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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpectedly late lunch at friends house, wibu to expect to feed the kids some dinner?

252 replies

SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 06:36

Genuinely not sure if iabu.

Went to a friend's place for lunch on good Friday, 4 families including the host's. 9 kids 3-8yo. It was a seafood lunch, we all brought dishes to share and the host provided lunch for the kids.

Kids ate their hot lunch around 1.30pm. Adults grazed on prawns and chips/dips and for some reason the hosts didn't start cooking the hot parts of our lunch until gone 4pm. The kids were happy playing. We sat down at around 5pm, by that time I was starving (breastfeeding), and half an hour later the kids were all saying they were hungry. The host seemed to either ignore them, or say she'd given them dessert (I.e. stop asking for food, you've had loads), but that was at lunch time and it was coming to dinner time.

Obviously we hadn't come for two meals, but I was surprised she didn't either raise it with us or offer some cheese toasties or something simple. I found some leftover rice from our lunch and offered it to some of the kids but it wasn't enough really. It was clear the host didn't want to feed the kids, but she did want the fun to continue with the adults.

The other parents there didn't seem bothered that their kids were hungry either.

I called time at 7ish when I realised the others were kicking on and the kids wouldn't get fed, so we came home and gave our kids beans on toast, all sorted.

Was ibu to think it was odd not to even acknowledge that the kids needed something for their tea? In that situation I would have rustled up something simple, really to be able to keep on socialising with my mates having kept the kids fed and happy.

What would you have done in this situation? Note that we couldn't have chipped in for a takeaway pizza or anything as it was good Friday and nothing was open.

Interested to hear your thoughts!

OP posts:
TessoftheDubonnet · 09/04/2023 09:30

watcherintherye · 09/04/2023 09:09

I think the poster meant as well as the meal the kids had at 1.30.

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Indeed. Thank you.

whatsthpoint · 09/04/2023 09:30

Bizzare behaviour of them op. I've had many lunches that have gone on into the evening, at about 5.30/6 you pull something together for the kids so you can all keep socialising!

WideFootWelly · 09/04/2023 09:31

Once went to family for boxing Day and they didn't feed us or kids all day, just sausage rolls and crisps and chocolate out all day. We were starving and not close to home.

To be fair, it never happened like that again, so I think they realised but just didn't have the right food in.

YoDood · 09/04/2023 09:35

If your kids ate a full meal at 1.30pm I wouldn’t have thought they’d need feeding again 2 1/2 hours later at 4pm?

Mine would be perfectly happy with a bigger gap - we normally have lunch 12.30-1pm then eat dinner at 7-7.30pm.

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 09:36

Lottieoxo · 09/04/2023 09:29

Regardless of the timings, you must have known that being there from before 1pm and still being there at 7pm would involve your kids needing to eat again. You obviously expected your kids to be fed again. We were in a friend's on good Friday and all ordered take away, are you sure nothing was open?

She was invited for lunch. I don't think they were expecting to still be there over dinner time but when you don't serve lunch until 5 these things happen!

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 09:37

YoDood · 09/04/2023 09:35

If your kids ate a full meal at 1.30pm I wouldn’t have thought they’d need feeding again 2 1/2 hours later at 4pm?

Mine would be perfectly happy with a bigger gap - we normally have lunch 12.30-1pm then eat dinner at 7-7.30pm.

It wasn't 4pm it was dinner time

Darhon · 09/04/2023 09:39

Newname221 · 09/04/2023 06:58

This.

I’m always surprised at my friends kinda being quite inflexible with mealtimes. For example, they always eat at 12:00; and get cranky if lunch is say at 12:30.

I’ve got two kids; but we aren’t the kind of family who eat at the same time - breakfast could range between 7am and 10am, lunch from 12-3, and dinner from 4-9.

The one year old might need an apple or something in between; but that’s about it.

Although put my 7 year old in a group of kids and she will ask for food along with the others.

I always take snacks foods when I’m going to my friends houses with kids though, enough for them all to get some (a fruit platter, some crisps, and a wee bit chocolate each or similar)

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So if your kids have a 7am breakfast, they would be fine until 3pm for lunch? Or a 12pm lunch and 9pm dinner? I’d struggle with that.

Lottieoxo · 09/04/2023 09:42

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 09:36

She was invited for lunch. I don't think they were expecting to still be there over dinner time but when you don't serve lunch until 5 these things happen!

Show quote history

She clearly states they cut short the socialising at 7pm because the kids were hungry. So they'd been eating for 2 hours at that point? Obviously not, they were still there wanting to stay but cut it short to feed the kids.

Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 09:42

BellaJuno · 09/04/2023 09:15

The bit you’ve not really answered clearly is why you didn’t leave once you’d been fed and you realised the hosts weren’t going to give another meal to your hungry kids? That’s on you OP, you decided to stay once your late lunch was eaten.

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We did leave! Exactly when we realised the kids weren't going to be fed. So we fed them at our place.

OP posts:
Original poster
SquigglyGum · 09/04/2023 09:43

And yes, changed enough details so not identifying

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 09/04/2023 09:44

YANBU. It sounds like poor planning by your hosts. If you invite people for lunch, yes, you have to leave the chat and actually make lunch. It would have been a lot easier if you all (adults and children) had eaten at 1.30pm. I suspect the hosts were too attached to their wine. Eating lunch at 5pm is stupid. Even stupider is feeding some of your guests lunch at 1.30pm, then the other guests lunch at 5pm. Of course the children are going to want some of the 5pm lunch by that time.

It sounds like a wine-fuelled cock-up basically.

YoDood · 09/04/2023 09:44

Dinner time is around 7.30 🤷🏻‍♀️

MathsNervous · 09/04/2023 09:45

IhearyouClemFandango · 09/04/2023 07:45

But they were clearly pissed and/or rude. Not great hosting or parenting

Exactly. Imagine stuffing your face, quaffing wine and leaving the children hungry. There's nothing enjoyable about that.

Singapore4 · 09/04/2023 09:47

You should of just said you are going home yo get tea on as they will be hungry. Its a lot of kids to feed tbh.

MathsNervous · 09/04/2023 09:52

YoDood · 09/04/2023 09:35

If your kids ate a full meal at 1.30pm I wouldn’t have thought they’d need feeding again 2 1/2 hours later at 4pm?

Mine would be perfectly happy with a bigger gap - we normally have lunch 12.30-1pm then eat dinner at 7-7.30pm.

Mine wouldn't be happy with that. They eat constantly. Breakfast usually 7am, lunch 11-12 noon and dinner 3.30/4pm, supper 6pm. I am never out the kitchen.

All stick thin each of my DC.

PetitPorpoise · 09/04/2023 09:53

Agree it seems like bad planning. I'd never host children without having some extra frozen pizzas or similar in, just in case.

shakeitoffsis · 09/04/2023 09:59

YABU. I would have offered my kids some of my adult food and gone without it they were moaning they were hungry.

Newname221 · 09/04/2023 10:01

Darhon · 09/04/2023 09:39

So if your kids have a 7am breakfast, they would be fine until 3pm for lunch? Or a 12pm lunch and 9pm dinner? I’d struggle with that.

Show quote history

No. Obviously not.

We do breakfast at 7 on school days, my daughter will have lunch at 12:30 on those days and dinner would be around 6pm, when we get home. She may have an apple or similar after school.

At weekends, breakfast is normally 9-10ish. If it’s a quick bowl of cereal before heading out somewhere, we will do lunch at 1-2ish, we will normally have a fairly large meal at this time in a restaurant, followed by a small tea before bed (egg and toast or similar, at 7-8pm)

Or we might have a large breakfast at 10/11, skip lunch, and have dinner around 3pm, then a light snack before bed.

My eldest can grab snacks herself if she wishes (fruit/cheese sticks/cold meat/crackers/crisps) and my youngest gets a few small snacks too.

Basically we just play it by ear. We are not early risers if we don’t have to be - even the baby normally gets up at 8-8:30. We are also fairly late bedders at the weekend, so naturally eat later.

Oh and we aren’t those people who hardly eat - we just tend to eat fairly substantial meals less often.

CheersForThatEh · 09/04/2023 10:06

I'd have fed the kids from my plate at 5pm or said something flippant about the kids driving me mad with their hanger and said i was going to do a Maccies run or Ubereats for them and did anyone else want in?

It's just one of those things where things dont go to plan. But I'd be grumpy if I was hungry so not fair on kids to have to miss dinner, which it sounds like they would have done of you hadn't left when you did x

Womencanlift · 09/04/2023 10:09

Slightly off topic but I have lived in many places over the years and never came across a place where every takeaway is closed on Good Friday. Surely a bank holiday is a prime time when people would treat themselves to a takeaway

WimbyAce · 09/04/2023 10:10

Sounds awful, I hate going somewhere where you have to hang about for food when you are starving. When I invite people to mine I have the food ready pretty much on arrival. Add hungry kids to the mix and it's a recipe for disaster!

Newname221 · 09/04/2023 10:10

Womencanlift · 09/04/2023 10:09

Slightly off topic but I have lived in many places over the years and never came across a place where every takeaway is closed on Good Friday. Surely a bank holiday is a prime time when people would treat themselves to a takeaway

Especially fish and chip shops, since Catholics traditionally eat fish on a Friday. And I’ve rarely been to anywhere that doesn’t have a chip shop.

WimbyAce · 09/04/2023 10:11

Womencanlift · 09/04/2023 10:09

Slightly off topic but I have lived in many places over the years and never came across a place where every takeaway is closed on Good Friday. Surely a bank holiday is a prime time when people would treat themselves to a takeaway

They weren't closed here, we had chippy on Friday.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/04/2023 10:18

It sounds like the OP isn't in the UK? The late lunch and closed takeaways suggests a Mediterranean country, eg Spain. Would make sense then.

But what doesn't make sense is how people will sit hungry for hours with friends (or family on the other thread) and not say anything or offer to solve the problem by making food themselves or go to a shop or takeaway.

Seems they would rather sit and seethe, then post on MN about it instead.

Dibbydoos · 09/04/2023 10:20

Seriously?

How ridiculous, come for lunch, eat at tea time, kids can go hungry....