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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
GrandmaWins · 08/04/2023 11:52

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 10:47

Hardly. Nobody wants to do your parenting for you, it's as simple as that.

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And yet multiple people on here have said they don't mind other kids interacting with them and their family, so it's not a "nobody" likes this situation, is it

SerafinasGoose · 08/04/2023 11:54

DoSitUpForAChat · 08/04/2023 02:49

Other people's children are annoying. I like kids, but keep your small child to yourself.

This sounds like a variation on the theme of 'other people's kids are like farts, you don't mind your own!'

I've never minded other children playing with mine, but having them charge round my restaurant table whilst their parents simper indulgently and refuse to rein them in does infuriate me. On the beach/campground is fine, but whilst other people are trying to watch entertainment this is obviously rude (on the parents' part).

And whilst 5-YOs don't always translate what was said accurately, if OP's child got the tone right, it was really unnecessary. Even if it did happen to be the fifth time she'd told him (in which case she should have got him to point out his parents and deliver him back to them herself).

Incidentally, to quote an example above, the swimming pool is the one place I seriously wouldn't tolerate any hangers on and if necessary, I'd report it immediately to the lifeguard/resort staff and request that they speak to the parents. This is an obvious safety issue: you need eyes in the back of your head when in the water even if your kid's a competent swimmer. I'm not prepared to take on that level of safeguarding for any child other than my own.

Original poster
StarryBarry · 08/04/2023 12:00

FictionalCharacter · 08/04/2023 11:50

I agree with PPs that he shouldn’t have been running around during the show, although unfortunately it seems to be the norm now that people let their kids do that. But I agree with your dh that what she said wasn’t a nice way to talk to a child.

It’s not a formal show setting, hard to explain but there’s a collection of bars on an outdoor square. People were drinking, not eating. There is usually a singer who stands in the walkway between the bars and wanders around talking to people as part of the act (what’s your name, where are you from etc). It’s very relaxed and people chat throughout but if you get up it’s usually a cue for the act to talk to you. The far end is usually where older kids congregate and will play football or chase about. It’s a big space and always kids dashing around.

I disagree that the kids playing during the singer is them being ‘out of control’ as they are just being kids and not disrupting anything but agree we should have checked in with the parents and intervened when ds went to their table.

OP posts:
Marchitectmummy · 08/04/2023 12:02

It might be an only child thing. I think when children have siblings they tend to play with each other. I wouldn't be happy having someone else's child around us while we are relaxing. It's busy enough with your own children without adding another. If a child befriends one of ours in a pool thats of course different.

Teach your child how to pick his moment.

TruffleShuffles · 08/04/2023 12:09

Just wondering if all the parents who don’t want other children around them and will send them away care about what their own child wants? If your own child wants to play with other children and have them sit with them do you still send them away?

I can’t say I particularly want to have to make conversation with other peoples kids on holiday but my daughter loves making new friends so I make the effort for her.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 08/04/2023 12:13

TruffleShuffles · 08/04/2023 12:09

Just wondering if all the parents who don’t want other children around them and will send them away care about what their own child wants? If your own child wants to play with other children and have them sit with them do you still send them away?

I can’t say I particularly want to have to make conversation with other peoples kids on holiday but my daughter loves making new friends so I make the effort for her.

I am more than happy for my kids to play with other kids in the pool, at the park etc. Just don’t expect me to be in charge of those other kids….they’re not my responsibility.

If I wanted to be a childminder I’d have taken it as a career path. If I wanted to hold conversations with 5 year old kids on the regular I’d be a teacher.

Bucketheadbucketbum · 08/04/2023 12:16

TruffleShuffles · 08/04/2023 12:09

Just wondering if all the parents who don’t want other children around them and will send them away care about what their own child wants? If your own child wants to play with other children and have them sit with them do you still send them away?

I can’t say I particularly want to have to make conversation with other peoples kids on holiday but my daughter loves making new friends so I make the effort for her.

Children playing together is VERY different from a child with distant parents running amok between all the tables and persistently joining another family without consideration to that other family. Other people are trying to relax, they don't want an unsupervised child all over the shop

mastertomsmum · 08/04/2023 12:17

Sounds a bit of a grumpy reaction. Try not to worry about it. If the child wants to play they may come over themselves to your child, but play it fairly cool and just see what happens.

Regarding your description of your 5 yr old as ‘only child’ - that’s great and much better than having siblings to deal with at such a young age, enjoy it.

Purplepepsi · 08/04/2023 12:31

My son gets overwhelmed / anxious with other children. Others would not read the signs and he would never be rude to another child but it's up to me to protect him when things are getting too much including getting rid of other children that want to play with him because he is a nice kind kid. Obviously we are working on him being able to handle this himself but he's not there yet.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 12:34

Regarding your description of your 5 yr old as ‘only child’ - that’s great and much better than having siblings to deal with at such a young age, enjoy it.
What??

Museya15 · 08/04/2023 12:44

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 10:15

We don't even know if DC's account is accurate, so saying this lady is vile is a bit unfair.

It sounds like something a small child would say.

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I'd believe the child and yes, she's vile.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 12:45

Museya15 · 08/04/2023 12:44

I'd believe the child and yes, she's vile.

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But you could be wrong...

IceMagic · 08/04/2023 12:47

I'd have been fine with them playing with my kids and with talking to me a bit, but not with them talking at me for ten minutes or more if op underestimated how long it was.

Museya15 · 08/04/2023 12:48

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 12:45

But you could be wrong...

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Still believe the child. Vile woman.

IceMagic · 08/04/2023 12:48

I'd have said "Go off and play now" or "go back to your parents now" in a kind voice if they were being annoying

IceMagic · 08/04/2023 12:49

It's possible they were telling the truth that the child didn't want to play and he wasn't getting the message I guess

Wtfisthis1 · 08/04/2023 12:50

My son sometimes does this too. Latches on to a child at soft play for example then follows them back to their table! I kind of let him do it for a bit and then go over and bring him back. It’s hard to know if the other family are happy with it so it’s best not to let it happen for too long so you can gauge how they feel!

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 13:00

Wtfisthis1 · 08/04/2023 12:50

My son sometimes does this too. Latches on to a child at soft play for example then follows them back to their table! I kind of let him do it for a bit and then go over and bring him back. It’s hard to know if the other family are happy with it so it’s best not to let it happen for too long so you can gauge how they feel!

He shouldn't be doing it at all. Doesn't the returning to their table signal to you that they're taking a break from playing?

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 13:00

Museya15 · 08/04/2023 12:48

Still believe the child. Vile woman.

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🤣🤣🤣
Bless...

KatherineJaneway · 08/04/2023 13:08

EmilyGilmoresSass · 08/04/2023 09:27

What a horrible thing to do. My own child has learning difficulties and doesn't quite understand many social queues. I'm actually horrified anyone would admit to saying something like this, rather than maybe approaching a parent. Something like this would set my child back a lot. I've seen her waving at kids, just wanting to feel included and have them turn their heads away. Obviously they must have parents of your thinking.

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If your child does not understand social cues, then it is your job as a parent to ensure they do not bother other families inappropriately so that those families are not forced to shoo your child away.

Cherrysoup · 08/04/2023 13:31

Reminds me of an exclusively adult evening event where a friend brought her 6 year old (no advance warning) and then indulgently watched as he wandered the hall, chatting endlessly whilst she got progressively pissed. Just no!

philautia · 08/04/2023 13:33

Yes it is really annoying when a child does this, I usually just tell them to go and see their parents as they'll be wondering where they are (they never seem to be...).

Lesson learned though OP, you know not to let him do this in future.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 08/04/2023 13:42

It would irritate me massively and I would tell the other child (gently at first) to go away.

As well as adults, not all children want a strange child hanging around. One of my children really doesn’t like other children in general, and never has done since being a toddler. Even if it didn’t bother me I would have to get the child to leave, as it would make my child annoyed and upset.

It’s a bit like people who let their dog run up to people and say “he’s really friendly” I would be saying the equivalent of “well mine isn’t!!!”

pictoosh · 08/04/2023 14:28

IceMagic · 08/04/2023 12:48

I'd have said "Go off and play now" or "go back to your parents now" in a kind voice if they were being annoying

Yes and they ignore you and continue to chatter and stare and hang around...not because they're defying you but because they know mum and dad aren't wondering where they are and they don't want to go and play...they'd rather hang out with you.
Sometimes you have to spell it out.

LookItsMeAgain · 08/04/2023 14:49

@StarryBarry - what you've described is the in house evening entertainment put on by the holiday location/holiday village that you're staying in.

If I was at the other table I'd have carried on just as @Elnetthairnet suggested. By the time your DS would have returned to your table, he would only have remembered and thus only told you the last request, to basically leave the other family alone.

When I was on holiday with 2 young children, we made sure our kids were exhausted by doing activities with them during the day and then by the evening they would sit and enjoy some of the evening entertainment and they wouldn't be running around to other tables interrupting the other people's evenings.

You need to be nipping this in the bud right off. Other guests are not going to be much pleased to be unwinding of an evening only to discover that they have another child, that they have no idea where the parents of the child is located, has decided to join them. They are on holiday too.