Lady on holiday

[StarryBarry]

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

Perhaps the lady wanted to enjoy her holiday and watch the singer too? You admit your child talks on and on.. why would you allow him to latch on to other families at events? Sounds irritating.

you can call him back “ if he’s a problem »? Please don’t let your child hear you describe him this way. I don’t think you should describe him like that to anyone tbh

The children i know who go to anyone at chat straightaway from around they age still are not NT . I’m not saying your isn’t, just setting an observation

My DD who is 5 is also a massive chatter, and chats away to people. Obviously have to teach her stranger danger, but I think watching her confidence is lovely, especially as she was 2 when covid hit and things could be very different for her. I do tend to ask parents who she is with for longer than a couple of minutes if she is OK there/ask her to come away, as not everyone appreciates this. Mostly people are happy to chat to her, or say they are. I'm always very nearby and watching or end up talking to the parents - again not everyones cup of tea, and I tend to gage it with their response then move away if needed. This lady may have said something of the ilk to your child, but children do tend to mix their words up sometimes, and if it upset him it would have come out as he perceived it. I wouldn't worry too much x

Some people are just arseholes. Shame for your DC though.

We went on holiday with our then 5 yr old last year… also a single child and a chatterbox. She loved making friends and playing in the evenings while the entertainment was on. We just told her not to go to other people’s tables…. One because it was busy and if she left the dancefloor we may lose sight of her, and two because if she wants to sit with anyone we’d rather spend time with her ourselves! It did mean that she’d bring her little friends over to our table which we were absolutely fine with though! Eventually once she’d got a couple of good friends on the holiday we spoke to the parents and allowed them to alternate between the two families tables in the evenings. She ended up with a really good friend who she’d play with at the pool as well, they’d spend some time in the pool, some with one family and then some with the other. I was actually happier when both girls were with us as I liked listening to them playing…. But agree I wouldn’t want to me left in charge of someone else’s child for the afternoon!

She sounds blunt but then we don't know how many times she tried to gently send him away, or if her own child was getting upset.

I let my children make friends and run around with other children but I call them back if they approach the parents.

I don't mean to sound harsh but as a parent with an only child for a long time (10 year age gap) I hate being left to babysit other people's children while their parents aren't there. I may be an overly anxious parent but I don't let my child run round on his own and talk to strangers at their table. I would have definitely gone over when he sat down with them. As I am quite often the other parent on this situation having someone come over and chat lets me know I'm not about to become responsible for their child while they have a lovely time.

When my two were little, we also went to family friendly resorts for our holidays. The one thing that family friendly resorts does not mean is that the other families that are there at the same time you are, want to have anything at all to do with you or your child(ren). They are there with their own family.

Make your friends during the day. Play in the pool with your new friends. Sit by the pool with them. Play sports with them. In the day time.
In the evening, stay with your own family.

When the evening entertainment was on, it used to drive me bananas when I'd be sitting down at a table with my kids and my husband to have other kids running around. It was dangerous as drinks ended up getting spilled on the floor making it a slip hazard but the parents of the kids running around didn't give a shit.

I'm so pleased that my kids are much older now and that the type of resort we now go to for our holiday doesn't have kids running or playing football (who does that when there are tables set up for evening entertainment anyway) when we're winding down of an evening.

ffs there’s no excuse to be horrible to a 5 year old kid that’s just chatting and playing with kids. Sh*t example to that persons own kids. OP it can be tough for only children I have one also, she loves chatting to other kids on holiday but I’ll always jump over and check in if I think she’s spending a long time with someone. I’ll pop over and chat to the other kids, play with them for a bit get chatting to the parents etc. don’t be too hard on your self. Don’t stop your little kid being himself just try stay a bit closer to the situation.

I think the trouble with this thread is people are seeing both extremes - being latched onto all day everyday by a strange child or telling a child to go away the moment they approach your child which isn't really anything to do with what OP has said.

I agree the woman was a bit unreasonable if she actually said what your son said but as others have mentioned, we don't know if that's the case or what else she said in the lead up to potentially eventually saying 'please go away' or whether her child was actually enjoying the interaction. The way I interpreted the scenario was that the woman and her child were sat at their table and OP's son kept coming up to them - whereas if OP's son and the woman's child were both playing together on the dance floor bit which is what happened when I was on holiday as a kid that would've been very different.

Literally no one in this thread is saying kids shouldn't make friends with each other but parents standing around a football field while all their kids play together is very different to a family being approached multiple times by one child when you're trying to chill in the evening.

A lot of posters are also latching onto the whole 'it was only 10 minutes' - it was only 10 minutes because the woman sent him back, 10 minutes could've easily turned into 30 then the whole night if she'd allowed him to carry on. How was she to know he wouldn't latch onto her and her child like other posters have described? She didn't want him there, she's not nasty or vile for wanting to chill in the evening on the holiday that she's paid for.

OP you seem to have dipped on this thread which is fair enough but my only advice would be that if he's playing with other children in the pool, in the park etc. then it's probably fine but if he's approaching a family all the time you do need to intervene. Some posters have said they'd be happy for him to do so, great, but it is good to double-check as everyone is different.

Also I come from a large family myself and the last people I wanted to play with on holidays was my siblings that I spent every waking moment with! Those holiday friendships with new kids my age were the best ❤️

I think it’s best to check if your child is there for over 5 mins or so - but think some of the responses have been really harsh. Think it’s lovely that your child is so friendly and outgoing and it will hold them in good stead as they grow. They just, unfortunately, will learn that not everyone is so friendly or kind.

Harsh responses from antisocial weirdos here as always.

But also some good tips on how to help your child navigate whether he is really welcome or not. Best one being, let him and the other child meet on neutral ground (smile at the other child, let them know he’s available to play if they are, but don’t stand at their table unless invited).

Fully agree, I wouldn’t and haven’t been adverse to having other children sit with us or play together in the shade and I’ve had the same kindness shown to my daughter many times.
we’ve even gone out to dinner with other families on holidays and the children have sat together at the dinner table.
It’s a great thing when children are confident enough to make friends with the others.
Theres a lot of unkindness towards others in this thread.

As explained in extenso already, maybe your DS was a bit too much for the other family. But you could go to them, explain to them your DS is a chatterbox and likes company, and try making an arrangement where the children can play together but maybe not at the dinnertable nor the whole time? Maybe they could see each-other in the afternoon?

Sounds like u were expecting the other family to look after yr child no wonder they were annoyed, no one wants to be saddled with someone else’s child whilst they r on holiday.

@QuertyGirl its not about not speaking to my children in weeks (I’m lucky if I get five minutes 😂) but life certainly is busier these days! We make time to socialise with friends and we’re always going to birthday parties/ play dates / soft play / activities that involve the kids playing and making friends - all lovely. It’s also lovely for us to spend time as a family too. I certainly don’t appreciate children latching on to us on days out or at restaurants etc if we are trying to have some time together. I think children at that age will obviously struggle to notice when is an appropriate time to approach so it’s up to adults really to point them in the right direction. Their parents should be mindful of them not interfering with other families at a set up like the OP described, that’s all.

Is your child likely to have mixed words up? It's so hard to tell. I think my 4 year old would use the same words if it had literally just happened. If that woman said that she is out of order and you should tell him she was unkind and it's not his fault.

It's no excuse to be rude or cruel to a young child. It can really dent their confidence. There are ways to say things without being unkind to a child.

And she will tell the OP that SHE is out of order and it's her fault for not parenting her child appropriately. What is gained from this for either party?

I used to love it when dd made friends on holiday and would not have said this ...how rude!

I suppose some would say im a lazy parent who palms my kids off onto others if i used to let dd make friends...not at all....i used to parent whilst she played....the joy of kids making friends is that both families can chill whilst keeping a watchful eye for safety or fights etc.

And that’s absolutely fine as has been said many times on this thread.
The point is that the child was interrupting a family by going over to their table and talking to them for 10 minutes when they were trying to watch a show while the child’s parent just sat at their table and did nothing and just allowed the child to continue disturbing them.
There is a time and a place for children to make friends like at the pool or the beach etc. But allowing your child to run about while people are trying to watch a show and then go over to another family’s table and start talking to them while they’re trying to watch the show while the child’s parent is sat back enjoying the show while allowing their child to disturb another family isn’t fair really.

I have a 5 year old and know he can get things very wrong 😂😂 most likely she didn’t say that. I wouldn’t let other people’s comments get to you too much think they are being a bit harsh. Maybe you could have gone up and asked if everything was ok but don’t beat yourself up x

Children. I had taken myself out to a restaurant. I was eating when a child marched up to me, plonked her elbows on my table and said watcha eating. I'm afraid I ignored her not being in the mood for a child. Father took her away. I moved to another table.