MIL refusing to take the children for our honeymoon.

[Mamacita7]

Just want to preface this by making it clear I didn’t ask her to take the children, she offered.
We get married in July this year. We have two daughters who will be 9 & 6 then. My MIL very kindly offered to take the girls so we could get away by ourselves after the wedding. She has only ever had them over night once and if I’m honest I didn’t think she would actually take them. We holiday with them every year to a place in Scotland and have done since the eldest was born. We get separate apartments and I stay with the children when they go to bed to allow my fiancé and his dad some quality time at night.
About three weeks ago my fiancé informs us all that he has booked a luxury apartment in said place costing £££ for them and the girls to go away a week after the wedding. This allows us time to maybe get a few days away and join them during the rest of the week. His mother loses her mind. She tells him that he should have discussed it with her and that it is unreasonable of us to expect her to drive them up there. She was shouting at him. For context, it’s a two hour drive and we hadn’t discussed who was taking them. We have a people carrier so would have taken them all up. I am upset at the way she spoke to him and it’s the final nail in the coffin. She’s made some snippy comments about the wedding which we are fully paying for.
Cut to this week and she messaged him to ask that we go early to collect the children’s Easter eggs because they are going to aforementioned holiday destination, and she is driving up.
Am I right to be annoyed at her? Should I start the discussion or just leave it?

She probably wanted to look after them at her house?

I think ideally you should have spoken to her before booking a break for her. She was kind enough to look after the children so should have been involved in the discussion as to where.

You absolutely can’t book a suspended week away for someone without checking their plans and expect them to be happy about it! I’d be annoyed too

*surprise not suspended

It seems unnecessarily complicated. Were you going to go away, come back, and drive them up? Then what?

He should have checked with them before booking something, I'm not surprised she is annoyed.

He booked a holiday without asking? I think it’s a bit unfair to be cross with her.

I agree, if she has offered take the children, she probably planned to do it in her own home. It is a very different thing being responsible for two children on holiday somewhere. I would have been very upset too.

Your husband definitely should have asked before booking it. Your mil offered to look after them but she probably meant in her house or yours not on holiday. And even if she is ok with looking after them on holiday she should have been involved in the decision making. Your husband is definitely the one in the wrong here and not your mil.

Yeah what everyone else is saying. You should've checked with her before you booked a break away for her. She probably wanted to mind them in her own house.

Your MIL made a very generous offer, your dp then took it upon himself to decide the terms of that offer, make her life harder when you're already getting a huge favour from her, and now you're pissed off at her.

You're annoyed with the wrong person here.

I don't agree with the shouting part, but I would definitely expect to be consulted before someone booked a childcare/vacation for me! Sorry, but your partner massively overstepped there.

I mean. Of course he should have discussed it with her. How can you not see this?

He's booked it without checking with her, I can see why she's not super happy. Somethings do need to be communicated, not done by surprise

Surprise! Unless someone hates it…. Lovely idea, but you should’ve checked. (Sorry)

I’d be annoyed too if I was your MIL. Sorry.

Yeah definitely on the MIL's team here. I would hate anyone doing this to me.

This sounds bonkers, why would you book a holiday for someone who was going to be looking after your kids?!? Surely that just makes it more stressful for them?

My in-laws are very kindly having our kids for two nights in a couple of weeks, no small thing because we have three children and they are quite young. The in laws have decided to have them at theirs but we offered our house if that would be easier (with all the kids stuff/beds etc already being here obviously). those should be the only options in my opinion, doing it at a third venue would be so inconvenient.

Partner fail. Why didn't he consult her? He has managed to piss off his own mother with her making an otherwise lovely gesture for your wedding.

Also why has he basically booked for his mum to join you on honeymoon?

Taking them on holiday is very different to her looking after them at home. Your fiance is unreasonable.

She’s probably stressed at the thought of travelling up with them, is she doing it by herself? He may have thought he’s doing a nice thing but it’s probably easier for her to look after them at home.

YABU. Massively

This is Mumsnet so you will be swamped by replies telling you it’s outrageous to expect family to help with your children....!

Secondly it will be suggested you pay for a nanny to look after them.

Meanwhile in the real world, I don’t think it’s unusual for grandparents to look after children. However I would give the grandparents the choice of whether they stay at home and look after the children or go away. They might prefer to stay at your house or at their own home.

She is not refusing to take care of the kids during your honeymoon though? She just doesn't want to do so at this apartment that your fiance has booked.

He probably thought he was doing something nice, but the failure to talk it through with her before booking prevented it from being nice.