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Original poster

Friend takes offence

268 replies

Booboojump · 08/04/2023 02:49

So one of my friends took major offence to my wording…. She called me out on it and now I’m embarrassed

I invited my friend around this past week with her children via text.

“Would you and the boys like to come over for some lunch and a play in the garden tomorrow, the weather is looking much better”

She has 4 boys, 3 being the same ages as mine. All friendly with each other and get along great

As she came in I used called her children “the boys” would “you boys” like a drink…
she sat down and asked me not to call them “the boys”. I replied a rather embarrassed yeah of course… silence for a few mins then I had start the convo up as it was awkward as hell.

Im terms of gender, im as liberal as they come (sister is a in a same gender relationship and identities as masc) As far as I’m aware all the children identify as the gender they were born as and are typical boys boys.

I would normally message people with multiple children “the girls/boys/children depending of the children's genders rather than writing a full Tom, Dick, Harry and Bob!

I feel awkward now there is tension between us. like I need to watch myself what I say as not to offend!

OP posts:
BellePeppa · 08/04/2023 08:13

It seems pretty rude of her considering she was a guest in your house. Unless you see each other all the time for long stretches I can’t really see why she brought it up at all.

Clawdy · 08/04/2023 08:16

I would have been so pleased to get such a lovely invitation I wouldn't have cared how you phrased it!

Hellybelly84 · 08/04/2023 08:18

She needs help if that offends her. I really couldn’t have a friend that was such hard work. I refer to my kids as ‘me and the boys’ all the time. Would she like you to individually name them when you send a quick text to invite them over?

Catlover6 · 08/04/2023 08:20

I know exactly what your friend means. I have three boys and get really fed up of my mum or other relative asking how the boys are.
It just feels like they’re not seen as individuals; nothing to do with desire for a girl and no woke angle.
For example if mum asks what have the boys done today? I’ll respond using their names as obviously they’ll all have done different things.
Much better to name them; ask the child what he wants to drink.
I don’t think she’s being over sensitive but can see why you wouldn’t necessarily understand why she’s corrected you.

Goodread1 · 08/04/2023 08:21

I forget to say, a speacial request in honour of our beloved supreme being known as Mary Whitehouse

The request is in her honour

If the allmost constantly triggered offended by us,

Who indeed walk amongst us unfortunately !

Could thee ask whoever blesses 🙌 🙄 the speacial request for a particular speacial date 📅 every year to honour the speacial place in our hearts the very essence of Mary Whitehouse had in our memories when we were all blessed to have experienced and known when we were blessed that she had the intellectual wisdom and her oh so feminine feet to once have walked 🚶‍♀️ wondrous earth 🌎 amongst us,

Mere Mortals as yourselves
It feels to allmost constantly offended triggered amongst us that she was like akin as spiritual intellectual visionary being,

We saw wish we our parents had created us had their nudge nudge wink wink say no more stuff like back in the day 70s era

So we could indeed experince and walk the land that oh so supreme loved mortal being Mary Whitehouse walked 🚶‍♀️ too, so we could experince the very air she even breathed let alone hear her speak and maybe even the lucky ones ,even witness her lurking in the BBC hallowed esteemed corridors at every twist and turn oh long may her memory live on for evermore such a wondrous thought and we will endeavour to do this we can guarantee this 💯 per cent

LAMPS1 · 08/04/2023 08:22

dittbtdity
Thank you, I read it completely wrongly.

BCBird · 08/04/2023 08:25

😫 to her not u

Kaiserchief · 08/04/2023 08:27

She sounds like hard work. If you’re going to have 4 kids, people are going to lump them together!

Goodread1 · 08/04/2023 08:30

If thee speacial request is accepted

By whom it ever 😟concerns?

Can the general public who ever interested wear adopt Ah la chic Mary Whitehouse look blue/purple rinse hair dye and her spectacles too

Weallgottachangesometime · 08/04/2023 08:31

Hellybelly84 · 08/04/2023 08:18

She needs help if that offends her. I really couldn’t have a friend that was such hard work. I refer to my kids as ‘me and the boys’ all the time. Would she like you to individually name them when you send a quick text to invite them over?

Did it “offend” her friend though? Op just said she asked to to not call them the boys. Op has assumed the friend is offended Because she doesn’t actually know why she asked her not to use the term ‘Boys’.

I wonder if op is making this in to a bigger deal than it is.

Xarrie · 08/04/2023 08:33

Why didn't you ask her why not?

Fiddlestick1959 · 08/04/2023 08:33

Your not being unreasonable, she has now created tension between you and her over a stupid issue between “you” and “the” it’s petty and silly. I have huge issue’s with GD with this nonsense and it’s driving a wedge between my son and his SD and his OH. I would be avoiding her in future it’s her own fault if she loses friends for being petty and most definitely woke.

Runninginhotpants · 08/04/2023 08:34

saraclara · 08/04/2023 07:23

There are four of them. Would you really say "would Tom, Harry, William and George like to come round and play tomorrow?" Or " would Tom, Harry, William and George like a drink?"

OP, if her children were a combination of girls and boys, how would you refer to them? Do that.
She's being precious, but it's hardly a difficult problem to resolve.

Show quote history

This! It’s completely unrealistic and unnatural.

OP, invite them over again, and you can do a reenactment of the Catherine Tate gooseberry and cinnamon yoghurt sketch.

’Tom, would you like some apple and mango juice?… Harry, Tom and I are having some apple and mango juice, would you like some apple and mango juice?’

That should be just the right amount of passive aggressiveness to piss her right off.

WonderingWanda · 08/04/2023 08:34

Just call them kids from now on. If you slip up she will just need to get over it.

Has she actively been off with you since? It sounds like she's got a bee in her bonnet and wants to have a fight over it. The best thing you can do is act like it hasn't happened. Ignore her posturing, avoid using the term boys like she has asked.

She isn't unreasonable to ask that but she is unreasonable to be a massive twat about it after asking you not to.

gkd1234 · 08/04/2023 08:37

It's interesting that if you had said "you guys" instead of "you boys" - it could apply to any gender (but the true meaning isn't actually genderless). Would that offend too?

LakeTiticaca · 08/04/2023 08:38

Nah sounds like too much hard work, having to police normal language in case you offend someone by calling her sons "boys"
I wouldn't be inviting them again which is a shame since the children get on well.

CovertImage · 08/04/2023 08:39

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 04:30

Massive over thinking there. Referring to a child as a little boy or little girl is not making their sex the most important thing about them. It's just not that deep, you know?

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Not so much over thinking as positively tortuous

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/04/2023 08:40

emptythelitterbox · 08/04/2023 03:07

Next time call them the girls.

I'd be tempted to do this - especially as she hasn't even had the courtesy today why she objects to it.

Though actually - no, next time I might not. Because there might be no "next time" if she's going to be like this.

Frankly if she was going to get shirty over something gender-related (it might not be - could be some other reason), I wouldn't want her . . . goys? . . . birls? . . . whatever coming into contact with my own children and perhaps confusing them

I'm happy for kids of either sex to smash gender stereotypes, but people do not change sex, and I wouldn't want that dogma preached in my home.

Of course, it may be just that they are growing up and she prefers you to call them "the kids", in which case, fine.

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/04/2023 08:43

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 08/04/2023 04:29

You could try calling them “people of (her name ) vagina. “

Oh - I quite like that suggestion.

Though I'd probably say "The fruit of your womb". 😁

Xtraincome · 08/04/2023 08:44

Call them "offspring" which alludes to nothing other than the fact she birthed them.

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/04/2023 08:47

thegrain · 08/04/2023 06:20

Yes it annoyed me too.

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I have two sisters.

It's never bothered me.

Quent · 08/04/2023 08:48

So many people would really cut a friend off just for making a single request about the language you use around her kids, without even knowing why? Talk about being touchy, too easily offended and hard work.

VWHoliday · 08/04/2023 08:49

She's hardwork.

I would have asked why though because it would have irrated me when she said it.

Custardslices · 08/04/2023 08:50

There's more to worry about in life than this.

She is not your friend she's a ungrateful CF. Leave this one in the trash, find a better friend

gonkk · 08/04/2023 08:50

i honestly would just stop being friends with her. I can't get involved with this shit. Her poor kids, they're probably going to grow up confused about their gender / sex.

For reference I'm 28 and my sister is 32, we still get called 'the girls' and my brothers, 20 and 24 get called 'the boys'.

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