To smoke around newborn/baby/child?

[newmummie]

Just want to know AIBU. I'm due me and dp first child in 3 months time, we are so so excited. Dp smokes (I don't, and never will) and when I say smokes, I mean around the clock. Since becoming pregnant I've made him very aware that he isn't allowed to smoke near me and I don't want to inhale any of it, he's agreed with this and does try his best to keep me away from it all. Although he does smoke when he's beside me in outdoors, this still makes me uncomfortable as it hits me up the face so I just walk infront of him until he's finished. I've recently told him that under no circumstances is anyone allowed to smoke near our child, he said he's not silly and he wouldn't do so but he can't help if someone in his family does. (All of his family smoke, none of mine do) This has made me quite uncomfortable, that he would say he can't help it if they decide to smoke around our child? I made it quite clear to him that if I ever see his family or anyone else light a cigarette near our baby/child I will simply get up and leave and ask them not to do it in future. He then said he won't let them smoke BESIDE baby but nothing wrong with a few distance away. But he's not asking them to go outside in their own house, which I understand. This has just made me very wary as they always talk about babysitting and how excited they are to have a new baby in the house. I just don't trust that when I'm not there they'll follow what I'm saying surrounding smoking near baby. They already have a child in the house and they've been smoking near her since newborn days, was never an issue to them. So I'm scared. Been talking more to DP about this past few days and it's causing countless arguments. He's agreed he won't smoke around baby however he CAN smoke when taking baby walks in the pram as it's outdoor in the fresh air. I still disagreed to this and said absolutely not. He's now very angry and said if he can't smoke he's not taking the baby on pram walks. AIBU? As you can tell I'm severely anxious around smoking around a newborn/child, I just don't want my child inhaling it. I've read to much negatives around it, although I am aware the chances of something happening to my baby is low but it's not a chance I want to take. I've also said to DH I'd rather my child not know that he smokes until he's much older, so to hide that he does it for the first few years, he's also said no to this. I just don't want to teach my child NO to smoking but he sees his dad and family do it all the time? What would be the point? Ranting at this point, sorry. Just frustrated. Should I be more easy on DP? Am I over reacting? Be kind, I'm really anxious around the whole thing. Thanks so much. xxx

This.

You chose to have a baby with someone who will breathe poison all over them. Why?

Now your instincts are kicking in and realising you need to protect the innocent child. Your husbands aren't. What are you going to do? Who are you going to choose?

Gosh, I never knew that. So for example a 'doorstep/garden smoker' is still a risk to their child? I know a lot of smokers who have a fag last thing. 🤔

@JudgeRudy yes very much so. There’s this idea that washing hands/changing clothes gets rid of any smoke issues, even HVs will advise it, but we know better now. Smokers continue breathing out chemicals for several hours after every cigarette, even if you can’t see any smoke

@JudgeRudy agree with @BuffaloCauliflower the risk factor is a history of parental smoking (or close family member) not where they actually smoke it.

Long term cardiovascular risk factors into adulthood for children exposed to smoke as children. It's a real public health issue and as others have noted there is a major socio-economic influence on which children are exposed to smoke (see my comment above about being gobsmacked my SIL's father smoked into his 60s as it is SO unusual in a man of his demographic background - upper middle class).

I have however, been taking smoking and alcohol histories for more than 25 years now and the amount that people openly admit to smoking has really fallen since the 1990s. I haven't met anyone who smokes (or admits to smoking) 20 fags a day for years. Getting a history of 40-60 / day didn't use to be uncommon. Similar but not identical patient population.

Government policy around smoking has obviously had some effect.

There is a big drive for my professional group to start talking about the risks of smoking with the parents of children we treat as a societal health intervention.

Unfortunately no one really has the time for it at the moment because I think it has the potential to have a big impact.

If you’re no longer together he’s going to be having the baby on his own and you’ll have absolutely no control over where he takes it and who holds it.

I’d be prepared to bet good money this bloke wouldn’t want the grief of looking after his kid on his own.

The kind of bloke who won’t stop smoking when his partner is pregnant is not the kind of bloke who will prioritise time with the kid.

I would leave now. Odds on he won’t want any contact at all.

That's a bit OTT! I can understand if they've just had one but to ban them from EVER holding your baby is beyond PFB it's actually shocking

My parents both smoked in the house growing up and whilst I absolutely never ever did and wouldn't EVER allow that around my own child, neither me nor any of my siblings developed Asthma or any respiratory issues so it's incorrect for you to imply that it's a certainty because it def is not.

It's really not, the smell alone for a newborn can make it difficult to breathe. As in fatal. People should shower and wear new clean clothes if they are going to hold a newborn. I was surprised myslef to find out that it's that harmful, it should be widely publicised.

My friends 3 month also died. Grandparents were both heavy smokers, and mother smoked too.

I'd speak to your dp about second hand smoke. Absolutely no to smoking in house or around baby. For him and visitors. And of course he would need to wash hands after smoking. I also agree no smoking while pushing pram, it's too close. With regards to other people's houses, I'd say don't visit if they smoke in the house and leave if they start to.

To be honest I don't see how you can be attracted to a smoker at least one who is a chain smoker. Surely kissing them must be like lick an ashtray? What is the attraction? He would absolutely reek of smoke. How can you be attracted to a man that constantly stinks to high heaven and smells and tastes like an ashtray? I honestly don't get it. I don't get whats in it for you. He would be a major turn off to any woman. He sounds fucking disgusting. Imagine living with that and literally never able to escape the stench. What attracted to you to him, if it wasn't an enjoyment of licking an ashtray? I'd be asking him to quit altogether or I'd walk. But I'd never get so low I'd be attracted to him in the first place.

My mother is a very heavy smoker. My DC are 9 & 12 and have never been inside her house because of this. It is a risk to babies to just be in a smoked in house. I was told that a baby being held by someone in smoky clothes is more at risk of sids. You are not being unreasonable at all imo. I'd go as far as to say I'd be insisting my dp at least try to give up. Does he smoke inside? That would be stopping as well. Please put your foot down. Good luck ❤️❤️

Exactly this. My DC never went in a smokers house when they were small - ever. Not a problem for the immediate family but it was for wider family members - but we did not go to their houses.

PippaF2 · Yesterday 12:33
@MrsSkylerWhite it's a metaphor.…

You don’t say.