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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
DannyZukosSmile · 09/04/2023 20:22

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 19:50

It's not kids making friends people object to? Haven't you read any of the thread?

It's when a very young child/toddler who needs adult involvement is allowed to attach itself to another adult while his/her parents use the interlude to relax with a drink, watching the live entertainment.
Which is probably what the parent who got lumped with their kid was hoping to do.

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@ReadersD1gest

This. ^ Agree totally. Unfortunately, some parents can't be fucked to look after their OWN children, and will palm them off onto anyone who is daft enough/soft enough to look after them for them, while the lazy 'parents' just relax and chill and get pissed.

You can tell who the parents on this thread are, who palm their children off onto others. Wink

T1Dmama · 09/04/2023 20:37

I wouldn’t worry about it… if he’d been upset by it at the time he’d have come back crying and told you straight away. The fact he’s waited till you got home probably means he’s exaggerated it in his mind.

I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that your son was playing with other kids, we’ve been going on holiday for years and that’s generally what kids do!! I wouldn’t want a random kid to sit at our table all evening while their parents drank at the bar…. But if our kids were playing together on the dance floor I can’t see the issue.

This is the issue today… people are so unkind and unfriendly… then wonder why so many kids have friendship issues and anxiery

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 20:41

Solonge · 09/04/2023 20:14

God you are unpleasant. Do you always kick off by being so rude? Yes i read the thread….hence my comment that i was surprised by the overwhelming number of people objecting to having kids make friends by coming to their table! You made the comment about ‘toddlers joining tables and children needing looking after’ thats not what the op wrote, that what you made up.

She talked about her child running around with other kids and going to the childs parents table, but not sitting down. I was with my son and his kids in Cyprus last year, this is exactly what all the kids were doing, running around together and stopping off at different tables. Maybe we were lucky. It seemed to be a resort filled with friendly pleasant people who enjoyed their children having fun and making friends.

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I haven't either kicked off or been rude? Can pinpoint exactly what I've said that's offensive, rather than a generic "You're unpleasant", please?

amispeakingintongues · 09/04/2023 21:44

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/04/2023 08:46

Responses to this post do make me quite sad. We've always made friends on holidays, children have latched onto ours and vice versa. Especially when from different countries, it's an enriching experience to play with children from other cultures. Why go to other countries if you want to keep yourselves to yourselves? When did we become so insular?

If we've ever felt boundaries were being crossed we've always said if it's us or checked if it's the other family (my husband's country is known for being quite direct, so there's less of this verbal faffing about we Brits do).

That said, the important thing is to always check even if it's with a wave, thumbs up or come hither flap of the arm. People will usually indicate if it's a bother and it can be quickly resolved without cross feelings.

It does make me feel sad that people are so closed off. Yes you want to spend time with your family, but sometimes by connecting with others you connect with yourselves and your family too as it brings a fresh perspective and experiences to bond over.

Exactly this.

what a depressing thread.

CelestiaNoctis · 09/04/2023 22:12

I dunno, kids are annoying. I wouldn't take it personally and just try and teach him when kids don't wanna play. It's hard though. My 7 year old just talks to any kid she sees like on a carousel recently she sat next to the only other kids and started chatting. The brother was happy to talk but the teenage sister looked mad and dismissive. She's 7 so I couldn't make her move but after I did remind her to remember to focus on people's faces and if they look like they are happy to be friends. It's tricky but yeah, I wouldn't take it personally, I doubt she really said that. And if she did then it's an important lesson that sometimes people are mean.

igor · 09/04/2023 22:19

I don't understand why you couldn't possibly go over and check the parents were okay with this because of 'A Singer' but the other family couldn't enjoy the same entertainment as your child will talk constantly?

stacyvaron · 10/04/2023 03:46

I don't think it's sweet or charming to have a child running through the dining room and coming to my table to chatter away. I'm pleasant to them because they're children, but terribly annoyed with their parents who seem to assume that their little darlings should be welcomed wherever they go.

Ohhoho · 10/04/2023 08:40

I can’t believe what I’m reading here. First of all ‘lady’ you call a man a man why can’t you call a woman a woman? It’s as though it isn’t polite.
anyway that is not the point. If any of my children made friends on holiday I was very welcoming it is their space their time. I remember camping in France and mine being invited to lunch and feeling quite envious. And if a child in their inexperienced way joined us to want to be friends I cannot imagine being so cruel as to turn them away. How humiliating for the poor soul. Your son was right to be friendly, they didn’t deserve him.

wellhi · 10/04/2023 08:42

It's a hard one.

On the one hand, she shouldn't have said to a child, but I suspect maybe she wasn't as rude/blunt as to it child has interpreted it. I would hope not.

I have kids who love to chat. But one of them in particular can be bad for just monologuing at people so I do have to keep an eye and bring him back when he is getting too much.

As an aside, I do find it mind boggling just quite how annoying kids can be (my own included). Just this week I've had a 5 year old at an airport mansplaining to me about what Xbox games I should and shouldn't let my kids play (they don't even have an Xbox). After 5 minutes I desperately just wanted him to fuck off. Their complete lack of boundaries can be incredibly jarring when you are used to dealing with adults who usually have some semblance of "I suspect they might find me irritating, I'll back off now."

It is hard for only children though. I do sympathise with them but I do feel that sometimes parents of onlys, particularly on holiday, have an expectation that other kids are there to entertain theirs. I have found this particularly trying on occasion when an only child has attached into us, which I'm ok with, but then tries to exclude my youngest child. That really, really bothers me, and if they don't listen to my requests not to do it, I take my kids away to another spot.

Georgia71 · 10/04/2023 11:06

At the end of the day, you were having a nice relaxing time while your child was being entertained by someone else. Ideal for you, not really fair on the other parents who you do not know anything about & have never met. Children do not usually pick up on subtle instructions- You have to be very clear that it’s time for them to leave so that they learn boundaries and what is appropriate behaviour- really this is your job, not a complete stranger who is on their holiday.

angela99999 · 10/04/2023 12:12

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:10

Fair point - there was a singer which made it awkward to get up and speak but agree this would be helpful and we should have. He didn’t ever sit down with them but inbetween running around he kept going back to stand by their table

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And the running around is really irritating for other people too.

angela99999 · 10/04/2023 12:14

stacyvaron · 10/04/2023 03:46

I don't think it's sweet or charming to have a child running through the dining room and coming to my table to chatter away. I'm pleasant to them because they're children, but terribly annoyed with their parents who seem to assume that their little darlings should be welcomed wherever they go.

And this too. Your DC may be little darlings as far as you are concerned, but too other people they may simply be an unwelcome pain. Look after your own children please.

MoreSleepPleasee · 10/04/2023 14:03

Yabu op it can be so annoying when someone else's kid is hovering at your table wanting to speak to you.

piesforever · 11/04/2023 21:32

I always encouraged my kids to make friends on holiday! English culture is so insular.

piesforever · 11/04/2023 21:34

This country is dreadful and hostile at times.

JLScot · 11/04/2023 21:35

Wow! Ok so the parent should have been watching tv e child but what a cruel way to speak to a child! No need for that at all

JLScot · 11/04/2023 21:37

I’m quite surprised at the responses here.
I don’t ever mind children coming to our table to chat/make friends with our children.
id quite welcome it.
Obviously if it was every evening for the whole evening it may become an issue but from what OP said, I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all

Kimmicat · 11/04/2023 21:43

I’m obviously in the minority but I wouldn’t mind at all if your child came to chat to my children and hung around our table :)
its nice for children to socialise with other children whilst on holiday and have fun :) my son is 15 now but he was definitely like your boy when he was young, he would find a friend where ever we went, the difference is that he would bring his friend/friends back to our table. No big deal :) just nice to see them having fun :)

ThisIsNotAmerican · 11/04/2023 21:59

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 20:41

I haven't either kicked off or been rude? Can pinpoint exactly what I've said that's offensive, rather than a generic "You're unpleasant", please?

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Nobody needs to pinpoint anything @ReadersD1gest . One only has to spend a bit of time on MN going through a few threads and there you are. Goading posters left right and centre from thread to thread.

You are getting a bit of a reputation. That's all that matters.

Inastatus · 11/04/2023 22:02

amispeakingintongues · 09/04/2023 21:44

Exactly this.

what a depressing thread.

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100% this with bells on!

Inastatus · 11/04/2023 22:04

@StarryBarry - YANBU

Whatisthisanyidea · 11/04/2023 22:04

I have three children and like PP often ended up lumped with another child on holiday whilst the parents looked on.

My kids aren’t there to entertain yours because you can bet me minding yours doesn’t lead to you minding mine!!

Extra work for no reward on holiday? No thanks.

Meandfour · 11/04/2023 22:07

Kimmicat · 11/04/2023 21:43

I’m obviously in the minority but I wouldn’t mind at all if your child came to chat to my children and hung around our table :)
its nice for children to socialise with other children whilst on holiday and have fun :) my son is 15 now but he was definitely like your boy when he was young, he would find a friend where ever we went, the difference is that he would bring his friend/friends back to our table. No big deal :) just nice to see them having fun :)

Your son sounds like an only child.. it’s always the only children that do this to my children.
You said “nice to see them having fun” in other words nice to see him playing with other children. Those of us who have more than 1 child don’t go away to entertain only children whose parents find it endearing because they aren’t alone.

Tactica · 11/04/2023 22:11

Whatever the rights and wrongs of a 5 year old playing with another child on holiday/being very slightly annoying/whatever, there is absolutely no need to be unkind to a child in those circumstances.

If those were her words, they were unkind and deliberately hurtful. I hope your little boy is okay and brushed it off. I don't know anyone in rl who would talk to a child like that - there are a hundred ways of dealing with it kindly.

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 22:14

I expect they were her after being filtered through a 5 year old words.