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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell friend to stop spouting religion at me?!

87 replies

4GodSake · 08/04/2023 22:34

I have a very good friend who happens to have found religion about 5 years ago, she's married to a man she met at the church she attends and seems very happy which is great!

My issue is she will mention things to me when I see her sometimes, say she's prayed for me, send me messages with videos of sermons or links to social media posts about finding Jesus ect

She doesn't do this ALL the time I admit, just occasionally but I don't know why I just feel offended almost when she does it? She knows I'm not interested, I've told her before I struggle with the idea of religion and there being a God and that I personally don't believe in it.

AIBU to want her to just respect that and accept she's not going to change my mind with a YouTube video? AIBU to be insulted that she won't just accept what I believe in the same way I have her? I don't send her links to atheist speakers, for example, I don't see what the difference is.

Would I be unreasonable to rock the boat about this given that it's not super frequent but does piss me off when it happens?

OP posts:
Quveas · 08/04/2023 23:29

Friendofdennis · 08/04/2023 22:42

Well if she believes in Jesus as Saviour then she would see it as her responsibility to let you in on the good news. She would also believe in heaven and hell and wants you to go up rather than down. If she didn’t occasionally mention God to you then she would be showing that she couldn’t care less about you.

I am a Christian. I don't see it as my responsibility to let anyone "in" on the good news. I do not believe in a literal heaven or hell, and if it's as simplistic as all that then most everybody I know is going down so I may opt to join them. I accept I might occasionally mention God or something, but so does my atheist best friend - it isn't a taboo subject or banned word - but I care very much about my friends without needing to try to convince them of anything.

Faith is so much more complex that this simplistic litany.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 08/04/2023 23:34

Yeah @Exhibity 'God is real like justice beauty and love not real like beer bricks and tables" was the line me and some very Christian friends could agree on but I can see how it might offend people / come across as patronising so I wouldn't bring it up if I could help it.

jessyjo2 · 08/04/2023 23:35

Friendofdennis · 08/04/2023 22:42

Well if she believes in Jesus as Saviour then she would see it as her responsibility to let you in on the good news. She would also believe in heaven and hell and wants you to go up rather than down. If she didn’t occasionally mention God to you then she would be showing that she couldn’t care less about you.

I agree with what you are saying here. But guess its getting the balance right between telling OP what its all about and respecting OP's point of view.

AnorLondo · 08/04/2023 23:44

If you asked her not to and she keeps doing it anyway that shows what little respect she has for you and your beliefs.

whumpthereitis · 08/04/2023 23:53

‘It’s not a bad thing’
-When you’re repeatedly ignoring a clearly stated boundary and still pushing your ideology on someone who you know full well doesn’t want to hear it, yes, it is indeed a ‘bad thing’.

Backtoblack1 · 08/04/2023 23:55

I’ve had similar happen to me and was offended. I just totally ignored anything that was sent to me.

vdbfamily · 08/04/2023 23:59

If she is your friend, is it not possible to discuss how you feel. Have you tried telling her why you struggle to believe. Have you told her you don't like being sent stuff? I guess you have a choice but to read it and actually, if she sends you links to stuff, why not do the same, providing it is reasoned debate and not just offensive.

Aria2015 · 09/04/2023 00:01

If it occasional I'd just let it slide (assuming she's a good friend otherwise). I have something similar in my life, instead of getting offended, I just try and look it at it like the equivalent of a hobby. I have some friends who have interests (hobbies) that I'm not into, but I still will politely listen to them chat about it (occasionally) because I know it means something to them.

Minierme · 09/04/2023 00:11

I’m a practising Christian and it’s a big part of my life so it would be hard not to mention to friends at all. But I sent this thread to my atheist friend to get her take. She said that she just sees it as my hobby and she tells me about her hobbies (in great detail sometimes!) that I have no interest, in so it’s balanced 😂 While I obviously don’t see my faith as a hobby I do think she has a point. Friendships are about taking a interest (or at least listening patiently) about things you don’t particularly care about because the other person does and you care about them.

LaPerduta · 09/04/2023 00:17

Evangelicals are so bloody tedious.

ShodanLives · 09/04/2023 00:22

Minierme · 09/04/2023 00:11

I’m a practising Christian and it’s a big part of my life so it would be hard not to mention to friends at all. But I sent this thread to my atheist friend to get her take. She said that she just sees it as my hobby and she tells me about her hobbies (in great detail sometimes!) that I have no interest, in so it’s balanced 😂 While I obviously don’t see my faith as a hobby I do think she has a point. Friendships are about taking a interest (or at least listening patiently) about things you don’t particularly care about because the other person does and you care about them.

If her hobby was golf, and you told her that your not interested in golf but she kept sending you videos about why everyone should play golf, wouldn't that get annoying?

Although not entirely comparable since gold doesn't involve people going to hell.

MyLoveIsYourLove0xO · 09/04/2023 00:34

sadieshavingashindig · 08/04/2023 23:02

Just say "alright Dot Cotton" every time she does it until it pisses her off so much she never tries it with you again.

Do this!

Summerfun54321 · 09/04/2023 00:41

Agree with others saying think of it as a hobby. Some of my friend have hobbies I don't care about but I just smile and nod politely and visa versa.

Nevermind31 · 09/04/2023 00:46

This friendship is only going to work if you both accept the others position… and leave them to it - you need to tell her that.
i am an atheist, and have a VERY religious friend (I think her husband would prefer her to be friendlier with women from church rather than me). We just don’t talk about religion.

MYSTERIOUSGIRLONLINE · 09/04/2023 00:52

I was in the same boat as yourself. I'd a relative who spouted religious nonsense at me and at my Dad's funeral wanted to pray with me. I was heavily pregnant and lost it, screaming if God existed then WTF is my Dad doing lying in that coffin for then having died from cancer. Everyone has their own beliefs and that's fine but it's not for me.

Mightyouandiconfabulate · 09/04/2023 00:54

Nope. Just no.
I would be crystal clear and would be having a very frank conversation with them next time it comes up.
Stop sending me this …stuff or I will need to block them because it offends me greatly.
I feel very strongly about it.

JaneJeffer · 09/04/2023 00:58

Say a prayer and ask God to stop her from sending you stuff 😬

whumpthereitis · 09/04/2023 01:27

Summerfun54321 · 09/04/2023 00:41

Agree with others saying think of it as a hobby. Some of my friend have hobbies I don't care about but I just smile and nod politely and visa versa.

there’s a difference between listening to news about your friend’s hobby, and your friend trying to convert you to said hobby, regardless of your wishes on the matter. In no way if it reasonable for her to shove it onto OP despite repeatedly being told not to.

‘I’m going to ignore your wishes because my belief that you need to hear this is more important than respecting your boundaries’ is also a shitty excuse for the behaviour.

CoffeeBean5 · 09/04/2023 02:00

You say she only occasionally sends you things. If it’s not frequent then I would just ignore the religious videos and social media posts. It’s not worth the drama. I’m not religious, but if I was going through something upsetting and someone said ‘I’ll pray for you’ then I would politely say thank you. People have said this to me in the past and I understand that this is their way of showing that they’ve put me in their thoughts and that they care about me.

I bet you have interests that mean a lot to you, but are quite dull to your friend. She probably just lets you talk about it for a bit before changing the subject. There’s no need to be rude eg criticising/mocking religion. You just change the subject.

ComputerWifeKaren · 09/04/2023 02:15

Tell her you're going vegan and spam her back with YouTube videos.
Or, like others have said, make it clear to her that you value your friendship and agree to disagree on her religious views, also that boundaries mean she doesn't need to be sending you videos. She can pray for you on her own time off her own back but she needs to rein it in if she respects your friendship.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 09/04/2023 02:19

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

sashh · 09/04/2023 02:27

Tell her this

Religion is like a penis, it's perfectly fine to have one, it's not fine to wave it about unless someone has asked you to.

JudgeRudy · 09/04/2023 02:47

I think you have to try to move away from the fact that they're religious posts she's sending and look at them as "Shite I'm not interested in".
I have a friend who sends joke memes all the time (most days). Hardly any of them are funny or amusing. I delete them. I've told him they're not funny yet still they come. Occasionally one will raise a smile so l like or reply in the hope he'll get hints at what I might like but I now think it's a group message to everyone!
I have another friend who's dogs are her 'babies'. Not interested. Again pics. I've said I'm not interested but she will say yes but you definitely love this one...no, I don't love a pic of your dog wearing bunny ears.
Then there's MLM. I kinda lump them altogether but MLM or 'invites' to contribute to a GoFundMe rile. I also have an old friend who does the 'let's see who my real friends are.......copy and share with 8 friends'. These annoy me the most so everyone gets blocked or defriended,.....except her because 'old friend' comes as a package and the package is good.
You've tried using your words, you've tried ignoring. Maybe do as some suggest but perhaps not Tim Minchen....keep replying with videos of 'when cars go mad' or maybe some obscure modern jazz. Or a pic of a grey rock? Good luck

Exhibity · 09/04/2023 08:39

I've just watched Tim Minchin , he's a genius!

KimberleyClark · 09/04/2023 08:47

Friendofdennis · 08/04/2023 22:42

Well if she believes in Jesus as Saviour then she would see it as her responsibility to let you in on the good news. She would also believe in heaven and hell and wants you to go up rather than down. If she didn’t occasionally mention God to you then she would be showing that she couldn’t care less about you.

IME it’s only a certain type of evangelical Christian who tells people they are going to hell if they don’t believe. Most reasonable people of whatever faith do not do this.

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