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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell friend to stop spouting religion at me?!

87 replies

4GodSake · 08/04/2023 22:34

I have a very good friend who happens to have found religion about 5 years ago, she's married to a man she met at the church she attends and seems very happy which is great!

My issue is she will mention things to me when I see her sometimes, say she's prayed for me, send me messages with videos of sermons or links to social media posts about finding Jesus ect

She doesn't do this ALL the time I admit, just occasionally but I don't know why I just feel offended almost when she does it? She knows I'm not interested, I've told her before I struggle with the idea of religion and there being a God and that I personally don't believe in it.

AIBU to want her to just respect that and accept she's not going to change my mind with a YouTube video? AIBU to be insulted that she won't just accept what I believe in the same way I have her? I don't send her links to atheist speakers, for example, I don't see what the difference is.

Would I be unreasonable to rock the boat about this given that it's not super frequent but does piss me off when it happens?

OP posts:
larkstar · 09/04/2023 15:14

TBH my sympathy for you @4GodSake is quite limited. Why can't you act like an adult and get a grip of this situation - if you're not going to be completely direct with her then you only have yourself to blame. She is free to choose what she believes in, say and do but she is being selfish, self absorbed, insensitive, inconsiderate and possibly egotistical to be ignoring your thoughts and feelings about this matter - you have tell her in no uncertain terms, in a way that she will never forget that you do not want her pious good wishes, prayers or fanatical religious jingoism. It's not certain if she will want to maintain a friendship with you and that's probably best for both of you. Obviously you can also state, being mindful not to dilute your main message, what you value in her and your relationship. It's no wonder to me who so many people problems persist in the world - people just aren't direct enough.

Cherrysoup · 09/04/2023 15:48

I would definitely tell her to stop and that you don’t want further videos. It would drive me crazy.

PuppyMonkey · 09/04/2023 16:05

When she sends you messages just message back: “Lol, what a load of old bollocks.” Grin

Elphame · 09/04/2023 16:16

There is no one living in Britain who can not be aware of the so called “good news” so friends ramming it down our throats is totally unnecessary and actually rather offensive.

I would definitely be saying something

Createausername1970 · 09/04/2023 16:20

I go to church. I have my beliefs. I don't take the Bible as gospel (pun definitely intended😁) but I do believe that there is more to life than just our earthly existence.

But I wouldn't "force" my views on anybody else - I haven't got it all that clear in my own mind for a start. And I hate other people forcing their views - religious, political etc., on me.

Can you tell them you do appreciate their concern, and it's nice to know they feel you are important to them, but can they stop please, it's actually making you feel uncomfortable.

Pseudonamed · 09/04/2023 16:23

I would honestly tell her to go and fuck herself. She has no respect for you at all if she is pushing her agenda like this on you.

Ilovetea42 · 09/04/2023 16:33

I'm guessing she's found happiness for herself in her faith and I can understand why she'd want to share that, plus its part of the Christian religion to spread the word. I'm a Christian and personally I really dislike non consensual discussions around it, if my friends want to talk to me about my beliefs I'm really happy to be open about that but equally I don't bring it up unless they do or unless it comes up organically in conversation. I do pray for my friends though. I don't see it as any different to thinking about someone and hoping they're doing well or sending good vibes out there for someone about to do a job interview for example. If you feel uncomfortable then talk to her about it, tell her that you understand its a big part of her life now and you respect that and you're happy it makes her feel good, but you don't appreciate it when she tries to minister to you or help you 'find Jesus' and you'd like her to stop doing that and respect your position as atheist (if that's how you describe yourself). That being said I think being a friend and respecting that it is part of her life also means allowing her to talk about her own experience of it, provided its not done in a trying to convert you way if that makes sense.

Suzi888 · 09/04/2023 16:35

I’ve a friend who does this, prays for me. I just say, ok thanks. She knows I don’t believe, I say I would like to but …nope.

dephlogisticated · 09/04/2023 21:44

Friendofdennis · 08/04/2023 22:42

Well if she believes in Jesus as Saviour then she would see it as her responsibility to let you in on the good news. She would also believe in heaven and hell and wants you to go up rather than down. If she didn’t occasionally mention God to you then she would be showing that she couldn’t care less about you.

She might believe these things but then she might not. I hope I don't sound too confrontational but in some ways this is a sad stereotype of the complex and nuanced set of beliefs and experiences that a Christian may have (I'm not a Christian). It's this kind of over simplification that does religious people no favours and in turn that helps no one get on better. I know a lot of Christians, I move in religious circles and very few of them have the beliefs you outline above or have any interest in saving people from a literal 'hell' they don't believe in. Obviously some people do but it's not fair to assume that all or even most Christians do.

HappyMe6 · 09/04/2023 21:53

I’d pray for her

girlfriend44 · 09/04/2023 21:53

4GodSake · 08/04/2023 22:34

I have a very good friend who happens to have found religion about 5 years ago, she's married to a man she met at the church she attends and seems very happy which is great!

My issue is she will mention things to me when I see her sometimes, say she's prayed for me, send me messages with videos of sermons or links to social media posts about finding Jesus ect

She doesn't do this ALL the time I admit, just occasionally but I don't know why I just feel offended almost when she does it? She knows I'm not interested, I've told her before I struggle with the idea of religion and there being a God and that I personally don't believe in it.

AIBU to want her to just respect that and accept she's not going to change my mind with a YouTube video? AIBU to be insulted that she won't just accept what I believe in the same way I have her? I don't send her links to atheist speakers, for example, I don't see what the difference is.

Would I be unreasonable to rock the boat about this given that it's not super frequent but does piss me off when it happens?

She's not a proper friend. She's trying to brainwash you. I'd bin her off if she dosent stop. Yanbu.

Nowthatlovehasperished · 09/04/2023 21:55

Her intentions are good and she (in her own way) wants the best for you. Smile and nod and don't worry about it?

GettingThereCharleyBear · 09/04/2023 21:57

@4GodSake I’ve long wanted to share Thank You God with a genuine Christian and ask for a response. A more utterly perfect take down of religion I have yet to hear - it’s so bloody brilliant it’s genius. I’ve never been brave enough to do it though 😄

Ilovetea42 · 11/04/2023 02:43

GettingThereCharleyBear · 09/04/2023 21:57

@4GodSake I’ve long wanted to share Thank You God with a genuine Christian and ask for a response. A more utterly perfect take down of religion I have yet to hear - it’s so bloody brilliant it’s genius. I’ve never been brave enough to do it though 😄

@GettingThereCharleyBear Christians can appreciate that Tim Minchin is a hilarious genuis. We aren't all completely devoid of humour lol! And all of the points he raises are perfectly valid and will be things that Christians themselves will have wrestled with. I find it really odd that people seem to think all Christians live in a bubble and aren't aware of the bad that happens in the world.

Isoqueen · 11/04/2023 02:49

I totally agree with the very first post. She is a friend and wants to share what she has experienced. She is definitely a keeper because she could have kept quiet and not shared . She cares about you deeply. So long as she doesn’t go on about her faith constantly I would just be polite and then have a private think about why she is doing this.

Weatherwax13 · 11/04/2023 03:01

Love this and will store for future use
@sashh

MissTrip82 · 11/04/2023 03:47

Friendofdennis · 08/04/2023 22:42

Well if she believes in Jesus as Saviour then she would see it as her responsibility to let you in on the good news. She would also believe in heaven and hell and wants you to go up rather than down. If she didn’t occasionally mention God to you then she would be showing that she couldn’t care less about you.

Or she could live such an amazingly good and loving life that people naturally want to follow her example and find out more.

Quite a lot more difficult to live as a Christian than talk as one though.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 11/04/2023 03:58

Isoqueen · 11/04/2023 02:49

I totally agree with the very first post. She is a friend and wants to share what she has experienced. She is definitely a keeper because she could have kept quiet and not shared . She cares about you deeply. So long as she doesn’t go on about her faith constantly I would just be polite and then have a private think about why she is doing this.

Seriously?

I'd tell her once to keep her silly superstition to herself. Any further proselytizing = bin.

Anyotherdude · 11/04/2023 06:19

I would also be a bit annoyed OP. My friend got into her late 50’s and decided to start campaigning with radical climate change organisations. That turned into her sole topic of conversation to the point that it was like a religious mania.
I’ve ghosted her over the last couple of years because of it, and have no regrets.

WandaWonder · 11/04/2023 06:41

I would politely and firmly tell her to stop

If that didn't work I would recruit her into my cult, no idea which one but would make it up as it went along like she is doing

I have nothing against people in a religion force themselves but leave me out of it

OfTheNight · 11/04/2023 06:50

I have a friend who takes her Christianity really seriously. She has prayed for me on a few occasions.

I have said to her that I love how her religion enhances her life, but I have my own beliefs.

I’m more than happy to chat about her going to church, or the church groups she helps out with, but I don’t need her to preach or pray. Likewise, I don’t try to impress my beliefs on her.

If she’s a good friend a conversation like that shouldn’t be an issue.

PurBal · 11/04/2023 06:58

I am with @Quveas and @MissTrip82.

I’m a Christian and don’t pray for people if they ask me not to. My prayer life isn’t a tick list either. I don’t believe anyone is “going to hell” because I believe I’m universal salvation.

I am also a huge fan of Tim Minchin (I’ve seen him live).

goingforalovelywalk · 11/04/2023 07:03

Isoqueen · 11/04/2023 02:49

I totally agree with the very first post. She is a friend and wants to share what she has experienced. She is definitely a keeper because she could have kept quiet and not shared . She cares about you deeply. So long as she doesn’t go on about her faith constantly I would just be polite and then have a private think about why she is doing this.

This!

For those who say 'most Christians don't go around sharing their faith' or 'faith is not simple, it's complex', I'd point you back to the very beginning of the story. The message of Jesus is simple. He even told stories to make it even more understandable so that everyone could 'get it'. It's humans who've complicated it.

Secondly, the whole point of Christianity is that it was designed to be shared. From the point that Jesus ascended into heaven, the apostles went out and over the next 2000+ years it was shared everywhere pretty much everywhere across the world. Why? Because it was life-changing news.

But of course if this is not your bag OP then you have every right to ask your friend to not send you these things. If you value your friendship otherwise, then there's no need to be rude, just set a simple boundary and say 'this makes me uncomfortable so please can I ask you don't send me any more religious videos etc'.

It's your choice, your boundary to set.

Bellisina · 11/04/2023 07:46

My mum gets a bit like this. She doesn’t send me links but every good occurrence in our lives is not luck or hard work, ‘it’s because I’ve been praying’ and ‘God is good!’

I’ve started countering it with astrology, which she hates, just to make a point. The other day for example, we got seemingly the last car park space in a jammed car park and and she announced she’d been praying since we drove in and God had given us a space. I replied I hadn’t been worried as Jupiter was aligned with my core planet that day so I was guaranteed good luck. Totally made up, no idea where Jupiter was, but it worked a treat as she fell silent. I can always tell she wants to tell me it’s rubbish but she’s smart enough to see the correlation.

I do it every time now. Highly recommended as a strategy!

mycoffeecup · 11/04/2023 07:49

You need to be blunt

"Sorry X, I've told you lots of times that I don't want to discuss religion. I'd rather you respect my decision and don't pray for me - if you insist on wasting your time by doing so then please don't tell me about it. If you can't stop talking about religion to me, it's going to be the end of our friendship"