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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady on holiday

375 replies

StarryBarry · 07/04/2023 23:00

DS5 is only child and very keen to make friends wherever we go. He usually chats to anyone and makes friend with other kids at camps/clubs etc. We are on holiday and while watching entertainment in our resort he was running around with another child who seemed the same age. We were sat a few tables down from the other child and their family.

We sat watching him tonight chattering away to the child and the child’s mum for around 10 minutes inbetween them dancing and running around. They seemed happy enough and we didn’t see any silly behaviour.
He then returned to us and said his friend didn’t want to play

when we got home he said the friends mum said ‘they don’t want to be your friend, go away’

DH thinks they AIBU as who says this to a child. I wondered if the other kid got tired and the mum told DS she didn’t want to play anymore and maybe didn’t use those exact words

who is BU?

OP posts:
IceMagic · 08/04/2023 15:26

pictoosh · 08/04/2023 14:28

Yes and they ignore you and continue to chatter and stare and hang around...not because they're defying you but because they know mum and dad aren't wondering where they are and they don't want to go and play...they'd rather hang out with you.
Sometimes you have to spell it out.

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It worked for me when my kids were little and we were in places with other kids. Telling them to go back to their parents is spelling it out.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 15:42

Museya15 · 08/04/2023 12:48

Still believe the child. Vile woman.

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You're coming across as a very strange person and one that really enjoys getting stuck into other women just for the sake of it.

Tired child, on holiday, loud entertainment, upset at having to leave his new friend could well have put his own interpretation on the woman's words.

In fact I'd say that's far more likely than her saying "They don't want to be your friend, go away".

But you just stick with 'vile woman' as that's obviously easier than taxing your brain with a bit of thought 🙄

londonrach · 08/04/2023 15:44

GooglyEyeballs · 07/04/2023 23:12

In all honesty i think it's rude when parents let their children approach other people's tables.

This! I'm not your childcare

Wtfisthis1 · 08/04/2023 17:59

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 13:00

He shouldn't be doing it at all. Doesn't the returning to their table signal to you that they're taking a break from playing?

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Yes but they’re 4 and clearly if the other child was indicating he wasn’t happy, I’d pull him away immediately! Kids sometimes do these things and if a kid came over to our table I wouldn’t expect him to just be removed!! Lighten up!!

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 18:18

Wtfisthis1 · 08/04/2023 17:59

Yes but they’re 4 and clearly if the other child was indicating he wasn’t happy, I’d pull him away immediately! Kids sometimes do these things and if a kid came over to our table I wouldn’t expect him to just be removed!! Lighten up!!

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Would you tell someone who'd rather not have your kid hanging round them to Lighten up!! ?
I suspect you and the op would get on like a house on fire.

Wtfisthis1 · 09/04/2023 16:00

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 18:18

Would you tell someone who'd rather not have your kid hanging round them to Lighten up!! ?
I suspect you and the op would get on like a house on fire.

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Jesus you’re a right arse aren’t you!

niugboo · 09/04/2023 17:32

there really is nothing more annoying than being responsible for someone else’s child whilst their parents relax with a drink.

Inwiththenew · 09/04/2023 17:42

I found this attitude a lot with families when my child was little. Being an only one he was always desperate to find friends and sometimes it’s ok and sometimes people don’t want to mix. I personally have always welcomed other children and would go out of my way because I suppose we needed the interaction but families with siblings don’t really need it. Its one of the woes of having only one. Just try to shrug it off.

Phos · 09/04/2023 17:42

Some of these responses. I mean it's one thing for a kid to latch onto you but for a child to come and chat to you when they are playing with your kid, I can't see how that is a problem.

Iyjd · 09/04/2023 17:56

They also probably wanted to enjoy the entertainment, if your child was just talking at them I would find that very irritating. Their child probably also wanted to watch it.

SerafinasGoose · 09/04/2023 17:57

Phos · 09/04/2023 17:42

Some of these responses. I mean it's one thing for a kid to latch onto you but for a child to come and chat to you when they are playing with your kid, I can't see how that is a problem.

This is Britain, where even parents hate kids. Attitudes on the continent are palpably different. When you come back from a trip over there it's immediately noticeable.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 09/04/2023 18:03

KatherineJaneway · 08/04/2023 13:08

If your child does not understand social cues, then it is your job as a parent to ensure they do not bother other families inappropriately so that those families are not forced to shoo your child away.

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My daughter is non verbal with limited understanding and communication. Not everything is fucking black and white. I'd never 'shoo' a child away. It's completely rude and unnecessary. I'd expect someone to speak to me directly if my child's disability bothered them to this extent. But you're right, I'll lock my child up in a cupboard just to keep you happy. How dare they be included in activities or holidays for fear of 'bothering' others. I'll just bring a chain and stick them on a deckchair will I?

KatherineJaneway · 09/04/2023 18:13

EmilyGilmoresSass · 09/04/2023 18:03

My daughter is non verbal with limited understanding and communication. Not everything is fucking black and white. I'd never 'shoo' a child away. It's completely rude and unnecessary. I'd expect someone to speak to me directly if my child's disability bothered them to this extent. But you're right, I'll lock my child up in a cupboard just to keep you happy. How dare they be included in activities or holidays for fear of 'bothering' others. I'll just bring a chain and stick them on a deckchair will I?

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Oh please, dial down the histrionics🙄

I never said or implied that your child should be 'locked in a cupboard' just that if your child, or any child for that matter, is bothering someone else to the point they have to shoo them away, then it is your job as a parent to prevent that happening.

weller34 · 09/04/2023 18:15

Same

DadBodAlready · 09/04/2023 18:35

NatashaDancing · 08/04/2023 02:17

As the parent of an only child, thank you. Mine is all grown up and whilst I wouldn't have let him run around tables I'm glad there were parents who were like you in parks and beaches.

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Kids joining in at Parks and beaches is fairly common and I'm sure most on here wouldn't have a problem with that. Its all kids together, but latching onto another family, hanging round their table. Thats a a different level. When my DS did that as a toddler, either I or my DW would wander over to the table introduce ourselves and enquire if DS was being a bother. If the answer was no we'd tell them where we were sitting and have them send him over when he did get bothersome and then leave them to it. If the answer was yes, then would apologise and leave with our DS. More often than not it was the former because the other parents knew we were around keeping tabs and it wasn't just some kid tagging on that they couldn't shake

Sasha07 · 09/04/2023 18:40

It depends on the child. There's been some who just constantly want attention when I'm trying to relax but I've borderline adopted some others. We had two little Russian boys spend most of the holiday with us one year, they were always left alone in the resort and we'd take them to their room after the evening entertainment, usually waking their parents up who'd just smile and nod at us half asleep... But they were absolutely lovely (and independent!) little boys.

It can be hard as a mother with a friendly child but as others have said, assume they don't want to be bothered. I'm sure they'll let you know if little Jimmy is welcome to come sit with them/play with their children. 9/10 times I love having a crack with a random child talking about random things, but there's a time and a place, I wouldn't take it personally.

Mumofnarnia · 09/04/2023 18:42

EmilyGilmoresSass · 09/04/2023 18:03

My daughter is non verbal with limited understanding and communication. Not everything is fucking black and white. I'd never 'shoo' a child away. It's completely rude and unnecessary. I'd expect someone to speak to me directly if my child's disability bothered them to this extent. But you're right, I'll lock my child up in a cupboard just to keep you happy. How dare they be included in activities or holidays for fear of 'bothering' others. I'll just bring a chain and stick them on a deckchair will I?

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My daughter is the same. However like I said in my previous post. It is not another parent’s problem or responsibility. I do not allow my child to wander off to other tables 1. Because she has additional needs and needs more supervision than a child her age would - so again this is not another parent’s problem! It’s my problem and I need to be the one watching her and looking after her And 2. I don’t particularly enjoy it when strangers kids come and interrupt me while I’m watching a show because I like to enjoy my family time and my evening without having to feel responsible for someone else’s child. And I know a lot of parents will happily allow their children to bother other families while they sit back and relax and enjoy themselves

jillb55 · 09/04/2023 18:43

sandgrown · 08/04/2023 00:06

There are some mean people on here . When we go away my grandsons like to
play football. We always end up with another child/ children watching from the sidelines and we ask them to join in or they ask us . We have had some great multinational teams while abroad. Language has never been a barrier .

This

Abouttimemum · 09/04/2023 18:49

Yeah sorry we have a DS aged 4 (an only) and it drives me nuts when we end up babysitting other people’s kids. Especially in the pool, where it is not safe to leave them so you can’t but where the fuck are their parents. Oh there they are sitting on their loungers getting pissed. Magic.

Anywaaaaay I would be irritated by a random child talking at me incessantly, sorry.

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 18:53

jillb55 · 09/04/2023 18:43

This

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That is completely different, as has been explained many times on the thread.

SwimmingAgainstTheTides · 09/04/2023 18:58

Reading some of the cold unkind responses you would never believe this is meant to be a parenting thread. there's some selfish , deeply unhappy women on here.
I hope to God l am never stuck with any of you sour faced miseries when l go away.
A little boy tryng to make a friend does not warrant these horrible responses.

BungleandGeorge · 09/04/2023 19:13

There’s nothing wrong with your child making friends or dancing/ running around presuming it’s the type of relaxed show that you get on hotels etc. I suspect maybe he was a bit too persistent, children of that age don’t really understand when someone has had enough. She may not have used those exact words. If they’re running about together I’d presume they’re happy but if he’s stood at someone’s table I’d probably go over make sure it’s ok and tell them to get you if you need to remove him!

Solonge · 09/04/2023 19:43

Wow…clearly difference in generations. My kids are in their 40s and we took them abroad ftom the time they were tots. We encouraged them to make friends, we were happy to have other kids to sit with us, we considered it important socialisation for the future. As teen we had loads of their friends stay over and they were always welcome. I find this exclusiveness strange. My grandchildren are also keen to make friends on holiday. I dont understand why the overwhelming response is negative.

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 19:50

Solonge · 09/04/2023 19:43

Wow…clearly difference in generations. My kids are in their 40s and we took them abroad ftom the time they were tots. We encouraged them to make friends, we were happy to have other kids to sit with us, we considered it important socialisation for the future. As teen we had loads of their friends stay over and they were always welcome. I find this exclusiveness strange. My grandchildren are also keen to make friends on holiday. I dont understand why the overwhelming response is negative.

It's not kids making friends people object to? Haven't you read any of the thread?

It's when a very young child/toddler who needs adult involvement is allowed to attach itself to another adult while his/her parents use the interlude to relax with a drink, watching the live entertainment.
Which is probably what the parent who got lumped with their kid was hoping to do.

Solonge · 09/04/2023 20:14

ReadersD1gest · 09/04/2023 19:50

It's not kids making friends people object to? Haven't you read any of the thread?

It's when a very young child/toddler who needs adult involvement is allowed to attach itself to another adult while his/her parents use the interlude to relax with a drink, watching the live entertainment.
Which is probably what the parent who got lumped with their kid was hoping to do.

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God you are unpleasant. Do you always kick off by being so rude? Yes i read the thread….hence my comment that i was surprised by the overwhelming number of people objecting to having kids make friends by coming to their table! You made the comment about ‘toddlers joining tables and children needing looking after’ thats not what the op wrote, that what you made up.

She talked about her child running around with other kids and going to the childs parents table, but not sitting down. I was with my son and his kids in Cyprus last year, this is exactly what all the kids were doing, running around together and stopping off at different tables. Maybe we were lucky. It seemed to be a resort filled with friendly pleasant people who enjoyed their children having fun and making friends.