being invited to lunch somewhere and staying from 12 - 7pm in someone's home is a long time. I'm surprised you didn't leave soon after you ate and at the mention of your kids being hungry and the host not obviously wanting to feed them.

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 08:17

alyceflowers · 09/04/2023 08:13

They had a late lunch and crisps to graze on so I wouldn't have expected another meal before leaving at 7.

The kids didn't have a late lunch or crisps. Have you even read the OP's posts?

ShirleyPhallus · 09/04/2023 08:17

SecretSwirrel · 09/04/2023 08:11

It does sound like v controlling behaviour not to mention neglectful. She didn’t feed the adults lunch until 4/5pm. If the kids were hungry she could have given them anything.

Premium MN comment

neglectful?! No.

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 08:17

lap90 · 09/04/2023 08:16

If i was invited somewhere for lunch, i'd have expected to eat earlier than 5.

In our house we would have of course offered something on the mention of anyone being hungry (or even before it gets to that stage).

With that said, being invited to lunch somewhere and staying from 12 - 7pm in someone's home is a long time. I'm surprised you didn't leave soon after you ate and at the mention of your kids being hungry and the host not obviously wanting to feed them.

They did!!
but the hosts clearly wanted to continue socialising and she said they felt rude leaving when they did.

Rosula · 09/04/2023 08:18

Yerroblemom1923 · 09/04/2023 07:49

I don't see why the kids couldn't eat the "adult" food. Surely they could've had a few prawns and rice, a few olives or grapes etc. I don't get the separate food for adults and kids thing some people do.
I think the host probably thought you'd all go home and feed your kids their evening meal but you all out stayed your welcome.
Tbh I think you're being unfair and rude to the host. She was kind enough to feed you all and provide wine but you moan about it being late and seem to think you were there for TWO meals! You're embarrassed that you out stayed your welcome.
Take emergency rations next time you go.

How can anyone with basic comprehension skills write this? The host didn't feed them all, the guests brought dishes, and it's clear that no-one outstayed their welcome, as the hosts were pressing them to stay.

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