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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpectedly late lunch at friends house, wibu to expect to feed the kids some dinner?

252 replies

SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 06:36

Genuinely not sure if iabu.

Went to a friend's place for lunch on good Friday, 4 families including the host's. 9 kids 3-8yo. It was a seafood lunch, we all brought dishes to share and the host provided lunch for the kids.

Kids ate their hot lunch around 1.30pm. Adults grazed on prawns and chips/dips and for some reason the hosts didn't start cooking the hot parts of our lunch until gone 4pm. The kids were happy playing. We sat down at around 5pm, by that time I was starving (breastfeeding), and half an hour later the kids were all saying they were hungry. The host seemed to either ignore them, or say she'd given them dessert (I.e. stop asking for food, you've had loads), but that was at lunch time and it was coming to dinner time.

Obviously we hadn't come for two meals, but I was surprised she didn't either raise it with us or offer some cheese toasties or something simple. I found some leftover rice from our lunch and offered it to some of the kids but it wasn't enough really. It was clear the host didn't want to feed the kids, but she did want the fun to continue with the adults.

The other parents there didn't seem bothered that their kids were hungry either.

I called time at 7ish when I realised the others were kicking on and the kids wouldn't get fed, so we came home and gave our kids beans on toast, all sorted.

Was ibu to think it was odd not to even acknowledge that the kids needed something for their tea? In that situation I would have rustled up something simple, really to be able to keep on socialising with my mates having kept the kids fed and happy.

What would you have done in this situation? Note that we couldn't have chipped in for a takeaway pizza or anything as it was good Friday and nothing was open.

Interested to hear your thoughts!

OP posts:
Businessflake · 09/04/2023 07:17

Phoebo · 09/04/2023 07:08

I'm confused, if you went for lunch (and had lunch) why did you stay and expect dinner? Have I missed something?

Yes. Read again.

OP sounds like the host wanted to host in the way they would have done pre kids. Mine would have been very hangry by 7pm if they’d eaten at 1.30pm. I probably would have called time on it when I’d finished eating “lunch” (I don’t think you said what time that was).

WaltzingWaters · 09/04/2023 07:20

Yeah I’d have been pretty annoyed by that. Firstly annoyed at being invited for lunch and not having lunch til 4:30 myself. I’d have been starving!!
but yeah, kids (especially in the age range you’ve said they are) had lunch at lunch time and generally need feeding again by 5-6pm. And as you say it was bank hol so couldn’t just pop to the shops. The whole plan seems messed up. And that’s fine, if you were all having fun keep the fun going,, but kids need feeding, surely there was something that could have been rustled up. More fun can be had without kids complaining they’re hungry every 5 mins! Strange none of the other parents seemed to care!

AliasGrape · 09/04/2023 07:22

Im finding a lot of the responses a bit strange.

Of course it’s unreasonable to expect a load of kids to go without dinner because the adults are enjoying the wine? In what world is that ok? Is it because the mention of ‘seafood’ and wine makes it sound all middle class and naice so it’s fine for those parents to forget to feed their children? Or is it the old mumsnet undereaters who don’t need lunch and dinner so nobody else, including 3 year olds, should need that either?

Because in the real world, if you feed your kids lunch at 1.30, they will need feeding again by 7pm (significantly before in my DC’s case) and it’s really shitty parenting to ignore that because you’re having a lovely time drinking with your mates.

So yeah, if the hosts wanted to organise it so the kids ate at lunch time and then not again after that, and the parents ate lunch at 5pm (after also grazing on prawns all afternoon so actually sounds like the adults were better catered for all round) then they were being unreasonable. But so are the guests that just went with it and didn’t either suggest the children get dinner, or leave when it was clear there wouldn’t be any.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:22

Sceptre86 · 09/04/2023 07:17

I'd have left around my kids dinner time even if the party was still going on. My older two are 5 and 7 and if they ate lunch at 1.30pm which would be late for them would want dinner between 6-7pm at least. I know mumsnet hates the whole snacking culture but this kind of scenario is why I always have something in my back that will tide the kids over till we get home for dinner. I also wouldn't have wanted to eat my main lunch at 4pm I would have been starving by then. If this is unusual put it down to the host letting time run away with them. Next time avoid a lunch party and suggest dinner instead.

Yeah it was strange, as we were clearly leaving early and I felt a bit rude to head off tbh. If I'd only brought snacks for my kids, I'd have had to share those with the other kids who were all complaining too as I wouldn't feel ok with only feeding my own kids.

Obviously this isn't a huge deal in the scheme of things and it won't affect our friendship, but it's interesting to see what others think about the situation as dh and I were both a bit confused that only we were keen to feed the kids!

OP posts:
thegrain · 09/04/2023 07:23

Adults grazed on prawns and chips/dips and for some reason the hosts didn't start cooking the hot parts of our lunch until gone 4pm really weird.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:23

WaltzingWaters · 09/04/2023 07:20

Yeah I’d have been pretty annoyed by that. Firstly annoyed at being invited for lunch and not having lunch til 4:30 myself. I’d have been starving!!
but yeah, kids (especially in the age range you’ve said they are) had lunch at lunch time and generally need feeding again by 5-6pm. And as you say it was bank hol so couldn’t just pop to the shops. The whole plan seems messed up. And that’s fine, if you were all having fun keep the fun going,, but kids need feeding, surely there was something that could have been rustled up. More fun can be had without kids complaining they’re hungry every 5 mins! Strange none of the other parents seemed to care!

That's exactly what I thought!

OP posts:
MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 07:25

YANBU!
It's obvious that kids need dinner and if they wanted you to stay they needed to provide some. You did the sensible thing by leaving. I can't believe the other families just stayed on and let their kids go hungry! Twats.

Clymene · 09/04/2023 07:25

I would have just asked if I could make something for the kids. It sounds like you're good friends if it's so relaxed. I'm sure you could have made a bowl of cheesy pasta or something

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/04/2023 07:26

Because in the real world, if you feed your kids lunch at 1.30, they will need feeding again by 7pm (significantly before in my DC’s case) and it’s really shitty parenting to ignore that because you’re having a lovely time drinking with your mates.

Yep. Piss poor parenting to let your child be hungry because you're too happy having a drink. OP when that's happened with us, we've popped some frozen food in for the kids to eat dinner or would have ordered for them if no food in. I wouldn't let kids go hungry.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:28

Is it because the mention of ‘seafood’ and wine makes it sound all middle class and naice so it’s fine for those parents to forget to feed their children? Or is it the old mumsnet undereaters who don’t need lunch and dinner so nobody else, including 3 year olds, should need that either?

Lol god i hope that's not a thing, I love my three meals a day..!!

OP posts:
Phoebo · 09/04/2023 07:28

Businessflake · 09/04/2023 07:17

Yes. Read again.

OP sounds like the host wanted to host in the way they would have done pre kids. Mine would have been very hangry by 7pm if they’d eaten at 1.30pm. I probably would have called time on it when I’d finished eating “lunch” (I don’t think you said what time that was).

Show quote history

I would just have made something for the kids or gone home for the kids dinner. Hosts sound a bit hopeless/lax but you're not held hostage 🤷‍♀️
Sounds like since you were all snacking that's why the actual "lunch" was late.
I guess I don't really see the big deal, I would have just sorted it out myself, there's nothing wrong with that if you're with friends or family. Even a random won't care if your kid is hungry.
Some people are just not good hosts.

MathsNervous · 09/04/2023 07:32

I would have made my excuses and left early to feed my own DC before they got hangry.

Singularity82 · 09/04/2023 07:32

YANBU OP. Whenever I’m hosting like this I always have a few frozen pizzas in, just in case! Easy to bung in the oven and kids are happy.
Although in MN land that equates to feeding your kids arsenic or roadkill so I’m not sure how well this would go down 😁

Yerroblemom1923 · 09/04/2023 07:33

Eh? It sounds like you were all grazing on food all afternoon so no idea why you'd need to eat again! As you were invited to LUNCH the host obviously hadn't bargained on people staying so late hence no plan to "rustle up" an evening meal as well. She was probably hoping you'd all take your kids home and feed them yourselves. Also it's OK to experience hunger. Some people seem genuinely terrified to be hungry, miss the odd meal or dine later than advertised.
And surely anyone with kids never leaves the house without an emergency banana just in case???

OMGitsnotgood · 09/04/2023 07:36

Appreciate it's not easy to rustle something up if you have nothing in but surely most people who can afford seafood lunches with drinks are unlikely to have an empty cupboard? Beans on toast or even just toast, or cereal! As a host I'd have anticipated the possibility of feeding the children again. But not everyone thinks these things through and maybe she was frazzled with hosting so many people.

However, as a guest with hungry children, I'd have suggested you ordered in pizza for the kids.

OlympicProcrastinator · 09/04/2023 07:36

SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:13

We arrived at midday for lunch, kids ate lunch, we ended up eating "lunch" at 5pm, so it led to the kids being hungry for tea while the adults were going strong on the wine. So we stayed as it was still very much in full swing, until I realised my kids needed dinner and it wasn't happening at theirs! I definitely didn't plan on staying that late, but didn't expect to eat our lunch at that time..!

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I would have offered my kids some of my late lunch. I wouldn’t have sat there eating knowing they were hungry. Then you could have stayed a bit longer.

Singularity82 · 09/04/2023 07:36

@Yerroblemom1923 have I missed something? Where does it say the kids were grazing all afternoon?
it reads to me that kids are at 13.30, adults were grazing on snacks then adults ate proper lunch at 17.00, but kids hadn’t actually ate anything beyond dinner?

Singularity82 · 09/04/2023 07:37

Beyond lunch, sorry.

Ragwort · 09/04/2023 07:37

Agree with Yerro, it sounds as though you all outstayed your welcome .. I have been the host in this situation and forced myself to happily smile and and carry on chatting whilst secretly thinking 'why don't they all just go home'. Offering another meal is just an invitation to stay longer ...
And I agree that being 'hungry' is not the end of the world ... it's such an exaggeration to stay you are 'starving' if you don't get three meals a day.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:38

Phoebo · 09/04/2023 07:28

I would just have made something for the kids or gone home for the kids dinner. Hosts sound a bit hopeless/lax but you're not held hostage 🤷‍♀️
Sounds like since you were all snacking that's why the actual "lunch" was late.
I guess I don't really see the big deal, I would have just sorted it out myself, there's nothing wrong with that if you're with friends or family. Even a random won't care if your kid is hungry.
Some people are just not good hosts.

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But all the kids were hungry. Are you suggesting I took over the hosts kitchen to sort all of them out? Or just cook for my own kids? I think that would land me in the cf guests thread!

We did go home to feed our kids. Its more about the fact that we felt like we were odd doing this. We were grazing all day but the kids weren't.

OP posts:
Wilkolampshade · 09/04/2023 07:40

Just sounds like your hosts were a bit pissed tbh. That's why they were late with 'lunch'. If they hadn't been drinking for 5/6 hours by the time you left, would they still have thought the kids didn't need feeding?
Grim.

snitzelvoncrumb · 09/04/2023 07:40

I think some of the responses are reaching a little. If the host wants you to leave they tend to start cleaning up, not keep bringing drinks out.

Phoebo · 09/04/2023 07:43

SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 07:38

But all the kids were hungry. Are you suggesting I took over the hosts kitchen to sort all of them out? Or just cook for my own kids? I think that would land me in the cf guests thread!

We did go home to feed our kids. Its more about the fact that we felt like we were odd doing this. We were grazing all day but the kids weren't.

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Yeah I'd totally ask if it was ok to get some food for the kids (make some sandwiches or something for all the kids or offer them some of what you had for lunch). What friend cares if you take over the kitchen to feed the kids, as long as you ask? A normal person wouldn't care surely? I'm super strict with routine so if I'm somewhere and it gets late I'll just ask if I can make a snack, it's never been an issue.

IhearyouClemFandango · 09/04/2023 07:44

Yeah, I would have left too. What would they have said if you'd said "Jane/John, the kids are starving. Mind if I grab them some cheese on toast?"

IhearyouClemFandango · 09/04/2023 07:45

But they were clearly pissed and/or rude. Not great hosting or parenting

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