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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
Strawberrydelight78 · 11/04/2023 22:15

Why would you let your child run around an outside entertainment with bars people walking around with drinks. Risking running into someone with a drink or knocking someone's table over? Not just spilling other people's drinks but they could have got hurt cut themselves on glass etc. The last place I want to be visiting on holiday with my child is the hospital.

MyStarBoy · 11/04/2023 22:21

YADNBU
Whatever the circumstances that's a very nasty and confusing thing to say to a little boy.
She obviously lacks the milk of human kindness.

StarryBarry · 11/04/2023 22:21

JLScot · 11/04/2023 21:37

I’m quite surprised at the responses here.
I don’t ever mind children coming to our table to chat/make friends with our children.
id quite welcome it.
Obviously if it was every evening for the whole evening it may become an issue but from what OP said, I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all

I’ve been surprised at some of them too. I recognise I was BU by not approaching the parent immediately but there’s been comparisons to taking him to an adult only wedding and abandoning him for us to be getting pissed, to him being an approaching dog and lots of talk about how we should not allow a five year old to be running around.

its a resort aimed at families, he was running around at the end where the older kids were playing football not amongst the tables .

I very swiftly approached a GM today when he started playing with her grandson in the kiddy pool. Explained he is chatty and we can call him back if he’s a problem. She gave me a very stern ‘he is fine, I’m a teacher and that’s how children learn by playing’.

OP posts:
LizzieVereker · 11/04/2023 22:23

GooglyEyeballs · 07/04/2023 23:12

In all honesty i think it's rude when parents let their children approach other people's tables.

Yes, absolutely.

Tactica · 11/04/2023 22:27

StarryBarry · 11/04/2023 22:21

I’ve been surprised at some of them too. I recognise I was BU by not approaching the parent immediately but there’s been comparisons to taking him to an adult only wedding and abandoning him for us to be getting pissed, to him being an approaching dog and lots of talk about how we should not allow a five year old to be running around.

its a resort aimed at families, he was running around at the end where the older kids were playing football not amongst the tables .

I very swiftly approached a GM today when he started playing with her grandson in the kiddy pool. Explained he is chatty and we can call him back if he’s a problem. She gave me a very stern ‘he is fine, I’m a teacher and that’s how children learn by playing’.

Honestly, OP, you sound - in the best possible way - normal, unlike some on this thread who sound about as tolerant as Ghengis Khan and probably pride themselves on using similar words to this woman. You sound mindful, considerate and willing to listen to others. Are you sure you're in the right place? Grin

I'm glad you encountered a nicer person today!

Greycloudlooming · 11/04/2023 22:31

We go camping a lot with our children and always end up with hoards of other children trying to hang around with them in our tent. Trying to eat our food. These children are all like 6 and under. My children are 14-18!! The parents don’t seem to give a shit that their kids are in a strangers tent. I don’t even think the parents even know where their children are to be honest.

I hate being a parent by proxy.
It used to always happen at soft plays and on holidays when my children were always younger.

Id never be unkind to a child but I always hint. Some of them get it and go and find their parents and some just don’t, therefore you have to be a little more blunt with them. I find a side eye dirty look at the adult they’re with usually helps.

But honestly, if you’re a parent, parent your own children. I’d ever ever dream of letting my children latch on to other families uninvited, it’s so rude!

RemoteControlDoobry · 11/04/2023 22:35

God there are some miserable buggers on here! He’s five years old and just playing and being friendly…poor little thing😔

wasacasa · 11/04/2023 22:54

I think today OP you should have been in the kids pool with your son. Great he’s playing with another child but I think you should be there with him.

StarryBarry · 11/04/2023 22:58

wasacasa · 11/04/2023 22:54

I think today OP you should have been in the kids pool with your son. Great he’s playing with another child but I think you should be there with him.

I was sat on the side of it, the granny was at the other side. It’s a shallow pool that comes below my knee so I was paddling around with him until he started playing with the other child.

OP posts:
Greycloudlooming · 11/04/2023 22:59

RemoteControlDoobry · 11/04/2023 22:35

God there are some miserable buggers on here! He’s five years old and just playing and being friendly…poor little thing😔

The other mum was on holiday too, with her own child. Why should she be providing entertainment for another person's child?
It isn’t being miserable, it’s not wanting to babysit strangers children by proxy.

The kid was upset. That’s down to its own parents, not the woman who has absolutely zero responsibility for this child or his happiness.

Look after your own children ffs.

StarryBarry · 11/04/2023 23:04

I am hiding the thread now. Too many weird ‘parent your child’ commenters who make weird assumptions/comparisons.

thanks to the helpful posters, genuinely it’s helped try to find that balance between giving him the opportunity to make friends and not imposing on others.

OP posts:
Florenz · 11/04/2023 23:08

How are kids supposed to make friends nowadays?

Bluekerfuffle · 11/04/2023 23:31

AprilFool23 · 08/04/2023 00:55

Always kind and tactful sounds awful ...... Says a lot about you.

What a strange thing to say. It does say a lot about them, but all good.

Spammage · 11/04/2023 23:43

I would just like to say I loved to see my kids make friends on holiday and play together, I even share sweets and food ( with parents consent) I'd rather my child be really happy with a friend to run around with, than bored sat next to me.
I find it really mean that people are rude about it, I have lovely memories of my holiday friends when I was little.
I would go and ask them tho if he was bothering them tho to see what she said I'm sure he will find more friends

BitOutOfPractice · 11/04/2023 23:53

I genuinely don’t mind a bit of chat with other people’s kids. I like children. I enjoy it. But after a certain amount of time, when I’m trying to relax on holiday, then enough is enough and I’d like parents to actually, y’know, parent. It becomes tiresome. Op you need to know where that boundary is. Then all is well.

EconomyClassRockstar · 12/04/2023 00:02

I am 100% on the other woman's side who was just minding her own business, trying to enjoy an evening out on holiday with her own child.

Hoolihan · 12/04/2023 00:05

I've got such fond memories of making friends on holiday and I love that my kids do it too. Last year my daughter made best friends with two little French toddlers and they all played together outside our tent each day. I think it's one of the really lovely things about being on holiday and can't understand why anyone would ever object to chatting to a 5yo for a little while on a family holiday.

Tactica · 12/04/2023 00:06

EconomyClassRockstar · 12/04/2023 00:02

I am 100% on the other woman's side who was just minding her own business, trying to enjoy an evening out on holiday with her own child.

There aren't 'sides.' Very few posters have suggested the woman was wrong to have minded the OP's son playing with her child.

A number of posters have criticised her choice to use deliberately hurtful words to a young child, when a dozen kind-but-firm options would have done.

Aussiegirl123456 · 12/04/2023 00:13

They’re not “weird” parent your own child comments though, are they? If you think that, genuinely, then you’re going to go through life annoying so many other parents who simply exist for your convenience, hey.

Children make friends playing with one another, but hovering around another family’s table, like your child was, isn’t making friends. It’s annoying the other family and you taking advantage of someone else to entertain your child. It’s entitled and lazy parenting at its finest.

It would be different if your child and her child were playing together elsewhere, like on the dance floor together or whatever.

So no, she wasn’t rude. You were. You also have absolutely no idea what she even said to your child or how many times she asked him to go back to his parents. This is where you get off your lazy ass and step in to find out if your child is bothering this family.

Sorry (actually, I’m not), sounds harsh but I’ve had YEARS of dealing with other people’s children because their parents are too lazy to find out if I’m okay providing free childcare and entertainment for their child while they sit and relax. They just assume their ‘friendly and bubbly’ child is bringing untold joy into my life by lingering around, when all I wanted to do was relax and have some special time with my own family. And I bloody love children despite how this post comes across. A lot of people don’t! But there comes a time when enough is enough.

And sometimes, just having the other parent come over and ASK if it’s okay if their precious child hanging around is ok is enough, but it’s when parents just assume that grinds my gears.

Anyway enjoy your holiday. But don’t think people asking you to entertain and parent your own child is ‘weird’, because it’s not.

Liorae · 12/04/2023 00:15

Tactica · 11/04/2023 22:11

Whatever the rights and wrongs of a 5 year old playing with another child on holiday/being very slightly annoying/whatever, there is absolutely no need to be unkind to a child in those circumstances.

If those were her words, they were unkind and deliberately hurtful. I hope your little boy is okay and brushed it off. I don't know anyone in rl who would talk to a child like that - there are a hundred ways of dealing with it kindly.

She may have politely asked him to leave them alone several times before she had to get firm with him. Some kids will just keep talking at you no matter what.

Liorae · 12/04/2023 00:28

QuertyGirl · 08/04/2023 08:29

I'm wondering if people who are so keen on family time like this, are those families who work very long hours normally.

Simply put, they get so little time together in a normal week that all their anxieties around this ("making memories") become focused on these few hours.

This is definitely a modern thing. Kids playing with other random kids was half the fun of holidays and trips to the park at one time. Vast packs of kids would form and the games began!

Now kids are mandated to stay in their family groups because the parent are acutely aware that they haven't had a chance to talk to their kids in weeks.

Dons flame proof suit

The flip side is the SAHM who can't wait to get her kid off her hands, and isn't fussy about palming him off on any adult who will put up with him.

Lochjeda · 12/04/2023 00:39

I don't think he has done anything wrong either the other night or you and him in the pool today and they all sound completely normal interactions/behaviour for a child on holiday. The mum sounds fucking rude. You were right to stand back at the pool and let him chat/play with his new friend and not helicopster parent him.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your hols and he makes nice new friends to play with.

Tactica · 12/04/2023 00:45

Liorae · 12/04/2023 00:28

The flip side is the SAHM who can't wait to get her kid off her hands, and isn't fussy about palming him off on any adult who will put up with him.

Who is this? Is this aimed at the OP?

user1493375230 · 12/04/2023 00:53

Gosh, you lot are a happy bunch.

YANBU!!!!
Why have kids if you can't bear them making friends on holidays. Jeeees.
If you don't want to be around other children in a FAMILY resort , pitch a tent up in top of a mountain.

Liorae · 12/04/2023 01:33

If you look at my post, it quotes @QuertyGirl