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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child in Nando's

240 replies

Neverhappyalwayshopeful · 08/04/2023 01:46

Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable.

We are parents to an 8 month old and almost 12 year old. This evening we went out for a quick dinner at Nando's. The eldest was at a play date so was just the 3 of us on a table for 4. The table next to us was a couple and a young child aged between 2 and 3. They had plenty of seating and a high chair available for the girl to use. They chose to all sit on the bench side of the table presumably to sit together. I was also sat on the bench side of our table with an empty seat next to me. I put my bag there. Hubby was sat opposite and our baby was in the pushchair in the space next to him as he can't sit in one of those wooden high chairs just yet.

The little girl from the table next to us was constantly walking along the bench, coming to our table, scraping a fork along the back wall and asking her parents for our food. My husband asked her parents and then offered her a snack from our sons snack box at one point to try and appease her. She didn't want that, she wanted our food. It made our meal really awkward. I didn't say anything rude but tried to politely diffuse the situation by engaging with her, making conversation back and also telling her that her dinner was at her table and her chips were waiting for her etc etc. A few minutes later, she was back again and this time was standing on my handbag which i had placed on the empty seat next to me (on our table). As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! Of course I did move it but to somehow phrase it as though I should move my belongings from a seat that belongs to our table when in fact his child was trampling on my handbag felt cheeky! It was a very expensive handbag too but even if it wasn't, I would have been just as annoyed. There wasn't even an apology!

Generally, I like to think that I'm not one of those parents who judges others or expects children to behave perfectly but this situation really annoyed me. I expected the parents to take some ownership of their child's behaviour and try to manage it. DH thinks it's just a case of a child behaving like a child and that the parents didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to interrupt another family the way we were continually interrupted today. If the parents were trying and the girl was just being inquisitive, I genuinely wouldn't have minded. It's the lack of trying and no acknowledgment for the fact that we were being inconvenienced that is irritating. Even a simple, I'm so sorry she's going through a phase of blah blah blah.

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?

OP posts:
mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 18:29

I'd have probably started off the same way as you, but the handbag incident would have been the last straw.. my specs would have probably been in there.. I do try & stay calm, even an incident in church where a neighbours' grandchildren ran behind me, my kids & my mum on the pew, stomping on coats at the same time.. nothing was said, no apologies, no calling them back.. sigh.

itsjustnotok · 09/04/2023 18:33

Sleepyandconfused · 08/04/2023 01:51

It sounds like you were really nice to the child. Good for you. Kids are annoying but they’re just kids. The parents should have done something but maybe they were relieved that you were being so lovely about it? I always try to be nice to parents with annoying kids as we have all been there when kids go through the annoying phase.

Seriously????? Sorry but no matter how stressed I might feel I have never allowed my kids to behave like that. It’s disgraceful and the parents should have been assertive and sorted it. Yes it’s crap when kids are annoying but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to destroy someone else’s meal out. We might have ‘all been kids’ once but that’s not an excuse for not trying to sort out asking for food and standing on bags.

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 18:38

i dont know whats happened in the last 40 odd years but this just wouldnt happen back then

its like people cant be bothered to parent anymore

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 18:39

Messyhair321 · 09/04/2023 18:13

I had a very annoying child & in all honesty I was grateful for any break I could get.
That said the standing on your bag is a bit odd & in your shoes now I would've felt the same.

However you could have said something at the time, why didn't you?

Even "getting a break" by letting your child annoy complete strangers in a restaurant?

Turnipworkharder · 09/04/2023 18:44

The parents were totally to blame.

All the people saying why didn't you this or that are missing the point.

The child's parents shouldn't have allowed their child to take food off people's plates, nor be walking on chairs , basically annoying other diners.

Poor lazy parenting.

TheLostNights · 09/04/2023 18:48

YANBU.
Parents need to start teaching their child some social skills as that is not OK.
Many would not have been as polite.

nannykatherine · 09/04/2023 18:48

Parents are annoying

Dibbydoos · 09/04/2023 18:53

I would have spoken directly to the parents, CFrs letting their kid disturb you whilst eating.

No wonder kids grow up unable to cope when thier parents lack respect and dint instill that in their kids!

Fantasmagoricalan · 09/04/2023 18:58

You sound nice, the kid sounds annoying, the parents sound shit and ineffectual.

Messyhair321 · 09/04/2023 19:00

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 18:39

Even "getting a break" by letting your child annoy complete strangers in a restaurant?

Show quote history

No. I was just giving an explanation of what might have been happening with the parents.

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 19:01

Messyhair321 · 09/04/2023 19:00

No. I was just giving an explanation of what might have been happening with the parents.

Show quote history

Sorry, I read it wrong.

Phos · 09/04/2023 19:14

I think you were more than accommodating and those parents needed to do some parenting. A child coming to say hello is ok once but constantly walking up and down the bench isn't on and asking for your food is beyond rude.

oosha · 09/04/2023 19:15

To be honest some people don’t have any boundaries or manners, in that kind of situ I’m usually a little unpleasant, I find it makes the point and stops the behaviour quickly. I’m not saying it’s right and the best way, but some people just don’t get it and never will.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/04/2023 19:37

You were way too nice than I’d have been. None of my DNephews (almost 5 and 2) and DNiece (6) would do this with or without their parents and their parents would be appalled if they did it.

Feral child but let down by parents not parenting. See so much of this though.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/04/2023 19:41

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 18:38

i dont know whats happened in the last 40 odd years but this just wouldnt happen back then

its like people cant be bothered to parent anymore

To be fair it’s not all parents. But the ones you do see with their kids they let behave like this, stand out a mile. Certain places with kids in it, I now actively avoid dining in, and it’s not always cheaper venues like Hungry Horse, Harvester - I wouldn’t normally eat there but some friends with kids do.

CrazyLadie · 09/04/2023 19:45

Neverhappyalwayshopeful · 08/04/2023 01:46

Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable.

We are parents to an 8 month old and almost 12 year old. This evening we went out for a quick dinner at Nando's. The eldest was at a play date so was just the 3 of us on a table for 4. The table next to us was a couple and a young child aged between 2 and 3. They had plenty of seating and a high chair available for the girl to use. They chose to all sit on the bench side of the table presumably to sit together. I was also sat on the bench side of our table with an empty seat next to me. I put my bag there. Hubby was sat opposite and our baby was in the pushchair in the space next to him as he can't sit in one of those wooden high chairs just yet.

The little girl from the table next to us was constantly walking along the bench, coming to our table, scraping a fork along the back wall and asking her parents for our food. My husband asked her parents and then offered her a snack from our sons snack box at one point to try and appease her. She didn't want that, she wanted our food. It made our meal really awkward. I didn't say anything rude but tried to politely diffuse the situation by engaging with her, making conversation back and also telling her that her dinner was at her table and her chips were waiting for her etc etc. A few minutes later, she was back again and this time was standing on my handbag which i had placed on the empty seat next to me (on our table). As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! Of course I did move it but to somehow phrase it as though I should move my belongings from a seat that belongs to our table when in fact his child was trampling on my handbag felt cheeky! It was a very expensive handbag too but even if it wasn't, I would have been just as annoyed. There wasn't even an apology!

Generally, I like to think that I'm not one of those parents who judges others or expects children to behave perfectly but this situation really annoyed me. I expected the parents to take some ownership of their child's behaviour and try to manage it. DH thinks it's just a case of a child behaving like a child and that the parents didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to interrupt another family the way we were continually interrupted today. If the parents were trying and the girl was just being inquisitive, I genuinely wouldn't have minded. It's the lack of trying and no acknowledgment for the fact that we were being inconvenienced that is irritating. Even a simple, I'm so sorry she's going through a phase of blah blah blah.

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?

I'm with you on this one, it's not that when their child get hurts as happened today with me. Was also sottung at a bench and the coupwm with about an 8 year old girl were taking up the 2 tables next to me, said child practically climbed on top of me and li med me with her littleDM's (no apology from parenta or child) to get on the bench then they left her sitting between tables rather that at either table her parents had sprawled along. I went to put my bag over my head and was talking and facing my child and as I pulled my bag down I accidentally elbow said child in the head, I at least had the decency to apologise. Mother was glowering at me but if child had been sat properly at a table as they should be there would have been lots of space for me to move about

Streamside · 09/04/2023 20:46

Your DH shouldn't have offered this child food but I'd also have asked to be moved.
I've just spent an Easter lunch with the 2yr old grandchild being the only subject of conversation throughout the meal and his every move in the highchair being watched and commented on. This child's father was showing the same attitude when he suggested you move your bag.

Isinglass20 · 09/04/2023 20:48

OP you’re overthinking the situation. Next time say to the child firmly with a smile: No you’re not having our meal. Now go back to your mummy and daddy and get off my bag “ if the child starts bawling so what !

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 09/04/2023 21:02

YANBU. The parents need to teach the child how to behave in a restaurant, and walking along the seats and asking for strangers’ food is not the way to behave. We would not have allowed our children to behave like this, although saying that our kids were a nightmare to take out for dinner when they were younger.

SaponificationQueen · 09/04/2023 21:03

YANBU in the least. I usually go to the management if it’s not resolvable any other way. I would definitely have told the parents they need to keep their kid under control. I just don’t understand parents not parenting these days. I guaranteed my parents would not have put up with such bad behavior.

There is a pretty decent Mexican restaurant not far from my house. The last time I went there, the waitress pointed to a table and I sat down. She brought me an iced tea. They were booth seats made of wood to look a bit like logs. There was a kid at the next table that turned around towards me and kept jumping up and down. The parent at the table just kept staring at me waiting for me to say something. When the waitress came back to take my order, I asked her if she could possibly talk to the parent about the child. She told me I didn’t have to sit there and I could move. This wasn’t the first issue I had at the restaurant, so I said I would be very happy to move, right out the door and not come back. The waitress was a jerk about it. I haven’t been back since.

Similar thing happened at a Chinese Restaurant. Some family was allowing their child to scream at the top of their lungs. I asked the waitress to talk to them. She told me that she couldn’t talk to them about it because they were customers. I told her I was one too and had been coming their quite often for many years. I told her they could count on me not coming back. I haven’t.

ChocChipHandbag · 09/04/2023 21:24

What in the name of all that is holy possessed you to take a £5,000 handbag [faints] to Nando's?

I mean, I absolutely agree with you that the family were out of order and I'd have been annoyed if the kid had trampled on my pleather satchel from River Island but, but.....just why?

Yummymummy2020 · 09/04/2023 21:28

Op I have two young kids and I wouldn’t dream of allowing them to do this at all- unbelievably rude of the parents to allow it.

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 21:33

ChocChipHandbag · 09/04/2023 21:24

What in the name of all that is holy possessed you to take a £5,000 handbag [faints] to Nando's?

I mean, I absolutely agree with you that the family were out of order and I'd have been annoyed if the kid had trampled on my pleather satchel from River Island but, but.....just why?

She could have taken it to the local Harvester and still expect not to have it trampled on by the kid at the next table.

KarmaStar · 09/04/2023 21:34

Yanbu the parents were for not controlling child.so rude.
but
Yabu for using title " hubby" 😀

Popuppilot · 09/04/2023 21:40

OP you've made it into the daily mirror 🤦‍♀️