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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 08/04/2023 01:14

I'm an only child and I always talked to people when my parents and I went on holiday- other children at the beach or pool, adults who were staying in our hotel. My parents used to stop me but I wanted other company and liked to learn about new people. It's hard being an only child I think.

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 08/04/2023 01:18

I think this was incredibly mean. I understand people may not want random kids joining their group or whatever, but to say that to a happy chatty 5 year old is horrid. My DD is 6 and is so chatty and confident, I'd be so gutted for her if this happened. I hope your little boy is still happy enough 😊

Ktime · 08/04/2023 01:20

As you say he is an endless talker, I suppose she may have got fed up and said that. It’s not a very nice thing to say, she should have just sent him back a bit more kindly.

I would try and keep DS preoccupied with other kids and activities and give her a wide berth, with no friendly smiles or nods.

Hellybelly84 · 08/04/2023 01:22

I think its fine for them to play in kids clubs etc, but many families just want time together on holiday, especially as the kids are only young. I would be annoyed if I was sitting as a family in the evening and a random child was hanging around our table.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 01:34

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:10

Fair point - there was a singer which made it awkward to get up and speak but agree this would be helpful and we should have. He didn’t ever sit down with them but inbetween running around he kept going back to stand by their table

Show quote history

How was it awkward for you to get up and speak, but fine for your child to run about chatting to other guests?

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 01:39

The other child was talking back as was the mum. He is such a talker though he’d talk at them endlessly with little encouragement
Yeah, sorry, nobody wants your 5 year old talking at them endlessly while you sit a few tables away enjoying the show. Honestly!
Did you really need to have this explained to you?

ShandaLear · 08/04/2023 01:40

She likely wanted to spend some quality family time with her child and didn’t want to play childminder for yours.

thedogsmum · 08/04/2023 02:13

This reminds me of a holiday I had with my daughter when she was 4 - another girl about 6 latched onto us whenever we went to the pool.

She was with her mother and grandmother who didn't play with her, at least never when I was there, I felt sorry for her but she was really pushy - told me her mum said it was OK for her to come to the beach with us, come to our apartment for lunch etc. which I always said no to. Her mother and grandmother never spoke to me at all other than a nod when I would drop her back to them when we left the pool area.

The experience made me very wary of other kids latching onto us - I was happy for my daugter to make friends in the pool/ playground but I didn't entertain them after this experience.

NatashaDancing · 08/04/2023 02:17

sandgrown · 08/04/2023 00:06

There are some mean people on here . When we go away my grandsons like to
play football. We always end up with another child/ children watching from the sidelines and we ask them to join in or they ask us . We have had some great multinational teams while abroad. Language has never been a barrier .

As the parent of an only child, thank you. Mine is all grown up and whilst I wouldn't have let him run around tables I'm glad there were parents who were like you in parks and beaches.

thedogsmum · 08/04/2023 02:18

As PPs have said, if she did use those words she was very rude, but your son may be misquoting - she may have told him to go back to you, that her son wasn't going to play with him as it was late, or something like that.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 02:26

NatashaDancing · 08/04/2023 02:17

As the parent of an only child, thank you. Mine is all grown up and whilst I wouldn't have let him run around tables I'm glad there were parents who were like you in parks and beaches.

Show quote history

To be fair, that scenario is completely different to letting him run around tables while you sit nearby, relaxing.

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 02:27

Personally I find it irritating when other parents seem to think it’s ok to let their child come and hang around our table (or wherever we just happen to be at the time).
I feel like I’m having to watch their kid for them which is not my responsibility! Yes the woman may have been wrong in what she said, however she may have told your DS multiple times before that her child didn’t want to play. It would frustrate me if i didn’t want someone else’s child hanging around but that child’s parent made no effort to come and get them. I’m not their babysitter and I really don’t get parents who let their child run around and hang about with other people. I think you should have gone over to check to see if she was ok with your child intruding on their evening.

EmmaAmeliasMum · 08/04/2023 02:29

GooglyEyeballs · 07/04/2023 23:12

In all honesty i think it's rude when parents let their children approach other people's tables.

This, a million times.

tolerable · 08/04/2023 02:33

tough
you(and them)paid or holiday-not the company

Callixte · 08/04/2023 02:48

Is your child upset about it? If not, I'd let it go completely - he may have misheard or misunderstood, especially over loud music. She may not have been a fluent or confident speaker of English. Or it might have been plain speaking after a few gentler requests. You'll probably never know.

I'd think he'll likely have forgotten about it by morning, but if he is still upset I'd just reassure him it wasn't personal - you could suggest that perhaps the other child was tired or the mother wanted him to herself for a bit.

DoSitUpForAChat · 08/04/2023 02:49

Other people's children are annoying. I like kids, but keep your small child to yourself.

EsmeSusanOgg · 08/04/2023 02:59

Sherrystrull · 08/04/2023 00:23

The lady was rude. I'd have said something like
'It's been lovely talking to you but now it's time for you to go back to your family.'

Exactly. What a nasty thing to say to a young child.

WitheredandOld · 08/04/2023 03:22

Next time dont let your child hover by another table and you won’t have this problem. She clearly wanted him to leave.

mathanxiety · 08/04/2023 04:45

Agree with all those who have said you shouldn't have let your child bother the other family.

Also, you need to make strenuous efforts to stop him 'chattering away' at people. Otherwise, he'll get a lot of people telling him in exasperation to 'Go away'. This will be a sad experience for your child.

I'd say he reported an accurate account of what the other mother said to him. This woman had nothing to lose on holiday - the chances of ever meeting you or DS again are slim to none. There was no need to be anything but blunt and direct.

TimeForMeToF1y · 08/04/2023 05:05

sandgrown · 08/04/2023 00:06

There are some mean people on here . When we go away my grandsons like to
play football. We always end up with another child/ children watching from the sidelines and we ask them to join in or they ask us . We have had some great multinational teams while abroad. Language has never been a barrier .

That's your choice, it's not mean to make a different choice. The last thing I'd want on a holiday with my children is to have to take on someone else's especially one that doesn't stop talking. Just thinking about it is stressful as it's not what my children are like

We don't know for sure what the lady said and of course she shouldnt have been rude but I can empathise with the feeling of not wanting a child latching on to my holiday

LAMPS1 · 08/04/2023 05:09

Hard to say who was BU.
I think it’s good your child can make friends and chat away so easily but two points I would make here.
There is a time and a place for allowing your child to run around with other children he’s just made friends with. Was it OK for children to run around while the entertainment was on ? Or was it an a opportunity to teach him that it’s bad manners to disturb the entertainment part of the evening by running around or talking. Maybe he needed to be in his seat listening and watching at that point. You could have brought something with you for him to entertain himself quietly, at the table for that part of the evening. It’s not the job of another family to entertain your DS especially if you haven’t checked it’s ok with them.

It sounds like your son is incredibly friendly and trusting of strangers so you need to be extra mindful that not everyone is friendly back and a minority can’t be trusted. Knowing he is so sociable, it’s important he knows about stranger danger as well as good manners. I would keep a close eye on him in the resort and be sure you can trust the people he is chatting with. Hopefully he will make good friends and be safe but some people might take advantage of his friendliness while others could find him intrusive or disturbing of their family time.
With an extremely friendly and chatty child it’s even harder to do your job to make sure he’s safe and protected from harm (including hurtful comments) and situations where he’s not welcome. He’s too young yet to discern this for himself so best to make sure you are in control from the outset.

headstone · 08/04/2023 05:47

If she did say that or something similar she is a really mean person and mean behaviour can affect children for the rest of their lives.

Bucketheadbucketbum · 08/04/2023 06:10

Sparklybutold · 08/04/2023 00:00

Personally I find it really annoying when some other kid comes hanging around and you inadvertently become parent by proxy. This happens a lot at my local soft play - I'm there with my kid and before I know it I have inherited some other kids who all want me to play with them. I tend to firmly say no and get them to ask whoever they've come with.

100% this

All of a sudden you are responsible for someone's random annoying child

Bucketheadbucketbum · 08/04/2023 06:11

Mumofnarnia · 08/04/2023 02:27

Personally I find it irritating when other parents seem to think it’s ok to let their child come and hang around our table (or wherever we just happen to be at the time).
I feel like I’m having to watch their kid for them which is not my responsibility! Yes the woman may have been wrong in what she said, however she may have told your DS multiple times before that her child didn’t want to play. It would frustrate me if i didn’t want someone else’s child hanging around but that child’s parent made no effort to come and get them. I’m not their babysitter and I really don’t get parents who let their child run around and hang about with other people. I think you should have gone over to check to see if she was ok with your child intruding on their evening.

Exactly. Not everyone thinks your child is cute. She was probably jist trying to relax. You shouldn't have let him keep going to their table.

temperedolive · 08/04/2023 06:14

headstone · 08/04/2023 05:47

If she did say that or something similar she is a really mean person and mean behaviour can affect children for the rest of their lives.

I think it's really unreasonable to expect someone to always welcome the presence of any random child for fear of scarring them for life. We don't all raise each other's children.

It's possible this woman was extracting her own child from an uncomfortable situation. She could see signs in her own child that OP was unfamiliar with that meant ger child was becoming overstimulated or overwhelmed or simply really didn't want to play. In that case, she protected her child, which is her responsibility. It's OP's job to protect her own child by making sure his presence is welcome when he chooses to interact with strangers.